News flash: water is wet

If you spend time on any of the leading social nets (with the possible exception of Instagram) you have probably noticed the digital incarnation of Orwell’s Two Minutes Hate where, in the novel, the population was instructed to vent their frustration at poor Emmanuel Goldstein. And lately there seems to be an exponential increase in the number of Emmanuel Goldsteins.

Thought crime

And what offenses have the objects of this hatred committed? Usually, it’s commenting in the negative on some topic dear to the dominant group. Sometimes, though rarely, it’s an act of defiance. Other times it’s merely having the wrong facial expression. The most important aspect is that the miscreant is bucking the system. But I want to illustrate that this is nothing new.

Imagine a group of young men in a strange city — a seat of government and power. And for daring to affirm their beliefs they paid a terrible price.

If you think I’m talking about Washington, DC, in 2019, read on.

Was it something I said?

In the Old Testament book of Daniel, we read the story about three Hebrew young men named Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah who had been taken captive and carried to Babylon where they received training to become wise men, sages, and seers. Although their captors gave them the Babylonian names Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, these three, along with their companion Daniel, did their best to live in a way to please their God. As you’ll see, this desire made them different. As the Japanese proverb says, “The nail that sticks up gets beaten down.”

Sic semper tyrannis

The Babylonian king, Nebuchadnezzar, was the fulfillment of Lord Acton’s famous saying that power tends to corrupt and absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely. King Nebuchadnezzar set up a 90-foot-tall golden statue for the people to worship. He called all the important people in his government together and told them that whenever they heard music, they had to drop what they were doing and worship the statue. Talk about a power trip!

But it’s worse, because like most tyrants, Nebuchadnezzar added the threat of violence. Anybody who resisted the king’s order to worship would be burned alive in a furnace.

Command performance

The text doesn’t tell us what kind of meeting (if any) Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego held to decide their response, but it is clear they chose not to obey the king’s order. Let’s join the story already in progress:

⁸ Therefore at that time certain Chaldeans came forward and maliciously accused the Jews. ⁹ They declared to King Nebuchadnezzar, “O king, live forever! ¹⁰ You, O king, have made a decree, that every man who hears the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, shall fall down and worship the golden image. ¹¹ And whoever does not fall down and worship shall be cast into a burning fiery furnace. ¹² There are certain Jews whom you have appointed over the affairs of the province of Babylon: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men, O king, pay no attention to you; they do not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
¹³ Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. ¹⁴ Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? ¹⁵ Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”

-Daniel 3: 8-15 (ESV)

Turning up the heat

Our friends are in for it now — they’ve been ratted out by their rivals and confronted directly by an angry king. By the way, it’s always a bad idea to make your leader look bad in front of his followers, but in this case, the three young men knew that they were subjects of a higher king. Look at how they answered the enraged ruler:

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. ¹⁷ If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.¹⁸ But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

– Daniel 3: 16 – 18 (ESV)

And a surprise ending

The king, royally angry, commanded the heat of the furnace be turned up seven times hotter than usual and he had Shadrach, Meshach, and Adednego tied up and thrown into the furnace. The writer tells us that some of the executioners were killed by the heat as they threw the three men into the fire. An important detail given what happens next.

Nebuchadnezzar and his followers looked with fiendish satisfaction into the death chamber and were astonished to see the three men walking around in the fire, untied, and not being consumed at all. And even more surprising, there was a fourth man walking around in the fire with them. The Babylonians described his appearance as “like a son of the gods.”

The king called to the three men and asked them to come out of the fire. When they did, their clothes didn’t even smell like smoke. The God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego saved them.

What can we learn from their example?

Don’t go looking for trouble

Let’s start with knowing what you believe and why. I’ve written on many occasions about the need for cultivating a biblical worldview. The clash with an increasingly hostile culture makes this more important than ever. When you are grounded and established in your frame of reference, you don’t need a guru to tell you whether a policy or a law is moral or immoral, and you will also have the tools to understand when these terms are being used by others to try to control you.

The text doesn’t say, but I don’t think the three Hebrew lads had to discuss their response to the king’s command to idol-worship. Notice also that they didn’t taunt the king to call attention to their disobedience. They simply refused to comply.

But don’t run from it

When you’re among a people who prize going along with the crowd, you can bet someone will notice if you aren’t going along. And when the go-along gang rats you out to the authorities, the correct example is that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Their answer was clear and direct, with no finger-pointing of blame shifting. And, I would add, no whining about the consequences.

Speak the truth in love – and don’t forget the love

In this story, the king seems to understand that what is at stake is his personal supremacy versus that of the God of his Hebrew captives. I marvel at the brazen challenge offered by Nebuchadnezzar: “And who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?” But I’m more amazed by the calm firmness of the answer — our God is able to deliver us from anything, but if he chooses not to, we will still serve him.

