Mrs. Booth and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. I am profoundly thankful for the years we have had together, and I look forward to the years ahead. The institution of marriage has suffered multiple body blows over the past several decades — and the situation is so bad I hear some of you saying you never plan to marry. You may be called to lifelong singleness, but I doubt it. So whether or not you’re able to see yourself married in the future, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 30-plus years.

Marriage is hard work…

Dating and courtship are generally good things if one remembers that he is seeking a wife. As good as these methods may be, they provide incomplete data. Nothing prepares a couple for the reality of married life. It’s different when you’ve taken vows before God and witnesses to become one for the rest of your life. Critics scoff that it’s “just a piece of paper.” They are wrong. The weight of marriage strips away the prerogatives of consumerism — you can’t legitimately trade in a wife like a used car. And the work of marriage is to work beyond the infatuation of the early years into knowing and being known through every circumstance.

…But it’s worth it

I’d fail you if I lied and said every day was like a cotton-candy scented rainbow. But the challenges my wife and I have overcome together and the high points we’ve also shared have united us in ways I can’t adequately describe. Even when money is short or work is stressing me out, having an intimate ally is a great blessing. And if you have children, having a solid marriage provides them with significant advantages in terms of their spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. All this to say, you can choose this and work toward it, and it will pay off for generations.

Marriage teaches you

Futurist George Gilder said marriage’s function was to civilize men. I don’t agree completely. I have learned over the years that marriage is, as my pastor says, the graduate school of service. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, there is a great pot of selfishness that has to die. Interestingly, that selfishness can’t die until it gets exposed. That happens in episodes over time.

If you had asked me on my wedding day if I thought I was selfish, I would have said no. I know better now, but I am still learning.

You will be tested

The old-school wedding vows exist for a reason. Our ancestors understood that our mortal condition was going to need some help. This is because hard times will come — maybe more than once. While you’re young and attraction is strong, it’s useful to have a reminder that you promised to hold on through tough times.

In our case, the first trial showed up just before our first anniversary in the form of a serious health diagnosis. It was not my finest hour as a husband. We worked through it largely because we are the sort not to enter into vows lightly. Thanks be to God!

And you will be tested

In a couple of previous posts, I have written about the husband’s role as spiritual head — as the leader — of his family. Going all the way back to the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we see that one consequence of our fallen condition is that wives will tend toward dominating their husbands. Men who go along with this tendency rather than lovingly leading their wives can expect to see a loss in respect and attraction on the part of their wives. Understand that the tests a wife throws your way are her way of making sure she has chosen — and still has — the best of men. Leading helps her remember.

There is no magic number

A former colleague brought me to this realization when he explained that he and his wife got divorced after 20 years. “How?” I wondered,”Why?” I couldn’t understand how after all that time they could decide they could no longer stand being married to each other. He said they simply grew apart.

I still find that answer unsatisfying, but it galvanized my view that there is no point in your marriage when you can begin to coast or take your wife for granted. As the man, strive always to be your best. This means getting and staying fit, dressing well for your body type, and maintaining your intellectual and spiritual health as well. Continue to grow and you’ll remain interesting. This will help to maintain her attraction to you. And this will motivate her toward all kinds of good things.

It also means you Have a Plan and a mission, and that you invite your wife to join you in your quest. A quiet evening at home can be great for your marriage. Don’t just come home and flop on the couch by default. Have adventures together. Continue to initiate and to pursue her — in and out of the bedroom.

People say passion fades. I disagree.

Your mileage may vary

I have been married to one — and only one — woman, so understand that what my wife likes may or may not be the same as what your wife likes. Getting to know his own wife is a man’s greatest joy. It takes time, but that’s a good thing because you stay married a day at a time — and you’re aiming for a lifetime.

Likewise, measure what I or any man offers in the way of marriage advice against God’s word and use your God-given sense. I am aware that there are pitfalls in and around marriage — and I have been far from perfect as a husband. Still, I cannot imagine my life any other way, and I thank God again for blessing me with such a wife.

So how about you? How do you plan to build a strong and durable marriage? What lessons have you learned? Add your comments below.

“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

The following story appeared as a guest post by Mark Kinsley on Q’s Views — the blog of Mark Quinn.  I have obtained the permission of Los Dos Marcos to reproduce it in part here.  Click here to read the original post.

A straw wrapper made into a rose — by someone with passion. He or she won’t be a waiter for long.

