By now you’ve certainly heard or read that Procter & Gamble’s Gillette brand group has launched an ad (or perhaps a campaign) urging men to “Shave their toxic masculinity.” If you believe all publicity is good publicity, this would look like a victory for Gillette. However, if your purpose is to attract more loyal customers, it’s hard to see how this ad will make that happen.

Half a cheer for taking a stand

Let’s give Gillette credit for purchasing expensive air time to promote their corporate point of view. And let’s concede that the abuses of masculine strength they call out are genuinely wrong. I’ve taught my own sons and published this blog to reinforce the purpose and appropriate use of masculine strength.

Where the blade slips

Here’s the problem: Gillette blames all men for the misuse of masculine strength. Cultural Marxist feminism has sought to destroy men by diminishing and vilifying them simply for being men. This is the same cohort that attempted to define the marriage bed — that transcendent one-flesh union that is a glorious gift of God — as rape. That’s right: they call sexual relations between a husband and his wife rape.

Whether they mean to or not Gillette tars all men with the broad brush of “toxic masculinity” — a term of art used to smear any masculine expression that doesn’t conform to current-year pieties. It’s purposely vague and obviously intended to exert control over men and their behavior, particularly men who are more traditionally masculine.

In my view, this is not just bad business, but Procter & Gamble have allowed a political -ism to hijack its brand and in doing so, alienate its loyal customers.

Piling on

Coincidentally, the American Psychiatric Association issued a report just a few days before the Gillette ad saying that traditional masculinity was harmful. And there it is! To be a man is to be bad. We have a lot to look forward to as the implications of this study take root.

Bleeding out

I’ve read several articles on the Gillette ad, and I have particularly enjoyed reading the comment sections following each. While I didn’t find any commenters acting as champions for sexual harassment, bullying, or sexual violence, I did see men and women rejecting the slander and declaring their intention not to buy Procter & Gamble products going forward. It’s a free country, and free men and women get to spend their own money where they will.

Several of the commenters made the point that if you want men to take the lead, don’t berate them in front of the ones who are supposed to follow them. This is correct.

That’s why we want to encourage and affirm at this blog, rather than shame or scold. The other thing I’ve learned is, where men are concerned if you’re talking to everybody, you’re not talking to anybody.

More freedom

Since I practice my freedom of speech here, I support and endorse Procter & Gamble’s right to waste their shareholders’ money on preachy and ineffective ads. I also support and endorse those consumers who choose to take their business elsewhere. Live and let live.

My family and I don’t want to reward a business that seeks to enhance its reputation by slandering men, so we will be shopping more carefully.

About that crisis

Before I close this post, I want to say that there is a crisis in masculinity. But that crisis is spiritual in nature — and it isn’t going to resolve by buying one brand of razor blade or another. And that’s the worst of Gillette’s blunder: call out a social problem with a spiritual root, and present your product as the magic solution. Or worse, position yourself as judge and scold. “Forgive us, O Gillette, for we have sinned — every one!”

But spiritual problems don’t get better simply by trying harder. My friends in recovery understand this better than most. This is why 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous encourage participants to acknowledge their powerlessness to overcome addiction on their own, and to engage the help of a “higher power.” Around here, we know His name. And as we grow in our love for Him, He transforms us. Then obedience, reformation, and restoration take the place of the unhealthy compulsions that so often result in the abuse of masculine strength with all those unhappy consequences.

So, I’m keeping my beard, changing my razor, and seeking to walk closer with Jesus. I won’t look different, but over time, I want to be more like Him.

So how about you? What’s your take on the Gillette ad and the APA statement? Add your comments below.

PS Not so long ago, Gillette ran an inspirational ad depicting Seattle Seahawks rookie player Shaquem Griffin from his childhood to the NFL. The scene with his father teaching him and his brother to shave was on-brand and affirming. This shows how truly wretched the new anti-masculinity ad is. Maybe Gillette figures that the greater surface area of women’s legs will offset the loss of blade sales for men’s faces.

“Bravely take hold of the real, not dallying now with what might be. Not in the flight of ideas but only in action is freedom. Make up your mind and come out into the tempest of the living.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Dear Cam:

I want to start this letter by thanking you for the most exciting season in the 21-year history of the Carolina Panthers. You are an extraordinary young man and I appreciate the passion, excellence and fun you bring to your work as a professional quarterback. And it is inspiring to see the fit between you and the Panthers organization — I believe you bring out the best in each other, and I am looking forward to what you will accomplish in future seasons in the NFL. But nothing.

