Recent news stories point to improved job prospects and increased pay to go with them. This is encouraging if you have the credentials (read: degree and/or certification) your prospective employer is looking for, but what if you don’t?

At a recent convention I attended, I heard a keynote speech that inspired this post. I’ll share more of what I learned from that talk in Part 2, but first I want to encourage you to become an entrepreneur. Instead of waiting for someone to hire you, why not start your own company and be the boss?

Let’s be clear: I’m not suggesting that you pull a Costanza and make up a Vandelay Industries. Nor am I talking about falling into the trap of turk work and setting yourself up for obsolescence. Instead, I mean that you should develop a product or service and the plan for delivering it — and then you should deliver it as profitably as you can.

Make your own luck

Let’s talk about the upsides, starting with creating your own momentum and your own luck. Now before you think there’s this mystical force our there called Luck that runs parallel to God, let me clarify. What people call luck is actually the meeting of preparation and attention. When you’ve done the homework and acquired and/or mastered the knowledge of your marketplace, you’ll harness the positive power of confirmation bias. As I’ve written before, when you drive an old Volvo, you start to see them everywhere.

When you’ve developed expertise in your chosen market, you’ll see opportunities everywhere. Then, if you’re confident and diligent, you’ll pursue the more promising opportunities. And if your preparation includes the cultivation of some selling skills, you’ll close some business. Then people will consider you lucky.

One man from my hometown used to like to say that the harder he worked the luckier he got. I got it back then, and I still remember it. I also appreciate the saying attributed to Thomas Edison that goes like this: Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Be your own boss

Becoming an entrepreneur has another huge upside: you are your own boss. Unless you’re also highly self-motivated, that’s also the downside. Every day, you’re going to have to summon your motivation, your desire to get things done or they won’t get done.

By the way, this is the same skill you need to manage your career, as I discussed in this post.

But… It takes money

Yes, it’s true that you have to have some money to get started, but not as much as you may think. For most entrepreneurial enterprises, you aren’t going to need your own skyscraper and helipad — at least, not at first. Some people with landscaping businesses started with not much more than a lawnmower and a willingness to sweat. Other people have figured out how to open online stores on a shoestring budget. Web domains are very inexpensive — and there are lots of free tutorials that can help you design your website and launch your business.

Chris Guillebeau wrote a book called The 100-Dollar Startup. You may find just the idea you need there.

Be prepared to learn

There are lessons everywhere, many are free. There are online publications, podcasts, and webinars devoted to entrepreneurship. There are books on management and leadership in your public library (you do have a library card, right?). And there are local entrepreneurs who want to share what they know. But reading and discussing aren’t the only sources of lessons.

In the kicker above, I said you should expect to fail. This is because you will likely fail in your first attempts at entrepreneurship. Many times. Failure can bruise your ego, but it is also a rich mine of hard-won knowledge.

This is one reason why silicon valley types talk about failing faster. This means you should embrace the probability and learn to shrug off the sting of failure in order to acquire the lessons that will come through the failure and keep going. Author, speaker, and success coach Michael Hyatt says it this way: “In my world there is no failure — only learning.”

Success comes from good judgment…

I know I’ve quoted him before, but Arthur Jones, the eccentric creator of Nautilus Fitness equipment used to say, “Success in life comes from good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.” I hope you see that to make your way in the world and provide for yourself and your household, you will have to endure some seasons of suck. Don’t let it throw you — you’re learning.

Congratulations, You’re a Technician

One lesson that arrived for me fairly recently was in Michael Gerber’s book Beyond the e-Myth. Gerber says that if your enterprise can’t function without your hand on it, you’re not an entrepreneur — you’re a technician. He prescribes the creation of methods and systems that will enable you to delegate the functions of and to increase the scale of your business.

A business has products and is a product

The last bit is important because in addition to having products, a business is a product in itself. If you’re truly an entrepreneur, you’ll enjoy the thrill of the launch, but become bored with the operations side of things. In that case, you’re going to have operators who can implement your systems, or you’re going to need to find a buyer who’ll operate what you’ve built. You can make money either way, but the key is to work on your business instead of just working in it..

Coming up

We’ll talk about insights I gained from that keynote address.

So how about you? What’s preventing you from becoming an entrepreneur? What do you have to lose? Add your comments below.

