MILF — Men, I’d Like for us to Focus

“Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on…”
-Fountains of Wayne

There seems to be a fascination with older women as sex objects.  The terms Cougar or MILF may be fairly recent, but the appeal of an experienced older woman is not new.  Even before Stifler’s mom, or Stacy’s mom, the movies “The Graduate” and “Summer of ’42” —  from the late 1960’s and early ’70’s — each featured a main character sexually initiated by an experienced older woman.   This is now officially a fetish, but the phenomenon is even older than that.
If you’re familiar with the Old Testament story of Joseph, you’ll recall that his jealous older brothers faked his death and sold him into slavery to an Egyptian official namedPotiphar.  Genesis 39:5-12 takes it from here:

Blue on Blue

Everything has its season — wait on yours

From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.  So Potiphar left everything he had in Joseph’s care; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!”But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care.  No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside.  She caught him by his cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.”
Note the aggressiveness with which an older, married woman pursues a young man for her own gratification.  As Solomon said, “There is nothing new under the sun.”  What is remarkable, however, is Joseph’s behavior in the face of the attempted seduction.
Joseph refuses to take the bait.  Notice the circumstances:  He and Mrs. P. are alone in the house.  She is making her intentions very plain.  It seems that nobody would ever find out.   And this happens more than once.  Joseph refused to even be with her, ultimately fleeing her presence when she acted even more aggressively.  This is the model for men.
Previously, we have discussed that we men are called to be chaste and that we are called to lead in the arena of relationships.  This means each bachelor is to be the sexual gatekeeper —  not a passive opportunist that makes game day decisions regarding sex that hinge on whether the woman he’s dating is willing.  Mrs. Potiphar was willing and Joseph took the long view.  Any woman who identifies herself as a cougar is signaling willingness. You should aspire to more than to be a woman’s thrill ride.
Joseph’s secret
We can only imagine how difficult it must have been for Joseph to avoid giving in to such persistent temptation.  If there’s a secret, it’s this: Joseph wasn’t governed by his appetite, rather he was motivated by faithfulness to God.  There’s more to it, of course, but I like to think of the formula this way:  Faithfulness = love + gratitude.   Loving God and maintaining a thankful heart make it easier to see past the momentary pleasure that illicit sex promises.
Why it matters
Elsewhere, I’ve written about presenting my sons with knives as part of each one’s initiation into manhood.  I want to repeat a bit of that here.  Your masculine strength is like a knife.  Don’t let someone -anyone- use it against you. Keep it sharp, keep it clean, and keep under your control.  Falling for the seduction is like handing over your blade.  And don’t forget that eroticism and promiscuity are two of the weapons intended to lure you into forfeiting your strength.
Why does it happen?
I expect each predatory woman has her own agenda, but at a heart level, a woman never gets away from her heart ‘s deepest question – “Am I beautiful?”  A woman who finds herself without an answer to this question will seek validation in the arms of multiple lovers — or at least in the gaze of multiple admirers.  The greener pastures promised by divorce — and nearly three quarters of American divorces are initiated by the wife — mean there are more unattached women seeking to get their question answered.
A warning from King Solomon

20 My son, keep your father’s command
    and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
21 Bind them always on your heart;
    fasten them around your neck.
22 When you walk, they will guide you;
    when you sleep, they will watch over you;
    when you awake, they will speak to you.
23 For this command is a lamp,

    this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
    are the way to life,
24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife,
    from the smooth talk of a wayward woman.

25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty
    or let her captivate you with her eyes.

26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread,
    but another man’s wife preys on your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap
    without his clothes being burned?
28 Can a man walk on hot coals
    without his feet being scorched?
29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
    no one who touches her will go unpunished.

30 People do not despise a thief if he steals
    to satisfy his hunger when he is starving.
31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold,
    though it costs him all the wealth of his house.
32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense;
    whoever does so destroys himself.
33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
    and his shame will never be wiped away.

34 For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury,
    and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.
35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse a bribe, however great it is.

-Proverbs 6:20-35 (NIV)

Very few people belong to nobody. Nearly every woman you meet is somebody’s wife, fiancée, daughter, mother, sister or friend.  If you steal her beauty or allow her to steal your strength, her people might just hunt you down. Even if not, God sees everything.  So be like Joseph and focus on pleasing God.

So how about you?  What’s your plan for living a chaste life?  Add your comments below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic. Bring your best manners, please.

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