I want to feature this story here because young men are complaining that there are no jobs available.  I’m not certain that’s entirely true.  What may be more likely is that the jobs on offer aren’t important enough, high-profile enough or well-paying enough.  I concede all of that may be true.  But it’s more likely that the available jobs don’t sync with the very popular advice to pursue your passion.  Enter The Story of the Scullery Maid, as originally told to Mark Kinsley by the Wizard of Ads Roy. H. Williams:

The Story of the Scullery Maid

As a scullery maid, she scrubbed stone floors. One day, with the afternoon off work, she went to listen to a famous intellectual speaking in her town. When his speech was over, nervous and timid, she mustered a moment of courage and stepped into the aisle to speak to the professor. She confessed that she wanted to be like the famous doctor and travel the world giving talks and sharing ideas.

He said to her, “What do you do?”

“I’m nothing more than a scullery maid,” she confessed. “I scrub stone floors.”

“What is the stone made of?” asked the professor. The maid did not know. “Find out what the stone is made of and send me a paper,” said the professor.

With that they cordially parted ways. The scullery maid wasted no time. She went to her master’s home and examined the stone floors, asking him what they were made of. When her master told the maid all he knew, she went to the library to learn more about that particular kind of rock. From there she went to the quarry where the stone was sourced and the factory where they were shaped. She put all her newfound knowledge down on paper.

After months of research and editing, she mailed her paper to the professor and he replied with a simple statement. “Good work. What is under the stone?

Excited that the man she admired had taken time to respond, but also confused by his question, the scullery maid walked over to a loose stone, lifted it from the floor, and saw a single ant. She replied to the professor that under the stone was a single ant. He responded, telling her to find out everything there is to know about ants and send him another paper. For this paper she went even further than the previous. It took her more than a year. She traveled to every library in the land, spoke with educators knowledgeable about bugs, and spent hours observing ants’ behavior in their natural environment. When the paper was complete, she mailed it to the professor and he replied.

“Congratulations, you are now the world’s foremost expert on ants,” he told her.

She spent the rest of her years traveling the world, sharing ideas and giving speeches about ants.

Notice that the maid didn’t begin with a passion for ants.  Instead she had a larger goal that becoming passionate about ants enabled her to reach.

A young man I know dreamed of working in production at Disney. He had an opportunity to move to Orlando to live temporarily with a family friend and contacted Disney World to get an interview.  He succeeded in getting the interview, and took the only job available to him — working as a parking lot attendant at the Magic Kingdom.  Viewing this as a chance to get a foot in the door, he pursued the opportunity with enthusiasm, even posting a photo of his name badge on Instagram.  Although he has not realized his ultimate goal yet, he has a better chance of being promoted within Disney than as a stranger to them.

The German poet Goethe said it this way, “Cease endlessly striving for what you would like to do and learn to love what must be done.”

So how about you?  What is your long-term passion?  What doors are open to you now?  What small steps can you take today to improve your motivation?  Add your comments below.

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.” – Napoleon Hill

Happy New Year, my friends and readers — Ontozoans all! From the title of this post, you may have discerned that I have chosen a focus word for this new year — Breakthrough. Over the past five-to-six years, I have been chipping away at some significant obstacles. Mostly diligently, but occasionally giving in to discouragement and having to reacquire the trail.  Now, though, I can see the horizon on the other side of these obstacles. With God’s help, I’m ready for a breakthrough.

But I don’t just want a breakthrough for myself. I’m praying, believing and working to see breakthroughs in the lives of family members, friends, and professional colleagues, too.

What’s the word?

You may have chosen a focus word for yourself for 2018. It does not have to be the same as mine. The main thing is to encapsulate what you’re aiming at and what you’re trusting God for, so that you can keep going when you’re tired. You’ve very likely made some resolutions and/or established some goals for the new year — I’ve been refining my own list under the breakthrough umbrella — and I hope you’re taking to heart some of the things we talked about here and here. Rather than more advice on how to develop goals or to tell you what your goals ought to be, I’d like for us to talk about how to see them come to fruition. The key is desire.

Sure, you’ve got sound goals, but without desire you’re an empty suit.
(Photo by P. Belch – used with permission)

It’s not what you think…

For many of us, the very word desire has come under a cloud. It’s as though we automatically associate desire with something unwholesome, something sinful. But isn’t it possible to long for something noble and good? I would argue that anyone who has been homesick or who has missed his beloved or who has grieved at the death of a loved one knows this appropriate form of desire. This kind of desire is a gift from God, and it is to the soul what magnetic north is to a compass.