Note: I have linked to a couple of books on Amazon. I do not receive any compensation for doing so — these are two books I have bought and read and I am comfortable recommending them.

Happy new year, everybody! It’s nice to be back. I hope you all are enjoying Christmastime (if you follow your old Christmas carols, you know there are twelve days of Christmas, so it’s still Christmas even if you have already scuffed your new kicks).

In past years, I’ve shared with you a focus word — a theme word that I hold as an intention for the new year. In 2016, for example, I had the word Desire. Last year, it was Breakthrough. This year the word that keeps coming back to me, in and out of prayer, is the word Restoration. Let me unpack what this word is saying to me and why it is my focus word for 2019.

Worldview

If you’ve been reading here awhile, you know I’m big on worldview — specifically a biblical worldview. You can read more about that here . But in the cheat code version, a world view addresses four main issues and questions. They are:

• Creation – Where did we come from?
• Fall — What is our fundamental problem?
• Redemption — What’s the cure for our problem?
• Restoration — In light of the cure, how should we live?

From the outset, the word restoration is powerful to me because if its broad scope and purposefulness in setting things right. I am concerned with personal restoration in some measurable ways, as well as with the abstract “out there”, as I hope to illustrate. Here are the areas I think of when I consider Restoration for 2019:

Health

This is primarily an intention for friends and family members who have been struggling with chronic conditions as well as the ravages of time. In 2019, I’d like to see them restored to health through better choices, doing what they can. And I pray God’s grace and healing for what they can’t do on their own.

Fitness

By now, it’s a cliche that everybody wants to get back in shape in the new year. I confess that last year, I let myself drift from maintenance mode to something below that. I feel it. i see it. I know what to do and I’m going to change it. One of my best Christmas gifts — in true “Advent Conspiracy” spirit — was several sessions with a personal trainer to kickstart my motivation. Just what I needed.

Career/Finances

Last year turned out well. In the arena of work and finances, I experienced something of the breakthrough I was hoping for. We were, at last, able to tackle some pesky debt. Restoration for me in this area will mean making better use of the money God entrusts to me, sticking to a workable budget, and seeing to some things that I should have taken care of a long time ago.

We all do the best we can with what we have, but eventually, the house has to be painted, the refrigerator or the water heater dies, you have to replace the garage door, or the car will need new tires. I’m thankful to be in a position where these events — when they come — won’t be a crisis.

Meanwhile, I’m thankful for the success I’ve enjoyed in my current role, and the contributions I’ve made to the company. At the same time I’m feeling restless in this new year. Restoration in this regard would mean a new challenge — an opportunity to make my mark and create value in a new space. It could be I’m projecting this onto my career from a different facet of my life, but I have learned not to ignore this when it comes.

Society/Politics

I have published several posts based on Roy H. Williams’ and Michael Drew’s book, Pendulum, and my reading of the news suggests the authors’ predictions are, unfortunately, true. Restoration in this sense will be to seek the welfare of the city and the area where I live.

I believe what Jesus said about our being salt and light in this world. If you’ve been reading these posts over the years, you’ll have noticed that I tend not to discuss partisan politics much (policy, yes). That’s intentional. I have very strong opinions, and I even like to argue, but I think the times are such that we need to emphasize what we hold in common, rather than picking at the scab of where we differ.

I want to see alienated friends and family members restored to each other, and I am going to continue to stay out of the social media mud. If we can avoid the kind of trouble keyboard warriors like to conjure up, good. If, on the other hand, things get as bad as the book predicts, I want to prepare myself and my household to come out on the other side intact and to be part of the — you guessed it — restoration.

Manners and morals

The famous British abolitionist William Wilberforce set about to end the cruel and immoral slave trade, but also to work for, as he put it, “the reformation of morals.” Restoration in our day will take the form of engaging in public questions with an eye toward solving problems. For my part, I intend to do this with the best thinking I can muster and in as kind a manner as I can. I intend never to be a doormat, but I don’t want to treat people of goodwill like one, either.

Those who want to pick a fight or wish us harm will be in our prayers. After that, we’ll deal appropriately.

Wanting to be part of the solution

When we look back at that worldview section, it’s hard to miss that God’s purpose in sending Jesus to be our redeemer was ultimately to restore and renew not just his favorites, but the entire cosmos. It is dented, dinged-up, and rusty, but God says He plans to renew it all. Trust me — you want to be part of it.

