“If I could turn back the hands of time…”
–Tyrone Davis

When I was a graduate student, we had several beloved instructors. These were men who had distinguished themselves in industry as well as in the applied sciences, and who devoted the last part of their careers to cultivating excellence in the generation behind them. Because the Institute was not a large place, we had the opportunity and the privilege of getting to know our instructors socially as well as academically. One of these sages was a most interesting man, Mr. F.

It’s late. No pressure!

One evening when we were away from campus on a field assignment, Mr. F. told several of us that he had discovered the secret of time travel. Of course we were skeptical — reasoning as we had been taught to question everything, but also to be on the alert for practical jokes. But Mr. F. insisted it was no joke — he had learned how to time travel and he wanted to teach us what he had learned.

Still waiting for the punch line, I asked him to tell us. What he said was not what I expected, but I have found it useful for gaining perspective, for solving “impossible” problems and for helping me to persevere.

Here is what Mr. F. said:

“Whenever I find that I’m in a tough spot, or I’m faced with an intractable problem, I find a quiet place. I sit down, I close my eyes, and I picture myself on the other side of that problem.” He wasn’t joking, and I’m not joking by telling you this.

Here’s why Mr. F. was onto something:

• You realize that the current problem isn’t the end of the line for you — Sometimes just the ability to see yourself as a survivor can help you find the will to press on. As Babe Ruth said, “It’s hard to beat somebody who never gives up.”
• You can look back and figure out how you solved the problem — This sounds crazy, but placing yourself beyond the current situation gives you a different angle on it. You’d be surprised how you can unleash your creativity by altering your point of view. This is similar to sleeping on a decision, but you can do it in far less time.
• You can reduce the stress associated with the problem, making your mind more agile. Stress distracts you. But if the stress is in the past, it doesn’t have that power any more.
• You can put the problem into perspective in relation to your career, your relationships or your finances. This keeps the problem from devouring your life and your hope. Having a fight with your wife or your parents, owing a large sum of money, losing a job or facing a looming deadline — all of these can look like an insurmountable wall in your path. Being able to see that these are episodes in a greater story can help you to avoid overreacting and doing or saying something you’ll regret later. Rashness doesn’t become a gentleman.

No technology on the horizon

For fans of H. G. Wells, Dr. Who, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Groundhog Day, About Time, or any of the hundreds of stories dealing with time machines or time travel, I’m sorry to disappoint you. There is no technology that will enable us to change the past. Trying to do that could lead to comedy injury. Stephen Hawking explains that if time travel were possible in the future, someone would have already returned to tell us.

YOLO. So?

It’s true: You only live once. But instead of using this as a justification for the pursuit of pleasure, why not use Mr. F.’s time travel technique to help you overcome your challenges? We each get the same 24 hours, the same seven days, the same twelve months, the same 365 days. You can get more out of yours if you’re not stalled by problems or immobilized by fear. Try it.

So how about you? How do you intend to use your one and only life? Add your comments below.

I remember a business book published some years ago whose title was “Free, Perfect, and Now.”  The author’s thesis was that customers’ demands had never been higher, and that those who wished to attract and keep those customers needed to be prepared for this new level of expectation.

There’s no such thing as free time.

I suppose it’s a sign of our comparative prosperity that we can expect — and receive on demand — products of such quality and at such a low price.  At the same time, though, I think that the allure of free is hurting us as a people.

Investment equals engagement
In the various opportunities I’ve had to lead, I have noticed that men tend to pay more attention and to generate better results when they have skin in the game.  I’m not a participant in any fantasy sports leagues, but my friends who are report that the degree of engagement and enjoyment of participants tracks with the entry fees required.  This isn’t surprising, since we confer value – genuine value – in those things we’re willing to pay for.

I saw a bit of this dynamic playing out way back in high school.  Some guys I knew worked weekends, nights and summers  and saved to buy their first cars.  These guys took great pride in — and great care of — those cars.  Then there were the guys who received cars as gifts from their parents or grandparents.  It wasn’t true in every case, but far more of those cars ended up wrapped around trees than the ones that were earned the hard way.  Could it be that the drivers who worked for their cars were more careful drivers?

Time and money
What is money, after all?  A convenient common denominator for labor.  So when we spend money it is a representation of all those hours and all that toil.  When we get for free what others have worked for, it erodes the foundation of value and satisfaction.  It also weakens our ability to delay gratification and to persevere.

Ben Stein once wrote that lawyers and exterminators do very similar work, but under drastically different conditions and for significantly different wages.  This is, as Stein points out, a function of supply and demand.  The costs of a legal education are higher than the costs of an exterminator’s training and certification.  As a result, there are fewer lawyers than exterminators, so lawyers make more money.

You get what you pay for
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that my purpose in writing it is to encourage and motivate you toward Thriving, Authentic Masculinity.  That takes in a lot of territory, and it will take time to get there. You can put what we talk about here into practice by making it a point to invest in this process.    Obviously, work is a necessary first step.  Earn your own money and then begin to upgrade — your skills, your manners, your mind, your health, your wardrobe, your character.  You already know excellence is rare, so become excellent and you become more valuable.  It can be done!

We value things more highly when we’ve expended the labor for them.  When your reputation is based on fluff, or on family connections instead of genuine accomplishment, it’s easy to feel like an impostor.  By contrast, when you’ve put in the time and done the hard work, you’re less vulnerable to that kind of self-doubt.

In Part II, we’ll talk about specific ways the allure of free is threatening our well-being.

So how about you?  Where are you willing to invest — your time, your money, yourself — to make a lasting impact?  Add your comments below.