You know how he feels

Like Panther fans everywhere, I watched the Super Bowl with anticipation and interest, believing that you and the team remained within striking distance of victory until the final moments. When the game ended, I appreciated your congratulating Peyton Manning on his victory — a gracious and sportsmanlike act that reflected well on you as a man and as a competitor.

The reason for this letter has only to do with the press conference after the game.

“If you don’t get the facts, the facts will get you.”

Lots of us watched the post-game press conference, and could identify with the disappointment so evident in your expression. Who could blame you? And it’s certainly understandable that after such a frustrating defeat that you wouldn’t feel like answering reporters’ questions. So, the one-word answers and the — there simply is no better word — sullen demeanor appeared to be at the lower end of the acceptable range of post-game reactions. But when you abruptly walked out, well, you know what happened after that.

Your fans were in an uncomfortable position, having to defend what appeared indefensible. At its most basic level the reasoning was that losing is part of the game, and answering questions for reporters is part of what pros get paid to do. And it seemed everyone from retired players to armchair jocks offered their harshest judgment of you — lots of it in print and more of it on social media.Worst of all, some of the condemnation came from your own fans.

But then more facts emerged. We all learned that the league set up your press conference right next to that of a Broncos player –who in his exuberance crowed about shutting your offense down. And we learned that you chose to get up and leave rather than listening to any more of it.

So why comment at all?

To your credit, you have said that you want to use the platform given you to be a role model for young people. Living in the Charlotte area, I’ve seen how you make it a point to speak to and encourage kids on and off the field, so it’s not something you only talk about.

It’s just this: sometimes even when you know you’re right, you have to do more. Not just doing right, but avoiding the appearance of wrongdoing. Too many young people wear Cam Newton jerseys for you ever to believe they aren’t striving to be just like you.

In my opinion, you do not owe anyone an apology for being a fierce competitor, or for taking a Super Bowl loss hard — you’re human, and it’s good for kids to know that even heroes have bad days. But what these young ones need from you is to see you modeling hope and resilience. They see what to them looks like Cam Newton being a sore loser, so they conclude that’s how they should behave. You’re so far from done, but kids don’t know that. And as you’ve seen, the public makes up its mind and doesn’t play fair.

And this is where you need to summon your resolve, Cam. Nobody likes losing, though I think you like it less than most people. Don’t change how you feel about losing — change how you act on those occasions when you lose. Don’t allow yourself to get labeled as a sore loser by making the tag seem correct. Besides, it drives your critics crazy when they see they can’t get to you.

My recommendation

I suggest you have a press conference in Charlotte — where you can choose the time and place and be in comfortable surroundings — and answer all the questions, even the dumb ones. Smile. Provide some substance to the terse answers you gave on Sunday. During that press conference you could, if you choose to, speak to the example you set in that one episode and explain to your young fans how you and they can plan to do it better. Cast a vision for the future.

You are so far from having peaked, and I am excited for all you will accomplish in life — during and after your playing career. People have short attention spans and short memories, so you don’t have to do anything I’ve recommended here. Most likely, you will lose nothing. However, if you want to be a good influence — a role model — to the kids who look up to you, and have the confidence of their parents, this is what I recommend.

So how about you? How can you set a positive example for the ones who are looking to you for guidance? Add your comments below.

“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
    but he who hates reproof is stupid.” -Proverbs 12:1 (ESV)

If you’re a fan of professional football — the real as opposed to the fantasy kind — you probably saw last Saturday’s game between Pittsburgh and Cincinnati and the surprising episode that took place late in the fourth quarter. The Steelers were trailing and had turned the ball over deep in their own territory. Just when it seemed their season was over, the Bengals fumbled and the Steelers’ hopes revived.

Moses gets to see — but not enter — the Promised Land. That’s a high price to pay for a tantrum. (image courtesy of www.fromoldbooks.org)

The previously injured Ben Roethlisberger returned to lead his team on a last desperate drive, trying to get within field goal range with enough time left. On an incomplete pass, Bengals defensive standout Vontaze Burfict speared Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown head-to-head, apparently knocking Brown unconscious. It was an ugly, cringe-inducing late hit, and the referees correctly penalized the Bengals 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct. This gave Pittsburgh improved field position and an all-important fresh set of downs.