So like Wilberforce, let’s use the resources, the strengths, the gifts, and the contacts we have to make this battered world a much better place.

How will we know when we get there?

Quite simply, we won’t. But just because we can’t in our own strength construct a Heaven on earth that is not a reason we should not strive to make this earth as much like Heaven as it can possibly be. Think about what this would look like in terms of justice, education, opportunity, and economic and social mobility.

I assure you, I didn’t get hit in the head and become a Utopian Socialist. I am still a believer in capitalism as the greatest engine of prosperity for the greatest number of people — but we can do better. Part of this resides in the object of our service. If we love and serve God and love our neighbor — seeking the best for him — we aren’t going to pile up wealth so we can hoard it. Instead, we will seek to put it to work to accomplish the work of restoration. Where we have been successful, we will create opportunities for others to succeed. We will connect people with needs to the people who have the means to address those needs. And we will live in community as beggars who found bread and are busy telling other beggars where they can find it, too.

I look forward to what this year will bring — especially since I see the amount of work it will take.

So how about you? What is your word for 2019? What does it mean to you? (If you don’t have one yet, it’s not too late.)

The title of today’s post is a quotation attributed to American president Theodore Roosevelt.  The truth of this statement is so blinding, I am partly tempted to let it stand on its own.  If I did that, though, you might think I was being lazy.  So here goes.

Equal time for comparison

I am a believer in competition.  A good-natured rivalry can motivate you to elevate your performance in nearly any arena, and can help you stave off complacency.  This is why fitness trainers and management consultants alike recommend keeping records and charting your progress toward your goals.  Engaging a friend or two to pursue the same goal builds in even more accountability, and makes it more difficult to punt your workout.  All of this is beneficial, as it brings out the best in each of us.

The dark side

Where this goes sideways is when we begin looking at what people around us have while disparaging our own resources or circumstances.  We don’t feel that we are getting the reward we deserve while others — seen by us as less worthy — are getting far more than they deserve.  Sound familiar?

Why do we compare?

I think this unhealthy wish to measure ourselves against others is first a byproduct of living in a fallen world.  We are all fallible and deep down we know it.  We long for justice in the face of wrongdoing — just as long as we can escape our due punishment.  At the same time, we fear being exposed, so we seek to lessen the sting by identifying all those over whom we can claim superiority.

For most of us, this isn’t conscious behavior. If it were, I think it would be less common. Instead it exists from preschool play yards to corporate boardrooms. It seems to be latent animal behavior, akin to the pecking order among chickens, or establishing of dominance in a dog pack.  If you’re tempted to think that because we see this in the animal kingdom, that it’s a feature of our world, and not a bug, note that this observation doesn’t negate the fallenness of our world.  Besides, dogs drink from the toilet.

Even so, little boys compare to see whose is biggest, migrating to boasts about whose dad could beat whose, eventually escalating to the acquisition of temporary status symbols — car, career, condo, concubine — lather, rinse, repeat.  Social media just amplifies the effect. As Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Fight Club, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

It seems to me that a man who has his question answered, who has his purpose figured out and is about his mission is less susceptible to seeking comfort by comparing himself to others.

It’s nobody’s business 

When I was thirteen, I wanted to buy a road bike.  Braswell’s Cycle Shop had a chestnut metallic Schwinn Varsity ten-speed.  It was beautiful, and cost far more than I had.  My grandfather owned an industrial supply company in our town, so I went to see him.  When I told him I wanted to buy a bicycle but I didn’t have the money, he asked me if I’d be willing to work for the company.

I agreed on the spot. Next, I went down the street to get a Social Security number and a work permit and showed up the next morning at 8:00. As an inventory clerk it was my job to count roller chain, sprockets, roofing sealant, and drill bits that were so fine I wonder if I could even see them now. This was my introduction to the 40-hour work week.

When payday came, my grandfather took me aside and, as he handed my check to me, he told me that what he paid me was between him and me — it was nobody else’s business. Likewise what he paid others in the company was between him and them — and that was none of my business. A few people asked what I was making, and I never told them.  And I have followed my grandfather’s advice ever since.

I enjoyed riding that bike — and wearing the clothes I was able to buy with money I had earned — and was untroubled by what others were getting.  I had my job and I had agreed to the rate of pay when I hired on.  So that was that.