Two other thoughts here: If you’d like to research this idea, John Eldredge’s book, The Journey of Desire, does an excellent job of unburdening the word from its unfortunate associations. And second, if I’m in danger of losing you for the balance of this post, please consider substituting the word passion instead. It’s the intensity that one brings to the pursuit that matters.

…Except it IS what you think

I’ve always been skeptical of the “name it & claim it” school of theology, and for a long time I thought it was prideful to want something. That is, I believed that I was pitting my will against that of God by having ambition. So instead of prayerfully setting some goals, I spiritualized my fear of failure and rationalized my procrastination. As Louis Rader said, “As long as you remain in neutral, you can only go where you’re pushed.” That was me — waiting on God to push me — even though he had given me a healthy mind and a healthy body.

Thank God, I got some help finding the godly middle ground between the manifestly incorrect Prosperity Gospel and the equally incorrect sanctified ambivalence. I have learned since that many times God has communicated His will through the desires of my heart and the ways He has equipped me to bring them to life. To clarify, I don’t just go with whatever feeling I have at the moment, and I am very careful to sort out my desires in the light of scripture. Instead, I walk with God so that over time, my heart’s desire comes to resemble His. And the things my heart responds to very often lead me to the center of His will.

The behaviorist’s path

Behavioral psychology has debunked one of my long-held notions. Where previously, I thought that moods and feelings were kind of like the weather — that is, we can’t change them, so we just have to wait for a better set of conditions to come along. Behavioral psych says it isn’t like that at all. Our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings influence our behaviors. If you’re a man with goals and ambitions, consider very carefully what thoughts you entertain. The Apostle Paul was writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit when he advised the Philippian church:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

This is good counsel for living a moral life, but it is also the way to discipline your mind and your life for maximum impact. Measure your feelings against the thoughts that inspired them, and measure those thoughts against Truth. Build on your strengths and reinforce the best that God has placed in you.

When you fail at a task, talk to yourself the way your best teacher or coach would — or the way you would speak to a student under your instruction.

How bad do you want it?

My pastor teaches that the key to breaking any addiction is love. The addict who wants to be free must love something else (God) more than the substance he’s addicted to. He also likes to say that God is under no obligation to deliver us from our friends. If we love our chains, God will leave us in them.

If one of your resolutions this year is to get out of debt (present!), ask yourself how badly you want to be free of your indebtedness. If you lack down-to-the-bone commitment, you will not succeed.

A certain amount of doubt will creep in along the way, but if you can’t find a passion for the end result from the comfort of your couch, perhaps you have the wrong goal.

Make it automatic

A great deal of success in life boils down to having the right habits. We all know bad habits are too easily acquired and are equally hard to defeat, but good habits can be equally stubborn. If you want to be fit and active throughout your life, you’ll want to cultivate the habits of exercise and sound nutrition. You can research anything (There’s this thing called The Internet, see?), but to make a habit of it, you need to practice the desired behavior consistently for three weeks.

It will feel weird and unpleasant at first — perhaps even for the entire three weeks. This is where desire comes in. You have to have passion to propel you through the uncomfortable first steps until the new behavior becomes habitual.

Review and refocus to return refreshed

Even when you’ve established the habit you want, life will intrude. Work issues will flare up, illness or injury will derail your fitness regimen, or you’ll have to spend your writing time earning extra money to keep your car on the road. Take the long view and recognize this is a temporary setback. It’s important to emphasize the word temporary.

Also, note you’re going to want to review the vision — the desired end state — to remain committed to it. This is true even if none of the dread circumstances above happen to you. At various times in my life, I’ve taped goals or things I wanted to learn to my bathroom mirror. It’s a great way to keep your goals in view while you brush your teeth. And, once again, this is the beauty of a focus word.

Seek help

Most of the people in your life want you to succeed. (Well, OK, some of the people in your life want you to succeed.) Why not tell them what you’re up to? The act of publicizing what you’re trying to accomplish will help you maintain your drive. Do you know anyone else with a similar objective? Can you share resources, critique each other’s work, or recommend each other? Find partners and fellow pilgrims.

And pray. If God is the source of your vision, why not seek His wisdom and ask for perseverance as you run the prescribed course toward your goals?

This doesn’t just apply to goals and resolutions, but I thought now would be a good time to talk about it. Happy 2018!

So how about you? What are you setting your heart on in the new year? Add your focus word as a comment to share how you intend to stay motivated through the entire year.