Again, notice the lack of trash talk, the lack of anger. Given the positions of authority the three men held, they likely earned their jobs based on faithful performance over time. They probably enjoyed a good relationship with the king as his trusted advisers. Perhaps they even loved him.

In this context, their refusal to worship the statue must have seemed to the king like a betrayal. In response, he threatened their lives and they responded with grace and truth.

Trust God

When the fertilizer contacts the rotating blades, trusting God is all that is left, and all that matters. If you’re His, you can be certain He holds you in His hands. God rescued Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the furnace, and He can rescue you from whatever version this age devises to punish dissidents. But — and this is important — God is not obligated to rescue you, me, or anyone from pain or suffering in this world.

I know this may sound unfair, but the people who tell you God only wants His servants to be healthy, wealthy, and wise — flying only in first-class, and owning the priciest sports cars — are selling something. If you want to know the score, look at Jesus’ personal inner circle from his earthly ministry, the twelve apostles, and at the outcomes of their lives, and you’ll understand that this life is not principally about our comfort.

If you’re sure you’re right, you don’t have to yell

If you believe what Jesus said — that we will know the Truth and the Truth will set us free — then you have all the volume you need. It isn’t necessary to pound the table or shout the other side down. You may receive the gift of supernatural deliverance. You may persuade people around you through your dignified words and demeanor. And you may lose everything this world counts as precious. But take heart — this world does not get the last word, God does.

So how about you? In what ways are you cultivating a biblical worldview? How do you see dissent being punished? Add your comments below.

I worked with a colleague who took particular delight in reciting the title of this post — the first part, anyway — whenever anyone began a statement with, “I hope…” To be fair to my colleague, I think he believed he was demonstrating leadership. But to his poor followers it just came across as peevish and small-minded — especially since he always did it. Without fail. More than once in a meeting if his pupils were too slow to get it the first time around.

Imagine your own real-life Michael Scott waiting to pounce with his, “That’s what she said!” and you’ll get the idea how tiresome his subordinates found it. We kept hoping he’d quit, but since we’d had it pounded into our heads for too long, I decided to put his lesson to practice.

True confessions

I do not want you to think I set an ambush for the fearless leader. I did not. But following another meeting, I ended up having a one-on-one conversation with him, and he asked about the status of some information from a third-party entity. I replied, sincerely, that I expected it to arrive that day and hoped to review it that same afternoon.

Of course he replied, “Hope is not a strategy.” “True,” I answered, “but try living without it.”

The essential nature of hope

You may have heard something like this in the past: A human being can live forty days without food, three days without water, four minutes without oxygen, but only a second without hope. While that may not be 100% accurate from a medical perspective, consider the significant role that our state of mind plays in our overall health.

A 2007 Harvard University study indicated that feelings of hopefulness and curiosity throughout one’s life correlated to lower rates of heart disease and diabetes decades later. And I think most of us have heard of or seen characters in stories that lost the will to live and withered away.

Hope — the belief that there is more than just what my circumstances tell me — is a key ingredient in resilience. You may have already noticed that life will knock you down at times. Hope and resilience will enable you to get back up and keep moving toward your objective.

Hope as a weapon

Hope is essential to human well-being. Tyrants know this, so they seek to extinguish hope in order to break the will of their subjects. The most famous example is from Dante’s Inferno, where according to the poet, the sign above the gates of Hell reads “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” So quite literally, Hell is the absence of hope.

But hope is not a strategy

Let’s clarify what we mean, when we say this. If you tell me you hope to land a great job, but when I ask you how you plan to do that, you don’t have an answer, I’d say your hope for that job is not sufficient. It isn’t a plan that will lead to actions that will lead to the desired outcome. In that sense, your hope is not a strategy.

On the other hand, if you tell me that you have updated your resume and your LinkedIn profile, you’re working your network, and seeking contacts at your desired employer, and that you feel hopeful, I would offer to help you find that job. See the difference?

Hope is only as good as its object

Gauzy hope for the sake of hope is truly useless. Preparation with hope is priceless. And placing your hope in God — who knows you, loves you, and holds you in His hands is irreplaceable.

The apostle Paul told the church at Colosse that Christ in them was, “the hope of glory,” meaning that an ultimate end of living in and following Him was a guarantee that things will turn out for their good and God’s fame. In this sense, hoping in God is a winning strategy — one worth adopting.

So how about you? In what are you placing your hope? Add your comments below.

A very merry Christmas to all of you — and thanks for your reading and commenting this year. A conversation falls apart if only one side is there, so I want to make sure you know I appreciate your lending me your attention.

Christmastime is here with all of its longing and all the ache of unfulfilled hope. It can be a time of unparalleled joy — a real rip — but for many people I know, the season is a mix of high and low. This is something of a choice, and I want to challenge you and me to focus on the tremendous upside that is Christmas.