But why is comparison a thief?

The simplest answer is that when you’re focused on something other than what is yours, you fail to appreciate it.  It’s like dancing with a pretty girl while looking over her shoulder for someone prettier.  I’ve seen men blow up their families because they failed to appreciate the treasure that was theirs.  This is that old “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” Most of these men simply exchanged one set of problems for another set — most often at a higher cost.

Ultimately comparison robs us of contentment when we feel powerless to change our situation.  This is a close cousin to worry and its ugly sister, despair.  These are all forms of pride — the master sin.  Pride alleges that we know better than God what we need, rather than trusting Him for what we need in its time.  So how do we fix this?

Be thankful for what you got

Gratitude is the best place to begin.  Start by giving thanks for the most basic of your blessings and expand from there like ripples in a pond.  Thank God for your life, your health, your home, your relationships — even if they are far from ideal.  Don’t just halfheartedly lob your thanks in God’s general direction — make time to consciously sit in His presence and offer what the Bible calls a “sacrifice of praise.”  If it costs you nothing, it isn’t a sacrifice.

Choose hope

Recognize that with God’s help, all things are possible.  Hang your hat on that and don’t let your circumstances tell you otherwise.  Persevere and look to God to work the current suck into a great story of redemption.

Eyes on your own work

Marketers make their living exploiting the ones who’ve fallen into what Dr. David Chadwick calls “the snare to compare.” Unless you’re in the market for a new car and you have the money to buy one, you’re better off avoiding the ads and the lots.  Similarly, if you’re married, you’re far better off investing your attention to your wife than to other women — real or imagined.

As Romans 14:4 says, “A man stands or falls before his own master.” That’s the only measurement that counts.

So how about you? In what ways has comparison robbed you of joy? Add your comments below.

While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

About the painting:  This is “Saint Joseph and the Infant Christ” painted by Baciccio — also known as Giovanni Battista Gaulli.  I love this portrayal of Joseph — his expression conveys such love, wonder and reverence.  What genuine nobility!  What a man!  

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.

You may or may not find yourself in the situations described by David Byrne & co., but if you’re in the US, it’s almost certain you will find yourself sitting down to a grand Thanksgiving dinner later this week. Grandmother and or Mom will break out the fine china and the silverware and in addition to showing your appreciation for all their hard work, you’ll want to show them you’re a gentleman. So today, let’s review table manners.

The main idea

Same as it ever was…

We’ve talked about this before, but the main idea regarding manners is to put the maximum number of people around you at ease. Even if you do something wrong, do not make a big deal of it. If it’s inescapable — for example if you burp loudly and unexpectedly — acknowledge it and apologize with the fewest words possible. Otherwise, don’t call attention to it. Likewise, don’t call attention to the faults of others.

If this is the main holiday meal, make it a point to show up groomed and dressed appropriately. Now, you’re at the table.

What are all these silverware pieces for?

So much of a man’s dining these days is uber-casual, so it can be baffling to sit down in front of what appears to be Aunt Tiffy’s utensil collection. Relax, you can handle this. First: remember the outside-in rule. The pieces in front of you are laid down so you can reach them in the order in which they’ll be used. Too complicated? If salad comes before the entree, your (smaller) salad fork is to the left of your (larger) dinner fork. Your soup or fruit spoon is to the right (outside) your coffee or dessert spoon. See? I told you you can do it.

The napkin

These things don’t require a user’s manual, but here’s the deal: Spread it across your lap the moment you sit down. If you get up during the meal and you’re coming back, leave it folded in your seat. If you’re not coming back, place it beside your plate (not ON the plate). Use your napkin to wipe food residue from your lips (including that Movember work of art) and or your fingertips. If you must cough or sneeze at the table, use it to cover your mouth. But for the love of Mike, do NOT blow your nose into your napkin. In fact, don’t blow your nose at the table. Excuse yourself from the table and go to the bathroom or another room to blow your nose.

Head, shoulders, knees, and toes

Keep all your body parts in their proper places. Sit up straight with your weight on your sit bones and your shoulders back and down. This way you’ll avoid looking like a blob or like you forgot to take the hanger out of your shirt before you put it on.

While the meal is underway, do not rest your elbows on the table — not even one elbow. Between courses, it’s permissible to let one or both hands rest on the table, and even an elbow during after-dinner conversation.