Bengals cornerback Adam Jones protested to the officials, bumping roughly into one of them, resulting in another 15 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct. The 30-yard improvement in the Steelers’ field position, made kicker Chris Boswell’s job much easier, as the Steelers kicked a field goal to go ahead for keeps with 23 seconds remaining.

Is there such a thing as an “own goal” in American football?

Professional football is a young man’s game, but two young men in particular — Mr. Jones and Mr. Burfict — cost their team a victory and the opportunity to continue in the postseason. The Bengals had the Steelers in a tight spot, and without the flagrant foul and the dead-ball confrontation with a referee, Cincinnati most likely would have won the game. But because neither man kept his head when it counted, the Bengals’ stretch without a playoff win now exceeds 25 years, and head coach Marvin Lewis may find himself without a job. What a colossal waste!

I’m pointing this out because this failure of self-control doesn’t only afflict amped-up professional athletes — it can also affect you and me.

Nothing more than feelings…

One aspect of our culture that distinguishes it from that of previous generations is the exalted role of feelings. Where our grandfathers and their grandfathers would have appealed to a transcendent moral code to determine right and wrong, it seems we place our emotions in the place of supremacy — and the result is sorry spectacles and rotten consequences such as we saw in Cincinnati. Does this mean that a man should totally shut down his heart? Not at all.

How’s that heart condition?

The condition of your heart has a lot to do with how trustworthy it is. In our unredeemed state our hearts are, as the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah said, “desperately wicked.” If, however, we have been redeemed, God replaces our rebellious, hard hearts with good and noble hearts that are yielded to His will. In this latter condition, our feelings and the longings of our heart function like the instrument panel in a high-performance car. They don’t navigate or steer, but they provide essential information about how the systems are functioning. Elsewhere in Proverbs, King Solomon instructed his readers this way:

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” – Proverbs 4:24 (ESV) This heart is not the desperately wicked heart that thinks it’s the boss. This is a good and noble heart — a redeemed heart — that God uses as His instrument.

Not For Long

Just so Bengals fans and Messrs. Burfict and Jones don’t think I’m picking on them, I want to say again that rashness isn’t just something that shows up among pro athletes or the immature. Here’s one example from 4,000 years ago:

In chapter 20 of the Old Testament book titled Numbers we read how Moses had led the Children of Israel through 40 years of desert wandering following their deliverance from slavery in Egypt. Along the way, Moses had put up with the heat, privation and grumbling of his people, but he also had dealt with challenges to his authority as well as the people’s multiple rebellions against God.

At one point when the people — again — complained that God didn’t care for them because there was no water to drink, God instructed Moses to tell the rock of that place (called Meribah) to provide water. Instead, Moses railed at the stubborn people and angrily struck the rock. God provided the needed water — miraculously, as anyone who has tried to get water from a rock could tell you. But God also told Moses, that the consequence of his rash behavior was that neither he nor his brother Aaron would get to enter the Promised Land. Victory denied.

Grace, yes, but also consequences

We know that Moses received discipline and suffered the consequences for giving vent to his anger, but this did not sever Moses’ connection to God. We know this because when Jesus stood on the Mount of Transfiguration, who should appear to meet with him, but Elijah and Moses. Still, it must have stung Moses to have served faithfully all those years only to disqualify himself so late in the process — having to settle for a view of the Promised Land instead of settling in it.

Take the lesson where you find it

We can learn from the examples of Moses, Burfict, and Jones by cultivating self-control and keeping the larger objective in mind. In a football game, you have an opponent who is trying to thwart your game plan. You’re trying to thwart his. In life, your opponents are, as the Anglican prayer book said, “the world, the flesh, and the devil.” Unfortunately they don’t always identify themselves by wearing the opposing team’s jersey. Sometimes, they meet you on the field, fair and square. Other times, they try to get away with cheating. And sometimes, they try to get you to beat yourself by reacting emotionally when you’d do better to keep cool and stick to your game plan.