I am not talking about a new guitar (ahem), outdoor gear, or any present under the tree. Instead, I challenge us to look beyond the reactive trappings to see the reality that set all of them in motion. Here’s my message to you:

Once upon a time there was no need of Christmas

When the world was very young, our first parents were innocent and free. They had responsibility for the entire world — to rule over it, to enjoy it, and to fill it — under the authority of God. Even better, they had face-to-face fellowship with their loving creator.

God told them they could have food from any tree in the paradise that was their home except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God explained that to eat of this tree would bring death. If you’re familiar with the Old Testament book of Genesis, you know that Adam and Eve did, in fact, eat that forbidden fruit — inviting and deserving the consequences. And such consequences! Lying, cheating, blame-shifting, stealing, killing, and dying, along with every sort of sickness and pain came when humanity fell. My sources say that the expression, “This sucks,” originated soewhere around that time.

But God, even though He would have been right to do it, didn’t give up on His image-bearers. Instead, He set in motion a plan of redemption that unfolded over hundreds of years. He chose a people for Himself and saw them through slavery and deliverance, faithfulness and rebellion. He sent sages, judges, and prophets — along with His divine law — to outline and to underscore man’s futility and inability to save himself and to point him back to God.

And at the point it seemed all was lost, God made good on His word. He fulfilled the long-awaited word of the prophets by invading time and space as a helpless baby — the fullness of deity in human form — ultimately to ransom fallen men and women from their bondage to sin. If you haven’t read it lately, here’s the Biblical account according to Luke that establishes the time and place of the pivotal moment of history, the night Jesus Christ the Messiah was born.

The Birth of Jesus
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while^[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.
⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Luke 2:1-20 (NIV)

The point of it all

So you see — our chaos, our brokenness is why Christmas exists. Let’s let it go to our heads — not because we’re good or we deserve it, but because at our worst God loves us so much that He gave His son Jesus.

In my short life, I have seen the world deliver the message repeatedly that we’re on our own. It isn’t true. Christmas proves it. It can be hard to see underneath the advertising and the desire to strip the season of its spiritual significance, but the substance of it is there if you have eyes to see it.

What if it’s all make-believe after all?

I assure you it isn’t, but consider the following. In C.S. Lewis’s The Silver Chair, Puddleglum the Marshwiggle is fighting off the enchantment of the green witch who has enslaved the prince and taken him and his young charges captive. As he extinguishes the witch’s magic fire with his foot, he delivers the following:

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said. But there’s one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.”

So let us live like Christmas people and celebrate the God who came to demonstrate His love for us by laying down His life for you and me. Merry Christmas!

So how about you? How do you intend to celebrate this Christmas? Add your comments below.

While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

About the painting:  This is “Saint Joseph and the Infant Christ” painted by Baciccio — also known as Giovanni Battista Gaulli.  I love this portrayal of Joseph — his expression conveys such love, wonder and reverence.  What genuine nobility!  What a man!  

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.

If the crass commercialization of the season has tempted you to hate Christmas like a certain Dr. Seuss character, I’d like to share with you a practice that has helped my family and me get back to the heart of Christmas.

I first heard Pastor Rick McKinley several years ago on a podcast, talking about an initiative he had started at the church he leads — Imago Dei Community in Portland, Oregon.  He called it “The Advent Conspiracy,” and it was designed to be an antidote to the consumerism that had overtaken the original message of Christmas.

Stated simply, The Advent Conspiracy consists of four ideas:

1. Worship fully
2. Spend less
3. Give more
4. Love all

Worship Fully

The true meaning of Christmas — the inescapable origin of the season — is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Where we’ve gone wrong is that we’ve allowed ourselves to become dull, relegating Jesus to the category of ancient history.

But what if we were to think about the significance of Jesus more deeply?  Consider that God made a perfect world and set humanity at the top of  the created order.  Not long after this, humanity rebelled and rejected God’s authority, bringing about God’s righteous judgment.  Sickness, death and every kind of heartache resulted from this betrayal on our part.

God could have scrapped the whole project, but since his very nature is love, He chose a people for Himself and made them a great nation.  He gave them His law to indicate they were His people, and he sent them prophets, leaders and teachers to communicate His will to them.  And when the time was right, this loving God took on human flesh — leaving the splendor of Heaven — and chose to be born into the world he created as a helpless baby.  The coming near of God and the establishment of His kingdom on earth — the hope for all humanity — is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This is why we worship for all we’re worth.

Spend Less

From the time our sons were babies, we’ve always had a budget for Christmas and stuck to it. Even so, since we’ve adopted the Advent Conspiracy, we’ve sought to spend less for gifts while increasing the value of each one.  Part of this is to designate ten percent of our Christmas budget to benevolence — that is, making it a point to do a kindness to those who have less.  Another part is to manage our expectations and intentionally limit the size of our Christmas budget.