Traffic flow

If your family is like mine, the commencement of the big meal may occur later than you’re used to. In your hunger, the temptation will be to load your plate and devil take the hindmost. If you do this, dish after dish will accumulate at your place, while family members downstream from you will remain unfed. They will fume. This is not good. (Don’t ask me how I know this.) Make it a point to take or not take some of what comes to you, but be sure to pass it to the next person at the table.

Butter your plate, then your bread

If you’re suspending your low-carb eating plan for the meal or the day, here’s how to keep the butter pristine: Slice off what you need and place the pat of butter on your bread plate (at 10 o’clock above your forks) or on the edge of your dinner plate. From there, use your dinner knife to apply the butter to your bread. Break your bread — don’t take a bite out of it. Break off a bite at a time.

Conversation: Keep it Light

You may be a passionate supporter of The Donald. Or of Bernie. Or you may be a member of an anarcho-syndicalist commune. Whatever, dude. When you’re all together around the table, stick to topics that emphasize what you all share. You may be able to persuade Uncle Don to change his political inclination, but I doubt it. He’s a stubborn old guy. But even if he weren’t, the table is no place for an exorcism.

A few extra tips

Do:
Chew with your mouth closed
Express appreciation
Say,  “Please pass the _____,” rather than just reaching for it
Include everyone in the conversation — even the little ones

Don’t:
Talk with your mouth full
Take the last roll without asking
Use profanity or talk about sexual or excretory subjects at the table

Bonus tip: Offer to help clean up after dinner. You might even get nominated for sainthood.

So how about you? What essential should I have included? Add your comment below.

In honor of Veterans Day, a heartfelt word of thanks to all of you who have served or are serving in America’s armed forces.  Thank you for your willingness to train, to suffer hardship, to experience separation from your loved ones, and to put your life at risk for your countrymen.

My late father-in-law was a veteran of World War II,  He was one of four brothers, all of whom were drafted away from their family farm in rural Tennessee.

After completing his training, he became a Technical Sergeant in the Army Air Corps — the precursor to the US Air Force.   His responsibilities included making in-flight repairs and serving as a waist gunner aboard a B-24 Liberator bomber in the European theater, as part of the Mighty Eighth Air Force.

Like many men of his generation, he rarely talked about his experiences during the war, downplaying the danger and his role.  “It was late in the war by the time I got over there,” he always said.   Once when my grandmother asked if he had ever been to Germany, he gave a slight smile and said, “No, but I’ve been over it.”

Following the war, he returned to the farm for a while before enrolling in Tennessee Tech on the GI Bill.  Following his graduation from college, he earned a doctorate in agronomy and genetics from the University of Wisconsin.

With his PhD, he took a position as a research agronomist with the US Department of Agriculture and was assigned to a research station at a large state university.  He worked there the rest of his career, developing numerous soybean cultivars that fed millions and teaching graduate students from around the world.

As distinguished as his career was, he was also a devoted husband and father, raising my wife and her siblings in a godly household.

Over the past dozen years or so, we have seen popular sentiment regarding military service return to an appropriate level of respect and gratitude.  This is as it should be.

At the same time, I hear and read some people saying that the US is no longer worthy of such devotion or service.  I am not here to argue for or against — especially not with those who have served.  On this occasion, however, I want to commend those who, like my father-in-law, saw their duty, did it and came home to build an exemplary life.  This is still a county that produces such men.  That is worth preserving.

So how about you?   What lessons did you learn from your own military service, or that of your friends or family members?  How are you using that wisdom to be your best?  Add your comments below.

“Rain and storm and dark skies
Well now they don’t mean a thing
If you got a girl that loves you
And who wants to wear your ring
So c’mon mister trouble
We’ll make it through you somehow
We’ll fill this house with all the love
All that heaven will allow”
-Bruce Springsteen “All That Heaven Will Allow”

I have the privilege of attending a lot of wedding functions.  Many of my paying gigs are wedding receptions, and as a result I get to meet with brides and grooms and get to know them a little.   Sometimes I get to offer recommendations regarding the reception.  So far nobody has asked me what I recommend in the way of wedding vows, but if they did,  I would absolutely recommend the traditional vows as they appear in the Book of Common Prayer:

The priest is dead, the church burned down, the groom lost his hair, but they’re still in love and still married.