“When we are out of sympathy with the young then I think our work in this world is over.” – George McDonald

Recently, I ran into a former colleague and her high school aged son. As we caught up, I asked the young man about his plans following high school. He replied: “College, of course!” He’s an intelligent fellow with intelligent parents so I’m not surprised. What was pleasantly surprising was that he’s seriously thinking about taking a path we’ve discussed here before — taking his first two years at the local technical college before transferring as a junior to a state university. Since he’s thinking about a career in healthcare, this is a sound plan.

The changing nature of work

As the end of 2015 approached, I read many articles predicting the future technologies that will affect our lives this year and beyond. Some are amusing. Some are alarming. Some seem beneficial, and some are hard to categorize. The fact is that due to technology, economics, politics, and demographics the kind of work we do and how we do that work will change. The question is, what can a man do today to be prepared for the likely changes?

Working hard or hardly working?
Photo by Joseph Booth

Seek education

One of the ways you can avoid poverty is to stay in school. According to 2012 data (the most recent I could find), high school graduates earn a median income (that is, the middle of the range of incomes) of just over $29,000 per year. Add a two-year Associates Degree, and the median income increases to nearly $38,000/year. The median income for a bachelor’s degree is over $50,000/year. Not only does having a degree lead to higher earnings, unemployment among those with a bachelor’s degree remained low throughout the worst of the great recession.

Now for the disclaimer: A degree is not like a lucky charm. You have to work to earn it, and once you have the job, you have to deliver a consistent return to your employer that is greater than your pay. To do this, not all degrees are created equal.

STEM the tide of unemployment

Degrees in the STEM fields — that is, Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics — will put you in demand. The US lags behind in educational attainment in science and math, and this is creating problems for companies that will hire you if you have what it takes. If you’re suited to it, I recommend pursuing a two or four-year degree in a STEM-related discipline. Hint: These majors don’t usually end in the word “studies.”

As you consider your formal education, think first about the career you want as it fits within your life’s purpose. Then investigate the educational prerequisites for that career, and evaluate how your interests and your giftedness line up with these fields of study. Then pursue a degree with the best fit. You’ll fare better this way than if you pursue a course of study based on the starting salaries of holders of a given degree. Yes, getting paid is important. And earning enough to recoup the cost of your education is also important, but life is about more than what you earn.

But also seek wisdom

While STEM degrees are needed in our increasingly technologically saturated marketplace, and the STEM departments in most institutes of higher learning are blessedly free of the corruption of political correctness, you must also make time to cultivate the architecture of your soul. No doubt there is wonder in the periodic table, and grandeur in the laws of physics, but you owe it to yourself to read the great works of western civilization under the leadership of a wise and honest instructor.

So I strongly recommend that you also study literature, language, history, philosophy, and the arts. Read Aristotle, Homer, and the Bible. In doing this you will, to paraphrase novelist Tom Robbins, furnish your mind like a comfortable living room instead of like an office cubicle. This will also make it possible for you to think more broadly and insightfully about the work you do and to understand the times in which you live — a valuable thing when technologies rise and fall within a short span (remember Blockbuster video?) leaving the less flexible stranded as they struggle to adjust.

Professor Gelernter explains it

Yale computer science professor David Gelernter wrote an essay recently for the Wall Street Journal titled “Machines That Can Think and Feel” in which he explained why artificial intelligence was not close to replicating human consciousness. The reason was not that computer scientists lack the skill or desire to do so, it was simply because they are currently focusing solely on the logical and computational functions that our brains can perform, while ignoring the emotional component entirely. His critique of this approach is that it is like “trying to get to California (so to speak) without ever leaving I-95.”

I would add that an emphasis on STEM disciplines that excludes the arts and humanities, faith and values would seem to be an attempt to make men more like their robotic counterparts — the same error, only in the oncoming lane. And as C.S. Lewis said, “Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.”

Avoid turk work

Note the lower-case “T” indicating I’m not referring to a nationality. Turk work is anything that can ultimately be replaced by automation. These are often pay-by-the-piece tasks that pay very little for each repetition. If you want to see an example of this, click here to see Amazon’s Mechanical Turk job board. Similarly disappointing (in my opinion) experiences are available through gig economy staples such as fiverr.com or taskrabbit.com. As I’ve written before, we should all be looking for work that exists at the apex of our purpose, passion, and potential.

For the time being, driving for one of the ride-sharing companies, such as Uber or Lyft, may provide some income, but once self-driving taxis take off, that work will also go the way of the video store. Over the road truck drivers are similarly vulnerable, by the way, as are the sign twirlers outside the tax preparation offices.