Give more

It seems like an oxymoron to spend less and give more, but there is a way.  McKinley calls it giving presence, rather than presents.  With this idea, our gifts to family members and each other are more thoughtful and involve an experience more than an object.  For example, a few Christmases ago, my younger son gave me a deep-winter backpacking weekend.  What a splendid gift!  We shared a weekend of father-son time and made great memories.

The gift of presence is, more than anything, taking the time to give a gift that says, “I get you.  I know you.”  In this case, it really is the thought that counts.

Love All

In the same way God showed His love for the whole world in sending His son,  we look for ways to make Christmas — and life —  better for others.  Our church helps sponsor a Christmas Village Toy Store that sells new, donated toys at a steep discount to disadvantaged families so they can have the dignity of giving gifts to their own children.  The church also takes up a special Christmas Eve offering to help spread the Good News of Jesus around the world.  If you’re not affiliated with a church, you can contribute to the Salvation Army, or send Christmas cheer to kids via Operation Christmas Child.

The subtitle of the book The Advent Conspiracy is “Can Christmas Still Change The World?” I believe it can — and it starts with you and me.  A joyous Advent to you.

So how about you?  In what ways are you recovering the joy and meaning of Christmas? Add your comments below.

Note: I have taken a sabbatical from writing new posts to enable me to focus on family and work matters, but I am committed to keep this site up and running. Meanwhile, I read and respond to all comments and correspondence. I’ll resume regular publishing of new content in January.

Mrs. Booth and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. I am profoundly thankful for the years we have had together, and I look forward to the years ahead. The institution of marriage has suffered multiple body blows over the past several decades — and the situation is so bad I hear some of you saying you never plan to marry. You may be called to lifelong singleness, but I doubt it. So whether or not you’re able to see yourself married in the future, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 30-plus years.

Marriage is hard work…

Dating and courtship are generally good things if one remembers that he is seeking a wife. As good as these methods may be, they provide incomplete data. Nothing prepares a couple for the reality of married life. It’s different when you’ve taken vows before God and witnesses to become one for the rest of your life. Critics scoff that it’s “just a piece of paper.” They are wrong. The weight of marriage strips away the prerogatives of consumerism — you can’t legitimately trade in a wife like a used car. And the work of marriage is to work beyond the infatuation of the early years into knowing and being known through every circumstance.

…But it’s worth it

I’d fail you if I lied and said every day was like a cotton-candy scented rainbow. But the challenges my wife and I have overcome together and the high points we’ve also shared have united us in ways I can’t adequately describe. Even when money is short or work is stressing me out, having an intimate ally is a great blessing. And if you have children, having a solid marriage provides them with significant advantages in terms of their spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. All this to say, you can choose this and work toward it, and it will pay off for generations.

Marriage teaches you

Futurist George Gilder said marriage’s function was to civilize men. I don’t agree completely. I have learned over the years that marriage is, as my pastor says, the graduate school of service. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, there is a great pot of selfishness that has to die. Interestingly, that selfishness can’t die until it gets exposed. That happens in episodes over time.

If you had asked me on my wedding day if I thought I was selfish, I would have said no. I know better now, but I am still learning.

You will be tested

The old-school wedding vows exist for a reason. Our ancestors understood that our mortal condition was going to need some help. This is because hard times will come — maybe more than once. While you’re young and attraction is strong, it’s useful to have a reminder that you promised to hold on through tough times.

In our case, the first trial showed up just before our first anniversary in the form of a serious health diagnosis. It was not my finest hour as a husband. We worked through it largely because we are the sort not to enter into vows lightly. Thanks be to God!

And you will be tested

In a couple of previous posts, I have written about the husband’s role as spiritual head — as the leader — of his family. Going all the way back to the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we see that one consequence of our fallen condition is that wives will tend toward dominating their husbands. Men who go along with this tendency rather than lovingly leading their wives can expect to see a loss in respect and attraction on the part of their wives. Understand that the tests a wife throws your way are her way of making sure she has chosen — and still has — the best of men. Leading helps her remember.

There is no magic number

A former colleague brought me to this realization when he explained that he and his wife got divorced after 20 years. “How?” I wondered,”Why?” I couldn’t understand how after all that time they could decide they could no longer stand being married to each other. He said they simply grew apart.

I still find that answer unsatisfying, but it galvanized my view that there is no point in your marriage when you can begin to coast or take your wife for granted. As the man, strive always to be your best. This means getting and staying fit, dressing well for your body type, and maintaining your intellectual and spiritual health as well. Continue to grow and you’ll remain interesting. This will help to maintain her attraction to you. And this will motivate her toward all kinds of good things.

It also means you Have a Plan and a mission, and that you invite your wife to join you in your quest. A quiet evening at home can be great for your marriage. Don’t just come home and flop on the couch by default. Have adventures together. Continue to initiate and to pursue her — in and out of the bedroom.

People say passion fades. I disagree.