The Declaration of Consent

The Celebrant says to the woman

N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live
together in the covenant of marriage?  Will you love him,
comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health;
and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you
both shall live?

The Woman answers
I will.

The Celebrant says to the man

N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live
together in the covenant of marriage?  Will you love her,
comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health;
and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you
both shall live?

The Man answers
I will.

 

The Marriage

The Man, facing the woman and taking her right hand in his, says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse,
for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to
cherish, until we are parted by death.  This is my solemn vow.

Then they loose their hands, and the Woman, still facing the man, takes
his right hand in hers, and says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love
and to cherish, until we are parted by death.  This is my
solemn vow.

The loose their hands.

The Priest may ask God’s blessing on a ring or rings as follows

Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which
this man and this woman have bound themselves to each
other; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

The giver places the ring on the ring-finger of the other’s hand and says

N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all
that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of
the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit (or in the
Name of God).”

First things

Note first that these are vows — solemn promises made first to God, then to each other.  A covenant between the two of you and Almighty God is binding, so the words you speak are important.  I recommend that you and your fiancée study them carefully and mean them when you say them to each other.

Why old-school vows are the best

Did you think I forgot the purpose of this post?  Old-school wedding vows address eight important facets of what marriage is. Here’s my list — feel free to add your insights below:

• Consent

  • — This is a big topic these days.  Traditional vows ask the woman first if she indeed agrees to take her fiancé as her husband.  Then he gets to answer the same question regarding his intention to take her as his wife.

• Duties

  • – Each is to love, comfort, honor and keep the other.  He’s not getting a maid; she’s not getting a butler.

• Faithfulness

  • — Under Heaven, she is to be his highest priority, and he is to be hers.  God is joining you for His purposes and he means for you to remain devoted to each other.  No hall passes or elevator lists.  Nobody on the side.

• Personal

  • – Note the marriage begins with “I, George, take you, Martha, to be my wife.”  The speaking of each other’s names and the choosing of each other verbally is powerful.

• Intimate

  • – “To have and to hold” refers to the importance of the marriage bed over the course of your  life together.  Notice this phrase appears twice in a very short span of time.  It’s that important.

• Exclusive

  • – This is what “forsaking all others” means.  Husbands and wives are to look to each other for the deepest intimacy.  Nobody — not mom and dad, not the kids, not the pastor, not the boss, not former girlfriends, not current friends — is to come before the obligations to love and care for each other

• Forever

  • — “Until we are parted by death” or “As long as we both shall live,” as it is also sometimes said.  Please note: Some couples revise this to “As long as we both shall love.” Barf!  This is essentially saying “I promise until I no longer promise.”  If you can’t commit for life, perhaps you shouldn’t get married.

• No matter what

  • — Notice that the vows spell out the range of conditions a couple can experience — sickness and health; plenty and want; prosperity and adversity — and note that the expectation remains the same regardless of bank balance or blood pressure.

The big idea

If you believe that marriage is given as a sign of the relationship between Christ and the Church, the you can see that the love and devotion due one’s spouse is unconditional.

Someone once asked me, “If you could have all that Heaven is — but without God, would you take it?”  I answered that a Heaven without God would be Hell itself.  It’s a great question for clarifying our motives.

Traditional wedding vows are designed to get at a similar idea.  If health, money, looks, and all the fun dried up, would she be enough?  Would she think you’re enough?   Anything other than a firm yes here spells trouble.

When we perform for newlyweds, I nearly always tell them that marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it.  I stand by that.  If you and your beloved make solid vows and take them seriously, this will help you do the hard but worthwhile work of marriage.

So how about you? What sort of vows do you plan to use for your wedding and why?  Add your comments below.

“The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their grey hair.” – Proverbs 20:29

I said I wanted a photo portraying mentors!

In his book, “To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father,” Don Miller compares the transfer of wisdom from older to younger men to the method pilots used to advise one another when flying across the Pacific Ocean.  Since there are great expanses of ocean with no land on which to build radar installations, pilots further along the route advised the pilots following them regarding weather and flying conditions.  This communication from their more senior colleagues was essential.

Mentoring is the relational equivalent of getting the radio call from a pilot further across the ocean than you are.