But by all means work

I know several men in my age bracket who are changing or have changed jobs. The decisions aren’t always easy, as at least one friend is having to uproot his family to start over in a new city and state. However, this move is wise as it will provide a better income and a more humane work environment. Another young man I know has taken on seasonal work as a laborer while he pursues an additional certification. I’m betting on him to come out of this ordeal stronger. If you have the choice between working and not working, work. You’ll gain credibility if your next boss sees you have a bias toward action.

Rise above the gig economy like a boss

Changes in health care and tax law have dried up full-time employment opportunities for a lot of you. Some of you are having to stitch together two or more 20-hour-a-week part-time jobs to pay the bills. The hard part is these jobs under 30 hours don’t come with health insurance. If you’re in this situation, working as a contractor, you may want to consider forming your own personal services company. One young man I know did this and was able to increase his income significantly, as his client pays the contract rate he charges. You can file an LLC in many states for as little as a couple hundred dollars. If you’re stuck in gigland, you might want to consider it.

Here’s how I’m doing it

For my part, I earned a degree in Spanish from a liberal arts college, took a sales job out of college and worked for a couple of years before going to graduate school in an applied science (STEM), which led to my working in the textile industry from graduation to the present. I also formed a general partnership with my wife to manage and operate the band we own. And, as you’ve no doubt noticed, I blog. The things I’m doing are the fruit of getting an education, going to work, delivering results, and continuing to learn. You can do these things and more — just stay aware that the market will continue to change and be ready to change with it.

So how about you? How are you preparing for the work environment of tomorrow? Add our comments below.

Update: Just this week two news articles brought this post to mind:

1. Artificial intelligence advances have resulted in machines that can beat professionals at poker. Machines’ increasing abilities to “reason” and solve complex problems will, over time, even begin to absorb what today is regarded as knowledge work.
2. Uber X is fielding driverless cars in Arizona. While the technology is not perfect (yet) the company has a human copilot in every car just in case. As these systems become more reliable, and the legal liabilities get sorted out, expect to see fewer opportunities for gig employment as a driver.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing
    and obtains favor from the Lord.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)

Mrs. Booth and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary this week. I am profoundly thankful for the years we have had together, and I look forward to the years ahead. The institution of marriage has suffered multiple body blows over the past several decades — and the situation is so bad I hear some of you saying you never plan to marry. You may be called to lifelong singleness, but I doubt it. So whether or not you’re able to see yourself married in the future, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 30 years.

Established 1985

Marriage is hard work…

Dating and courtship are generally good things if one remembers that he is seeking a wife. As good as these methods may be, they provide incomplete data. Nothing prepares a couple for the reality of married life. It’s different when you’ve taken vows before God and witnesses to become one for the rest of your life. Critics scoff that it’s “just a piece of paper.” They are wrong. The weight of marriage strips away the prerogatives of consumerism — you can’t legitimately trade in a wife like a used car. And the work of marriage is to work beyond the infatuation of the early years into knowing and being known through every circumstance.

…But it’s worth it

I’d fail you if I lied and said every day was like a cotton-candy scented rainbow. But the challenges my wife and I have overcome together and the high points we’ve also shared have united us in ways I can’t adequately describe. Even when money is short or work is stressing me out, having an intimate ally is a great blessing. And if you have children, having a solid marriage provides them with significant advantages in terms of their spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. All this to say, you can choose this and work toward it, and it will pay off for generations.

Marriage teaches you

Futurist George Gilder said marriage’s function was to civilize men. I don’t agree completely. I have learned over the years that marriage is, as my pastor says, the graduate school of service. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, there is a great pot of selfishness that has to die. Interestingly, that selfishness can’t die until it gets exposed. That happens in episodes over time.

If you had asked me on my wedding day if I thought I was selfish, I would have said no. I know better now, but I am still learning.

You will be tested

The old-school wedding vows exist for a reason. Our ancestors understood that our mortal condition was going to need some help. This is because hard times will come — maybe more than once. While you’re young and attraction is strong, it’s useful to have a reminder that you promised to hold on through tough times.

In our case, the first trial showed up just before our first anniversary in the form of a serious health diagnosis. It was not my finest hour as a husband. We worked through it largely because we are the sort not to enter into vows lightly. Thanks be to God!

And you will be tested

In a couple of previous posts, I have written about the husband’s role as spiritual head — as the leader — of his family. Going all the way back to the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we see that one consequence of our fallen condition is that wives will tend toward dominating their husbands. Men who go along with this tendency rather than lovingly leading their wives can expect to see a loss in respect and attraction on the part of their wives. Understand that the tests a wife throws your way are her way of making sure she has chosen — and still has — the best of men. Leading helps her remember.