Your mileage may vary

I have been married to one — and only one — woman, so understand that what my wife likes may or may not be the same as what your wife likes. Getting to know his own wife is a man’s greatest joy. It takes time, but that’s a good thing because you stay married a day at a time — and you’re aiming for a lifetime.

Likewise, measure what I or any man offers in the way of marriage advice against God’s word and use your God-given sense. I am aware that there are pitfalls in and around marriage — and I have been far from perfect as a husband. Still, I cannot imagine my life any other way, and I thank God again for blessing me with such a wife.

So how about you? How do you plan to build a strong and durable marriage? What lessons have you learned? Add your comments below.

In a recent post, I explained why I’m skeptical of cryptocurrencies — even though I am optimistic about the potential for blockchain technology and its offshoots to create genuine value. This time, I’d like to provide a brief overview of the Bible’s teaching about money.

My pastor likes to explain that Jesus spoke more about money than he did about Heaven and Hell combined. If God came down in the flesh and told you how to regard money properly, you’d listen, right? Well He did. So in the spirit of news you can use, here are ten scriptural principles to help you view money the way God does:

• Money follows faithfulness – In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus wraps up the Sermon on the Mount by reminding his followers that God is a good Father who knows how to take care of His creation. He instructs us not to live and die by what we own, what we eat, or what we wear, instead He tells us to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness. Then, He says, all the things we need will follow (Matthew 6:33).
• Put God first – The Old Testament prophet Malachi chastised the people of God for keeping the finest of their produce for themselves while bringing God their leftovers. The principle and practice of the tithe — giving the first tenth of one’s increase to God — has always been an acid test of one’s faith and devotion. Malachi delivered God’s challenge to his people to test Him by bringing the full tenth and see whether He would, in return, bless them beyond their faithfulness. This challenge remains for us as well. Jesus commended the tithe in the New Testament, even as He corrected the Pharisees for their hard hearts.
• God is God — money is… not – Jesus taught that only God was worthy of our worship. Although we can use money in powerful ways, it has no power of its own. People can and do get confused about this, though. Jesus taught that a man can’t serve two masters, because He’ll end up loving one and hating the other. If money is the rival master, the one who loves it can end up hating God (Luke 16:13).
• It’s not wrong to be smart about money – Jesus told the parable of shrewd manager — a story about a soon-to-be-fired employee who offered to settle his friends’ debts at a discount. In doing this, he delivered a benefit to his soon-to-be-former boss, but he also earned the favor of his friends, and the admiration of Jesus. Look what Jesus said about this man’s  actions:
  The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” Luke 16:8-9 (NIV)
  
• Money is morally neutral – Money is neither good nor bad in itself. It’s simply a tool — an efficient means of exchange that one can use to accomplish good or evil ends. Ah, but what about that “money is the root of all evil” thing? Isn’t that in the Bible? No, it isn’t. What the Apostle Paul wrote is this: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” – 1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV)
• Invest in the Kingdom of God – When he teaches on stewardship and giving, my pastor likes to quote the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” But he adds, “You can send it ahead.” Jesus said we shouldn’t be as concerned about amassing a fortune here on earth. Instead He instructed us to “lay up treasures in Heaven.” He wouldn’t tell us to if were impossible.
  Here’s a thought on how that works: The Bible teaches that faith, hope, and love are the things that endure beyond the grave. Each of these has a relational element since each one must have an object. If so, it follows that we can use our worldly wealth to share faith, hope, and love with those who need them so desperately. In the passage from Luke above, Jesus essentially told His followers to use the resources of this world to take the maximum number of friends to Heaven with us.
• You’re meant to be generous, you know — I often quote King Solomon here. In Proverbs 16:19, the wise king says this: “Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done.” Elsewhere, in chapter 3, he says, “Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it’—when you have it with you.” And in 2 Corinthians 9, the Apostle Paul wrote, “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (ESV)
• Debt is OK only if you’re into being a slave — I realize some financial advisers will talk to you about what they call “good debt.” I’m here to tell you there is only debt and you should avoid it. Consider that Americans owe $830 Billion in credit card debt, and nearly $1.5 Trillion in student loan debt, and then consider that nobody can force you to take out a loan. But once you agree to their terms, your creditors can force you to pay — and at rates that can cripple you. When someone else is telling you what you must do with your own money, you aren’t free. Quoting King Solomon again: “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7 (NIV). I’ve been there and done that, and I plan to live within my means from now on. If you’re among the millions who owe billions and trillions, check out Dave Ramsey. He’s helped lots of people change their habits and become debt-free.
  