Why you need a mentor

Historically, fathers filled this primary role with support from grandfathers, uncles, godfathers, coaches, scoutmasters, Sunday school teachers — a whole network of resources that could help a young man find his way.  A lot of practical knowledge passed from older men to younger men regarding work, women, faith and friendship, and the number of men engaged in the process helped to curb the excesses of any one individual.

As you’ve no doubt seen, our atomized culture and unfavorable marriage trends have made these relationships harder to come by.  However, a mentor can help you overcome this lack by sharing the wisdom accumulated over a longer span of time than your life to date.

What About Dad?

Even if you have a great dad, you need a mentor. Your father’s guidance is valuable, but we tend to discount it – kind of like when your mom tells you you’re handsome. She’s supposed to think so, so it doesn’t mean as much.  Your mentor will make observations a family member won’t, but will also confirm the best of your upbringing.

How to get a mentor

This is not a combat mission or a one-time event.  Mentoring at its heart is relational, so you should seek to develop a friendship over time.  Even so, the most straightforward approach is best: ask.  Don’t hint around — be direct and ask for the help you need.

As a suggestion, find a healthy, doctrinally sound church that has a good balance of men and women attending, and I’ll bet there are men there who have been mentored and who would be willing to mentor you.    Note: Some churches have even organized mentoring programs to match young men with solid mentors.

What you should expect

Here are the top attributes you should look for in a prospective mentor:

• Commitment — You need a mentor who genuinely wants to help you become the best version of yourself.
• Boundaries — He’s not signing on to be a surrogate dad, and he needs to be a wise steward of his time — and yours. Pro tip: Meet in public at a coffee shop or restaurant and limit your meetings to about an hour.
• Discretion — Over time, your mentor should know you well enough and have sufficient judgment to ask tough questions and to call you on your B.S.  Those discussions should stay between you, though.
• Candor — about his own failures and lessons learned, but also about how he sees your situation.  You need someone in your life who will tell you the truth — and stick by you — when you’re behaving like a jackass.
• Prudence — Your mentor should exhibit wisdom in his behavior and demeanor, acting and speaking appropriately.  Note this, since a byproduct of mentoring is that over time you will become more like your mentor.

What your mentor should expect from you
Here’s what a good mentor is looking for from you:

• Punctuality — Show up on time.  The man is giving you a treasure.  Value it by showing appropriate respect for his time.
• Great questions — Most mentoring occurs as a dialog.  You may discuss a book you’re both reading, but come in with well-thought-out questions.
• A listening ear — If you want wisdom, you must listen carefully.  You may disagree, but don’t interrupt or argue.
• Honesty — A mentor who gets anything other than the truth from you is wasting his time.  Be completely truthful.
• Humility — You have much to learn, but now you have a guide.  Be thankful.

Just so you know, this is not an abstraction for me — I meet and check in with my mentor regularly.

So how about you?  Do you have a mentor?  What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a mentor or as a mentor?  Add your comments below.

“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.
– Proverbs 22: 29 (ESV)

When I was a graduate student, the Institute had a series of guest lectures intended to enhance and broaden our thinking.  Attendance was mandatory.

I can’t recall all the topics, but they ranged from Creativity to Ethics to building a successful career.  It’s this last that I want to share with you.

This one goes up to 12! Crank up your career by learning from the ones who went before you.

Dr. Louis T. Rader held a doctorate in electrical engineering and was retired from General Electric.  Following his retirement from GE, he taught in the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business.

His dress was conservative and his manner of speech was direct, and he had what military veterans would call command presence.  His no-nonsense demeanor and delivery, however, belied the wit that made his words to us that day so memorable.

He spoke to us for some time about his own experiences as a young manager and then he shared some principles for career success he called “Rader’s Rules.”  Here, to the best of my memory, is what he offered us:

1.  Never run out of money — it’s a quick way to lose confidence.

2.  There can be no compromise between a poor player and a great organization.

3.  Good calculus won’t cover poor math.

4. If you play games with people, people will play games with you.

5. The sum of all expenses must be less than the sum of all revenues.

6.  The man who goes to bed early to save the cost of a candle will wake up the father of twins.

7.  It’s hard to lead a large organization from a subordinate position.

8. As long as you remain in neutral, you can only go where you’re pushed.

9. You can’t sell the second if you can’t sell the first.

10. When the quarterback says go around left end, you go around left end.

11. Anybody off the street can run a business at a loss.

12. Statistics are for losers.

13. If you don’t get the facts, the facts will get you.

This is an incomplete listing, but I offer this as food for thought for you.  If you are in the early years of your career, or are seeking to begin it, there is great wisdom in these eight phrases.  So much wisdom, in fact, I continue to apply these axioms as I continue to navigate my career decades in.

