“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” … Proverbs 18:1

Let’s start with this premise: time alone is a mixed blessing.  On one hand, having a set time and place to be alone with one’s thoughts can be wonderfully restorative.  Conversely, too much time alone can lead to self-absorption and self-indulgence.  How can a man sort it out?

It’s not good for the man to be alone. Everybody needs to belong.

Isolation – The Seedbed of Self-centeredness
With around-the-clock television, streaming movies on demand, online games and multiple social networks, our ability to connect superficially can fool us into believing we aren’t isolated.  If you disagree, consider how many millions of people watched the Times Square ball drop on new year’s eve and answer this question: If you watched it on television by yourself, was that an experience you shared with those millions?

Ironically, the ability to communicate with thousands of followers on Twitter or Instagram ends up making us more isolated, rather than less, as the interactions are more transactional and less relational in nature.  You know how it works; I post a picture and you look at it.  If you comment on it, I will like your comment.  The end.  Note that this is the ideal.  You might not like or comment on my picture, so there might not even be any exchange at all.

What’s Wrong With Isolation?
If my only connection to others is via the web, I can easily begin to derive my sense of worth from the number of comments, +1s, likes or upvotes I receive from any given post.  I can also turn my focus inward, withdrawing concern or compassion from anything beyond my own reach — ignoring or denying the humanity of those at the other end of my rhetorical whip.  The intense and frequent abuse of comments has caused many online publications to shut their comment threads down completely.

But beyond this, wise King Solomon said that anyone who isolates himself is setting the stage for self-indulgence.  We can see this in the Old Testament story of Solomon’s father, King David.  It was springtime, and David should have been away from his palace leading his army.  Instead, he was up on his roof, alone, and he saw Bathsheba bathing on her roof.  He sent for her and had his way with her.  This adultery was just the start of David’s troubles, as the coverup became even more deadly than the crime.

How Do I Overcome Isolation?
The first remedy for isolation is to recognize that we are made for relationships.  With this knowledge, cultivate genuine, in-person friendships and meet up with friends face-to-face as often as it makes sense to do so.  Consider this an encouragement to participate in the life of a healthy, scripturally sound local church, and to become part of a small group.  When you become invested in real-world friendships, you will begin to care more about others than about indulging your own appetites.  In the same way that a band performs together, if one member is weak playing a given passage, the other members can help cover him through that difficult section.

Note that face-to-face interactions are more costly than their virtual substitutes.  They will cost you in terms of time, money and frustration (you can’t mute or block someone who is sitting in front of you), but the process of cultivating friendships and working through your differences will make you better men.  This requires humility and vulnerability, by the way.

What if I’m Isolated and I Don’t Want to Be?
In those circumstances when you are by yourself and you’re tempted,  Charles Stanley teaches the HALT method.  When you’re tempted, he advises not to do anything when you’re Hungry Angry Lonely (Isolated) or Tired.  Don’t sneak off by yourself — instead, call a trusted friend and battle this together.

Solitude – The Good Kind of Alone
In contrast with isolation, solitude was a long-standing discipline of the early church.  Monks and ascetics emulated Jesus’ own  practice — to be alone and still before his Heavenly Father, listening and talking in conversational intimacy.

Solitude’s purpose is to set aside time and to assume a posture of reverent attention and to actively listen for the voice of God.  This takes time to learn and it is alien to our hyper-connected way of life.  (And yes, I’m aware you’re reading this via the Internet or email.)

This is not a call to unplug everything and become a hermit — very few men are, and I doubt you’re one of them.  It is, however, an invitation to dedicate time in your schedule to turn off the screens and the music and be still. Ancient Christian monks sought to banish even mental pictures to enable them to focus intently, wordlessly on God’s presence.

Many current self-help books are championing a similar-yet-different practice.  You’ll find plenty of books on mindfulness and meditation.  I’m not against them.  I’m merely pointing out that solitude as a tool of spiritual and emotional health is a thing and it has deep roots in orthodox Christian thought.

One more thing…
Sometimes isolation isn’t our preference, but a result of being willing to stand out by standing by your principles.  It can feel lonely — especially if you’re the first or the only one to voice an objection.  In these cases, trade isolation for the gift of solitude and be willing to go it alone for a time.   Trust that God will meet you and provide what you need.

So how about you?  What actions are you taking to build in solitude and avoid isolation? Add your comments below.