• Prosperity and poverty aren’t measures of your status before God – Righteous people fall on hard times. Wicked people sometimes prosper. You’ll drive yourself mad trying to ferret out what you must have done wrong every time the stock market goes down. That’s a little like saying God is displeased when the tide goes out or the moon wanes. Jesus said, “For (God) makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” – Matthew 5:45b (ESV) And we haven’t discussed the Old Testament stories of Joseph and Job, or all the hardships the Apostle Paul endured for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus. Try imprisoned, beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, slandered, and snake-bit as a sample — and then tell me he lacked faith or faithfulness to unleash God’s fountain of prosperity.
• It all belongs to God – God, as creator of the cosmos, is its sovereign ruler. As Dutch theologian and statesman Abraham Kuyper said, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, Mine!” That includes your wallet, dude — and mine. If I have money, assets, talents, or connections, I am to hold them as a steward, and use them profitably to honor and glorify God.

I like what the Methodists used to teach about money: earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can. That’s your takeaway from my post. A last thought from Luke 16. Jesus says,

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. ¹¹ So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? ¹² And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?” Luke 16: 10-11 (NIV).

So how about you? In what ways do you need to adjust your thinking about money? How can you use the resources you have to expand God’s kingdom? Add your comments below.

“It shouldn’t have happened.” Those were my wife’s words on Sunday, October 8 — the day she and her siblings, our nephew, and I said goodbye to their mother, his grandmother, my mother-in-law. “It shouldn’t have happened. But it did.”

Just the facts, ma’am

My mother-in-law, Carolyn, and stepfather-in-law, Jack, were in their car Thursday afternoon, October 5, when a truck in the oncoming lane crossed the center line and hit them head-on. Both of them survived the crash but were badly injured and were rushed to the nearest trauma center. Both were conscious when they arrived, by helicopter and ambulance, respectively. And each was asking how the other was  — not about himself or herself. Family rushed to the ICU where they were in rooms next door to each other, to watch, to pray, to let them each know we were there.

Surgical rounds in a trauma ICU are frank. The trauma surgeon explains how the patient came by her injuries, and then lists them along with what they are doing already and what they plan to do next. My mother-in law’s condition had to stabilize before the surgeon could do anything else.

The next morning, Carolyn was stable, but too frail for surgery. At 3:00 Sunday morning, her heart stopped. Although the nurses were able to restore her pulse, it became clear her heart just couldn’t meet the demands her injuries placed on it, We were going to have to say goodbye.  And at 7:22 that morning, after each of us there had a few moments alone with her, Carolyn Lakes entered the Larger life.

In loving memory

I’m telling you these things for reasons I hope to make clear, but I want this to be a tribute to the wonderful woman who was my mother-in-law. Comedians and musicians have long made fun of the fraught relationship between a husband and his wife’s mother. I never got those jokes. From the first time I met Carolyn, when Mrs. Booth and I were dating and already serious, she was always welcoming and gracious. And through the nearly 32 years of our marriage, she was loving and supportive and never a giver of unsolicited advice.

Twenty-one years ago, when her beloved husband of 41 years died of cancer, I began telling her, “Come to our house whenever you like. Stay as long as you want.” I meant it, and she knew it. But she had made me feel welcome first, so it was easy to return the favor.

It was around that time that I first expressed my gratitude to her for the godly upbringing she and my father-in-law gave to my wife, her brother, and her sisters. That has been the greatest and most lasting gift from this most loving, generous and faithful woman.

Let me count the ways

If you’ll indulge me, I want to recount some of the things I loved most about my mother-in-law.

• Devoted – Carolyn loved God with her heart, soul, mind, and strength. She served her husband, her family, and her church throughout her life. I expect I’ll always remember the bustling kitchen at holidays, the stacks of books in the family room, and the swarms of people who greeted her in the parish hall after Sunday worship. Her love for God gave her a contagious love for people — and they loved her back.
• Active – Music was a big part Carolyn’s life, and she passed that on to her children and grandchildren. She sang in the church choir for years, and joined a community chorus that performed in the Czech Republic. She remained curious and read and listened daily. It was always interesting to discuss politics or theology with her. She took her positions carefully and argued them with vigor, but never took herself too seriously.
• Joyous – There was never anyone in the family more pleased than my mother-in-law to see the whole family together — laughing, telling stories, and sharing a meal she had prepared. She doted on her grandchildren, and was so proud of each of them. Her gentle laugh was never at anyone’s expense — except for that one time when my sister-in-law’s husband came to visit with two right shoes. He gamely wore them to church and when he knelt at the altar rail, the soles of his feet looked like quotation marks. She laughed ’til she cried — we all did.
• Determined – After she became a widow, she didn’t retreat from life. Instead, she got in her car and drove from Florida to New England and points in between to visit family. She did this multiple times over the years.
• Brave – She had already beaten breast cancer, and when doctors diagnosed her with macular degeneration that threatened her sight, she agreed to try a new therapy that required getting injections into her eyeballs. i kid you not! This was one courageous woman. And always a lady.
• Open to new things – She met and married my stepfather-in-law, Jack, when she was eighty. As unlikely as it sounds, it was the most wonderful love story. It was beautiful the way they loved each other and cared for each other. She stunned her family by becoming a dog person! And she adapted her love of travel to Jack’s passion for RV camping. They went all over — including traveling up to our son’s wedding a few months ago.