Please note the theme of integrity that runs through these sayings.  Each of us owes it to himself and to his employer to view himself, the company where he works and his circumstances clearly.  As famed stage magician Teller says, “The biggest lie is the one you tell yourself.”

Note also the emphasis on getting the fundamentals down.  Your talent may get you into a meeting, but a weak handshake or a lack of eye contact may sink your chances.  Or to use another example, you may have gotten the order, but is it profitable?

My personal favorite is rule number 6.  Taking shortcuts or falling for the false economy invariably creates unintended consequences that cost more in the long run.

I hope these will stick with you the way they have with me.

So how about you?  What’s the best career advice you’ve received?  Add your comments below.

Note: A hat tip to Walter Curt, a former associate of Dr. Rader’s for providing some more of Rader’s Rules.

The following story appeared as a guest post by Mark Kinsley on Q’s Views — the blog of Mark Quinn.  I have obtained the permission of Los Dos Marcos to reproduce it in part here.  Click here to read the original post.

A straw wrapper made into a rose — by someone with passion. He or she won’t be a waiter for long.

I want to feature this story here because young men are complaining that there are no jobs available.  I’m not certain that’s entirely true.  What may be more likely is that the jobs on offer aren’t important enough, high-profile enough or well-paying enough.  I concede all of that may be true.  But it’s more likely that the available jobs don’t sync with the very popular advice to pursue your passion.  Enter The Story of the Scullery Maid, as originally told to Mark Kinsley by the Wizard of Ads Roy. H. Williams:

The Story of the Scullery Maid

As a scullery maid, she scrubbed stone floors. One day, with the afternoon off work, she went to listen to a famous intellectual speaking in her town. When his speech was over, nervous and timid, she mustered a moment of courage and stepped into the aisle to speak to the professor. She confessed that she wanted to be like the famous doctor and travel the world giving talks and sharing ideas.

He said to her, “What do you do?”

“I’m nothing more than a scullery maid,” she confessed. “I scrub stone floors.”

“What is the stone made of?” asked the professor. The maid did not know. “Find out what the stone is made of and send me a paper,” said the professor.

With that they cordially parted ways. The scullery maid wasted no time. She went to her master’s home and examined the stone floors, asking him what they were made of. When her master told the maid all he knew, she went to the library to learn more about that particular kind of rock. From there she went to the quarry where the stone was sourced and the factory where they were shaped. She put all her newfound knowledge down on paper.

After months of research and editing, she mailed her paper to the professor and he replied with a simple statement. “Good work. What is under the stone?

Excited that the man she admired had taken time to respond, but also confused by his question, the scullery maid walked over to a loose stone, lifted it from the floor, and saw a single ant. She replied to the professor that under the stone was a single ant. He responded, telling her to find out everything there is to know about ants and send him another paper. For this paper she went even further than the previous. It took her more than a year. She traveled to every library in the land, spoke with educators knowledgeable about bugs, and spent hours observing ants’ behavior in their natural environment. When the paper was complete, she mailed it to the professor and he replied.

“Congratulations, you are now the world’s foremost expert on ants,” he told her.

She spent the rest of her years traveling the world, sharing ideas and giving speeches about ants.

Notice that the maid didn’t begin with a passion for ants.  Instead she had a larger goal that becoming passionate about ants enabled her to reach.

A young man I know dreamed of working in production at Disney. He had an opportunity to move to Orlando to live temporarily with a family friend and contacted Disney World to get an interview.  He succeeded in getting the interview, and took the only job available to him — working as a parking lot attendant at the Magic Kingdom.  Viewing this as a chance to get a foot in the door, he pursued the opportunity with enthusiasm, even posting a photo of his name badge on Instagram.  Although he has not realized his ultimate goal yet, he has a better chance of being promoted within Disney than as a stranger to them.

The German poet Goethe said it this way, “Cease endlessly striving for what you would like to do and learn to love what must be done.”

So how about you?  What is your long-term passion?  What doors are open to you now?  What small steps can you take today to improve your motivation?  Add your comments below.