There is no magic number

A former colleague brought me to this realization when he explained that he and his wife got divorced after 20 years. “How?” I wondered,”Why?” I couldn’t understand how after all that time they could decide they could no longer stand being married to each other. He said they simply grew apart.

I still find that answer unsatisfying, but it galvanized my view that there is no point in your marriage when you can begin to coast or take your wife for granted. As the man, strive always to be your best. This means getting and staying fit, dressing well for your body type, and maintaining your intellectual and spiritual health as well. Continue to grow and you’ll remain interesting. This will help to maintain her attraction to you. And this will motivate her toward all kinds of good things.

It also means you Have a Plan and a mission, and that you invite your wife to join you in your quest. A quiet evening at home can be great for your marriage. Don’t just come home and flop on the couch by default. Have adventures together. Continue to initiate and to pursue her — in and out of the bedroom.

People say passion fades. I disagree.

Your mileage may vary

I have been married to one — and only one — woman, so understand that what my wife likes may or may not be the same as what your wife likes. Getting to know his own wife is a man’s greatest joy. It takes time, but that’s a good thing because you stay married a day at a time — and you’re aiming for a lifetime.

Likewise, measure what I or any man offers in the way of marriage advice against God’s word and use your God-given sense. I am aware that there are pitfalls in and around marriage — and I have been far from perfect as a husband. Still, I cannot imagine my life any other way, and I thank God again for blessing me with such a wife.

It’s worth it

So how about you? How do you plan to build a strong and durable marriage? What lessons have you learned? Add your comments below.

P.S. In honor of 31 years, I want to add a few extra thoughts here:

1. You stay married a day at a time — that’s how you make the years count.
2. You’ll never know how good it can be if you don’t stick it out through the tough times.
3. Make your marriage the most important relationship in the house. Kids are supposed to grow up and leave. If you haven’t made your marriage central, your kids will move out and your household will lose its reason for being. This is not good.
4. Becoming grandparents opens up whole new reservoirs of delight.
   

   Update: It’s still worth it!

“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

“When we are out of sympathy with the young then I think our work in this world is over.” – George McDonald

Recently, I ran into a former colleague and her high school aged son. As we caught up, I asked the young man about his plans following high school. He replied: “College, of course!” He’s an intelligent fellow with intelligent parents so I’m not surprised. What was pleasantly surprising was that he’s seriously thinking about taking a path we’ve discussed here before — taking his first two years at the local technical college before transferring as a junior to a state university. Since he’s thinking about a career in healthcare, this is a sound plan.

The changing nature of work

As the end of 2015 approached, I read many articles predicting the future technologies that will affect our lives this year and beyond. Some are amusing. Some are alarming. Some seem beneficial, and some are hard to categorize. The fact is that due to technology, economics, politics, and demographics the kind of work we do and how we do that work will change. The question is, what can a man do today to be prepared for the likely changes?

Working hard or hardly working?
Photo by Joseph Booth

Seek education

One of the ways you can avoid poverty is to stay in school. According to 2012 data (the most recent I could find), high school graduates earn a median income (that is, the middle of the range of incomes) of just over $29,000 per year. Add a two-year Associates Degree, and the median income increases to nearly $38,000/year. The median income for a bachelor’s degree is over $50,000/year. Not only does having a degree lead to higher earnings, unemployment among those with a bachelor’s degree remained low throughout the worst of the great recession.

Now for the disclaimer: A degree is not like a lucky charm. You have to work to earn it, and once you have the job, you have to deliver a consistent return to your employer that is greater than your pay. To do this, not all degrees are created equal.

STEM the tide of unemployment

Degrees in the STEM fields — that is, Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics — will put you in demand. The US lags behind in educational attainment in science and math, and this is creating problems for companies that will hire you if you have what it takes. If you’re suited to it, I recommend pursuing a two or four-year degree in a STEM-related discipline. Hint: These majors don’t usually end in the word “studies.”

As you consider your formal education, think first about the career you want as it fits within your life’s purpose. Then investigate the educational prerequisites for that career, and evaluate how your interests and your giftedness line up with these fields of study. Then pursue a degree with the best fit. You’ll fare better this way than if you pursue a course of study based on the starting salaries of holders of a given degree. Yes, getting paid is important. And earning enough to recoup the cost of your education is also important, but life is about more than what you earn.