I’ve written before on the topic “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain.” In those posts I meant that a man can’t just marry a girl and act like she has no ties. The home she comes from is a big part of your future happiness, so pay attention to those family dynamics. If you believe as I do that marriage is a covenant, you’re pledging to stay together until death parts you. A quarrelsome wife and or a quarrelsome mother-in-law are two burdens you can avoid. And a good relationship with your wife’s family is a blessing and a delight. My wonderful mother-in-law Was proof that it can be done.

I am grateful for the woman Carolyn is, for the home my wife grew up in, for the example of Christian character she modeled before us, for the way she loved my father-in-law, for the way she loved Jack, and for the many ways she loved us. I am thankful we will know each other in eternity and celebrate and remember.

Epilogue

Jack remained in intensive care, until the day of Carolyn’s funeral a month after her death. Jack was able to attend the service before committing to the physical therapy he needed to recover from his injuries. He moved from the home he and Carolyn shared and now lives in a nearby senior living community. He and all of our family would appreciate your prayers.

After Carolyn passed away, Tom Petty’s song “Wildflowers” kept playing in my head. I can’t explain it, but I have found it comforting and hopeful to listen to it. Given that Tom Petty and my mother-in-law had Gainesville, Florida, in common, and that they died within a week of each other, it seems fitting that I offer the following:

So how about you? Whom in your life would you like to honor or remember? Add your comments below.

“Rain and storm and dark skies
Well now they don’t mean a thing
If you got a girl that loves you
And who wants to wear your ring
So c’mon mister trouble
We’ll make it through you somehow
We’ll fill this house with all the love
All that heaven will allow”
-Bruce Springsteen “All That Heaven Will Allow”

I have the privilege of attending a lot of wedding functions.  Many of my paying gigs are wedding receptions, and as a result I get to meet with brides and grooms and get to know them a little.   Sometimes I get to offer recommendations regarding the reception.  So far nobody has asked me what I recommend in the way of wedding vows, but if they did,  I would absolutely recommend the traditional vows as they appear in the Book of Common Prayer:

The priest is dead, the church burned down, the groom lost his hair, but they’re still in love and still married.

The Declaration of Consent

The Celebrant says to the woman

N., will you have this man to be your husband; to live
together in the covenant of marriage?  Will you love him,
comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health;
and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you
both shall live?

The Woman answers
I will.

The Celebrant says to the man

N., will you have this woman to be your wife; to live
together in the covenant of marriage?  Will you love her,
comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health;
and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you
both shall live?

The Man answers
I will.

 

The Marriage

The Man, facing the woman and taking her right hand in his, says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my wife, to
have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse,
for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to
cherish, until we are parted by death.  This is my solemn vow.

Then they loose their hands, and the Woman, still facing the man, takes
his right hand in hers, and says

In the Name of God, I, N., take you, N., to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love
and to cherish, until we are parted by death.  This is my
solemn vow.

The loose their hands.

The Priest may ask God’s blessing on a ring or rings as follows

Bless, O Lord, this ring to be a sign of the vows by which
this man and this woman have bound themselves to each
other; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

The giver places the ring on the ring-finger of the other’s hand and says

N., I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all
that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the Name of
the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit (or in the
Name of God).”

First things

Note first that these are vows — solemn promises made first to God, then to each other.  A covenant between the two of you and Almighty God is binding, so the words you speak are important.  I recommend that you and your fiancée study them carefully and mean them when you say them to each other.

Why old-school vows are the best

Did you think I forgot the purpose of this post?  Old-school wedding vows address eight important facets of what marriage is. Here’s my list — feel free to add your insights below:

• Consent

  • — This is a big topic these days.  Traditional vows ask the woman first if she indeed agrees to take her fiancé as her husband.  Then he gets to answer the same question regarding his intention to take her as his wife.

• Duties

  • – Each is to love, comfort, honor and keep the other.  He’s not getting a maid; she’s not getting a butler.

• Faithfulness

  • — Under Heaven, she is to be his highest priority, and he is to be hers.  God is joining you for His purposes and he means for you to remain devoted to each other.  No hall passes or elevator lists.  Nobody on the side.

• Personal

  • – Note the marriage begins with “I, George, take you, Martha, to be my wife.”  The speaking of each other’s names and the choosing of each other verbally is powerful.

• Intimate

  • – “To have and to hold” refers to the importance of the marriage bed over the course of your  life together.  Notice this phrase appears twice in a very short span of time.  It’s that important.