But also seek wisdom

While STEM degrees are needed in our increasingly technologically saturated marketplace, and the STEM departments in most institutes of higher learning are blessedly free of the corruption of political correctness, you must also make time to cultivate the architecture of your soul. No doubt there is wonder in the periodic table, and grandeur in the laws of physics, but you owe it to yourself to read the great works of western civilization under the leadership of a wise and honest instructor.

So I strongly recommend that you also study literature, language, history, philosophy, and the arts. Read Aristotle, Homer, and the Bible. In doing this you will, to paraphrase novelist Tom Robbins, furnish your mind like a comfortable living room instead of like an office cubicle. This will also make it possible for you to think more broadly and insightfully about the work you do and to understand the times in which you live — a valuable thing when technologies rise and fall within a short span (remember Blockbuster video?) leaving the less flexible stranded as they struggle to adjust.

Professor Gelernter explains it

Yale computer science professor David Gelernter wrote an essay recently for the Wall Street Journal titled “Machines That Can Think and Feel” in which he explained why artificial intelligence was not close to replicating human consciousness. The reason was not that computer scientists lack the skill or desire to do so, it was simply because they are currently focusing solely on the logical and computational functions that our brains can perform, while ignoring the emotional component entirely. His critique of this approach is that it is like “trying to get to California (so to speak) without ever leaving I-95.”

I would add that an emphasis on STEM disciplines that excludes the arts and humanities, faith and values would seem to be an attempt to make men more like their robotic counterparts — the same error, only in the oncoming lane. And as C.S. Lewis said, “Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.”

Avoid turk work

Note the lower-case “T” indicating I’m not referring to a nationality. Turk work is anything that can ultimately be replaced by automation. These are often pay-by-the-piece tasks that pay very little for each repetition. If you want to see an example of this, click here to see Amazon’s Mechanical Turk job board. Similarly disappointing (in my opinion) experiences are available through gig economy staples such as fiverr.com or taskrabbit.com. As I’ve written before, we should all be looking for work that exists at the apex of our purpose, passion, and potential.

For the time being, driving for one of the ride-sharing companies, such as Uber or Lyft, may provide some income, but once self-driving taxis take off, that work will also go the way of the video store. Over the road truck drivers are similarly vulnerable, by the way, as are the sign twirlers outside the tax preparation offices.

But by all means work

I know several men in my age bracket who are changing or have changed jobs. The decisions aren’t always easy, as at least one friend is having to uproot his family to start over in a new city and state. However, this move is wise as it will provide a better income and a more humane work environment. Another young man I know has taken on seasonal work as a laborer while he pursues an additional certification. I’m betting on him to come out of this ordeal stronger. If you have the choice between working and not working, work. You’ll gain credibility if your next boss sees you have a bias toward action.

Rise above the gig economy like a boss

Changes in health care and tax law have dried up full-time employment opportunities for a lot of you. Some of you are having to stitch together two or more 20-hour-a-week part-time jobs to pay the bills. The hard part is these jobs under 30 hours don’t come with health insurance. If you’re in this situation, working as a contractor, you may want to consider forming your own personal services company. One young man I know did this and was able to increase his income significantly, as his client pays the contract rate he charges. You can file an LLC in many states for as little as a couple hundred dollars. If you’re stuck in gigland, you might want to consider it.

Here’s how I’m doing it

For my part, I earned a degree in Spanish from a liberal arts college, took a sales job out of college and worked for a couple of years before going to graduate school in an applied science (STEM), which led to my working in the textile industry from graduation to the present. I also formed a general partnership with my wife to manage and operate the band we own. And, as you’ve no doubt noticed, I blog. The things I’m doing are the fruit of getting an education, going to work, delivering results, and continuing to learn. You can do these things and more — just stay aware that the market will continue to change and be ready to change with it.

So how about you? How are you preparing for the work environment of tomorrow? Add our comments below.

“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

“The starting point of all achievement is desire.” – Napoleon Hill

Happy New Year, all you Ontozoans! You’ve very likely made some resolutions and/or established some goals for 2016 — I’ve been refining my own list — and I hope you’re taking to heart some of the things we discussed here and here. Rather than more advice on how to develop goals, I’d like for us to talk about how to see them come to fruition. The key is desire.

Sure, you’ve got sound goals, but without desire you’re an empty suit.
(Photo by P. Belch – used with permission)

It’s not what you think…

For many of us, the very word desire has come under a cloud. It’s as though we automatically associate desire with something unwholesome, something sinful. But isn’t it possible to long for something noble and good? I would argue that anyone who has been homesick or who has missed his beloved or who has grieved at the death of a loved one knows this appropriate form of desire. This kind of desire is a gift from God, and it is to the soul what magnetic north is to a compass.

Two other thoughts here: If you’d like to research this idea, John Eldredge’s book, Desire (formerly titled The Journey of Desire), does an excellent job of unburdening the word from its unfortunate associations. And second, if I’m in danger of losing you for the balance of this post, please consider substituting the word passion instead. It’s the intensity that one brings to the pursuit that matters.

…Except it IS what you think

I’ve always been skeptical of the “name it & claim it” school of theology, and for a long time I thought it was prideful to want something. That is, I believed that I was pitting my will against that of God by having ambition. So instead of prayerfully setting some goals, I spiritualized my fear of failure and rationalized my procrastination. As Louis Rader said, “As long as you remain in neutral, you can only go where you’re pushed.” That was me — waiting on God to push me — even though he had given me a healthy mind and a healthy body.

Thank God, I got some help finding the godly middle ground between the manifestly incorrect Prosperity Gospel and the equally incorrect sanctified ambivalence. I have learned since that many times God has communicated His will through the desires of my heart. To clarify, I don’t just go with whatever feeling I have at the moment. Instead, I walk with God so that over time, my heart’s desire comes to resemble His. And the things my heart responds to very often lead me to the center of His will.

The behaviorist’s path

Behavioral psychology has debunked one of my long-held notions. Where previously, I thought that moods and feelings were kind of like the weather — that is, we can’t change them, so we just have to wait for a better set of conditions to come along. Behavioral psych says it isn’t like that at all. Our thoughts influence our feelings. Our feelings influence our behaviors. If you’re a man with goals and ambitions, consider very carefully what thoughts you entertain. The Apostle Paul was writing under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit when he advised the Philippian church:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

This is good counsel for living a moral life, but it is also the way to discipline your mind and your life for maximum impact. Measure your feelings against the thoughts that inspired them, and measure those thoughts against Truth. Build on your strengths and reinforce the best that God has placed in you.

When you fail at a task, talk to yourself the way your best teacher or coach would — or the way you would speak to a student under your instruction.

How bad do you want it?

My pastor teaches that the key to breaking any addiction is love. The addict who wants to be free must love something else (God) more than the substance he’s addicted to. He also likes to say that God is under no obligation to deliver us from our friends. If we love our chains, God will leave us in them.

If one of your resolutions this year is to get out of debt, ask yourself how badly you want to be free of your indebtedness. If you lack down-to-the-bone commitment, you will not succeed.

A certain amount of doubt will creep in along the way, but if you can’t find a passion for the end result from the comfort of your couch, perhaps you have the wrong goal.

Make it automatic

A great deal of success in life boils down to having the right habits. We all know bad habits are too easily acquired and are equally hard to defeat, but good habits can be equally stubborn. If you want to be fit and active throughout your life, you’ll want to cultivate the habits of exercise and sound nutrition. You can research anything (There’s this thing called The Internet, see?), but to make a habit of it, you need to practice the desired behavior consistently for three weeks.

It will feel weird and unpleasant at first — perhaps even for the entire three weeks. This is where desire comes in. You have to have passion to propel you through the uncomfortable first steps until the new behavior becomes habitual.

Review and refocus to return refreshed

Even when you’ve established the habit you want, life will intrude. Work issues will flare up, illness or injury will derail your fitness regimen, or you’ll have to spend your writing time earning extra money to keep your car on the road. Take the long view and recognize this is a temporary setback. It’s important to emphasize the word temporary.

Also, note you’re going to want to review the vision — the desired end state — to remain committed to it. This is true even if none of the dread circumstances above happen to you. At various times in my life, I’ve taped goals or things I wanted to learn to my bathroom mirror. It’s a great way to keep your goals in view while you brush your teeth.

Seek help

Most of the people in your life want you to succeed. (Well, OK, some of the people in your life want you to succeed.) Why not tell them what you’re up to? The act of publicizing what you’re trying to accomplish will help you maintain your drive. Do you know anyone else with a similar objective? Can you share resources, critique each other’s work, or recommend each other? Find partners and fellow pilgrims.

And pray. If God is the source of your vision, why not seek His wisdom and ask for perseverance as you run the prescribed course toward your goals?

This doesn’t just apply to goals and resolutions, but I thought now would be a good time to talk about it. Happy 2016!

So how about you? What are you setting your heart on in the new year? Add your comment to share how you intend to stay motivated through the entire year.