• Exclusive

  • – This is what “forsaking all others” means.  Husbands and wives are to look to each other for the deepest intimacy.  Nobody — not mom and dad, not the kids, not the pastor, not the boss, not former girlfriends, not current friends — is to come before the obligations to love and care for each other

• Forever

  • — “Until we are parted by death” or “As long as we both shall live,” as it is also sometimes said.  Please note: Some couples revise this to “As long as we both shall love.” Barf!  This is essentially saying “I promise until I no longer promise.”  If you can’t commit for life, perhaps you shouldn’t get married.

• No matter what

  • — Notice that the vows spell out the range of conditions a couple can experience — sickness and health; plenty and want; prosperity and adversity — and note that the expectation remains the same regardless of bank balance or blood pressure.

The big idea

If you believe that marriage is given as a sign of the relationship between Christ and the Church, the you can see that the love and devotion due one’s spouse is unconditional.

Someone once asked me, “If you could have all that Heaven is — but without God, would you take it?”  I answered that a Heaven without God would be Hell itself.  It’s a great question for clarifying our motives.

Traditional wedding vows are designed to get at a similar idea.  If health, money, looks, and all the fun dried up, would she be enough?  Would she think you’re enough?   Anything other than a firm yes here spells trouble.

When we perform for newlyweds, I nearly always tell them that marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it.  I stand by that.  If you and your beloved make solid vows and take them seriously, this will help you do the hard but worthwhile work of marriage.

So how about you? What sort of vows do you plan to use for your wedding and why?  Add your comments below.

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” – C. S. Lewis

In two recent posts under this same title, I summarized the message of Roy H. Williams’ and Michael Drew’s book Pendulum: How Past Generations Shape Our Present and Predict Our Future. As I explained in Part I, the thrust of the book is that history unfolds in cycles — like a pendulum — through forty-year arcs from what the authors refer to as a “Peak Me” phase to a “Peak We” phase. The period from a peak We to the next peak We  — one round trip — is roughly eighty years, and the authors claim we are heading for the next peak We in or around 2023 — less than six years from now.

The apex of a We cycle brings an over-the-top emphasis on conformity for the common good, stifling individuality, and suppressing individual liberty. Unfortunately, according to the authors, it always goes to extremes, bringing witch hunts and bloodbaths.

In Part I, I laid out the reasons why I think the current conditions in the US support the authors’ hypothesis. In Part II, I discussed how I think the unpleasantness might show up. Today, I want to offer some thoughts and encouragement on how we ought to live through difficult and dangerous times.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel? We’re going to find out!

Tough times aren’t anything new

First, it’s important to remember that this generation will not be the first to live through a peak We, or even the first to endure hard times. A family member with whom I was discussing this series pointed out that although World War II was a time of excessive violence and conformity, there was also a great deal of wholesome unity as Americans banded together to endure hardship and support the war effort. This observation is correct, and it neither rebuts nor excuses the internment of Japanese Americans in camps.

The potential for overreach notwithstanding, I believe it is possible for faithful men to live honorable, courageous, and fulfilling lives even in the midst of trouble. Consider the persecution of the first-century church at the hands of the Roman Empire. Christians rejected the empire’s demands that they confess Caesar as lord, and they suffered condemnation and martyrdom as a result. Even so, the apostles Peter and Paul each wrote that Christians were to submit to the authorities,  and more – they were to pray for the emperor. If you are unclear how hostile the relationship was between the empire and the church, take a look at the emperor Nero and the persecution he visited on followers of Jesus.

Options = strength. Strength = options

Making it happen

Your mindset matters

Love your neighbor (yes, that one) — If you’re on board with sowing good seed to help your community hold together, let’s go back to the Good Book. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself” goes back 3,000 years — and that’s still the best advice. To love your neighbor when things get dicey, you have to get to know him now, before things get difficult.

“Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: ⁵ Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. ⁶ Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. ⁷ But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.” – Jeremiah 29:4-7 (ESV)

Bridge the divide — Find ways to establish common denominators with your opposite numbers. No, you can’t make people love you but you can model godliness. Previously, I referred to Charles Murray’s book, Coming Apart, and the trends he cited that signified a growing separation between college-educated and non-college-educated Americans.

Emphasize and live in the theology of the body — Recognize that we need each other and we need to be able to cooperate with people who are different from us.

¹² For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit.

¹⁴ For the body does not consist of one member but of many. ¹⁵ If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? ¹⁸ But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. ¹⁹ If all were a single member, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” ²² On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³ and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, ²⁴ which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, ²⁵ that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. ²⁶ If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. – 1 Corinthians 12:12-27

Give space — Don’t be the moral busybody Lewis mentions above. Even if — especially if — you disagree with someone, let him be free to have his opinion without fear of reprisals. The gravest provocation is the one that hounds a man for his private thoughts. Speech codes and political correctness, along with employment practices that result in firings for saying or believing the “wrong” thing, .

We don’t get to choose the time or place…

Theoden: I will not risk open war.
Aragorn: Open war is upon you whether you would risk it or not.”