Vontaze Burfict not only helped his team lose the game they should have won, he won’t be playing in the Super Bowl. He also earned a three-game suspension that will keep him sidelined early next season. At some point a man has to ask himself if that cheap shot was worth it.

Look at the condition of your own heart and keep your feelings in their proper place. You may not win, but you will not defeat yourself.

So how about you? Have you ever lost because you spoke or acted rashly? How were you able to recover? Help your brothers learn from you.

Note: In honor of the start of football season, here’s a post from the early days of this blog.

For a lot of men, fall means football.  Perhaps it’s the memory of their own playing days in Pop Warner leagues, sandlot games or the varsity squad.  Maybe it’s memories of going to games with Dad.  Or maybe it’s the vicarious thrill of watching two teams at the peak of their athleticism battle for supremacy.

Some men are fans of the high school game, uncorrupted so far by money. Others are partial to the unpaid professional college game which combines the opportunity to engage with both the sport and the university fielding the team.  Still others are obsessed with the pro game — installing satellite TV to be able to catch every game, decorating house, car and wardrobe in team logos, and even participating in fantasy leagues.  As intense as some fans are, one would think that the men with the greatest love for the game would be the ones who played it for a living.  In at least one case, it isn’t so.

Nobody loves the game as much as the guys who play it for a living, right?

Meet Curtis Martin

Curtis Martin played ten seasons in the NFL as a running back — first for the New England Patriots, then for the New York Jets.  During his career, he amassed the fourth highest career rushing yards of all time, and in 2012, Curtis Martin was inducted into the pro football Hall of Fame.

Why Are We Talking About Football?

What is remarkable about Curtis Martin was that he was never a fan of football at any level.  Growing up without a dad in the house, in a violent Pittsburgh neighborhood (he lost several loved ones to murder), his mother made him choose an extracurricular activity just to keep him away from the danger he faced just by being in the neighborhood.  So Curtis joined the football team for the first time as a high school senior.

That success led to a scholarship which in turn led to a successful college career, which led to his being drafted by the New England Patriots.

In his Hall of Fame induction speech, Martin recounted receiving the phone call from Patriots coach Bill Parcells asking if he’d like to play for the Patriots.  Although he answered yes, he said, he hung up the phone and told his family he really didn’t want to play football.

A Timely Word

That evening, Curtis’s pastor, Leroy Joseph,  was visiting the family.  When he heard Curtis say he didn’t want to play football — that he wasn’t even sure he liked football enough to make it his livelihood — Leroy Joseph took  Curtis aside for a talk.  He asked Curtis if it was possible that football was the means God was using to enable Curtis to help other people.

“That became my connection with football,” he said, “and I don’t know if he wouldn’t have said that to me if football would have gotten out of me what it got out of me.”  He said from then on he understood that his success in the sport would only come from his having a purpose greater than himself and greater than the game.  His desire to help people spurred him to excellence.

In a previous post, I encouraged you to develop passion for the tasks in front of you rather than waiting for a job that enabled you to follow your passion.  Perhaps your day job enables you to finance your passion.  If so, keep that connection clear in your mind so that you excel at both.  Curtis Martin is an example of exactly that strategy.

By the way, you don’t have to love football.  Curtis Martin didn’t — and it landed him in the Hall of Fame.

So how about you? How are you discovering your purpose?  What are you doing to remain motivated? Add your comments below.

h/t Todd Henry and his book “Die Empty” for bringing Curtis Martin’s story to my attention.

Some men are fans of the high school game, uncorrupted so far by money. Others are partial to the unpaid professional college game which combines the opportunity to engage with both the sport and the university fielding the team.  Still others are obsessed with the pro game — installing satellite TV to be able to catch every game, decorating house, car and wardrobe in team logos, and even participating in fantasy leagues.  As intense as some fans are, one would think that the men with the greatest love for the game would be the ones who played it for a living.  In at least one case, it isn’t so.

Nobody loves the game as much as the guys who play it for a living, right?

Meet Curtis Martin
Curtis Martin played ten seasons in the NFL as a running back — first for the New England Patriots, then for the New York Jets.  During his career, he amassed the fourth highest career rushing yards of all time, and in 2012, Curtis Martin was inducted into the pro football Hall of Fame.

Why Are We Talking About Football?
What is remarkable about Curtis Martin was that he was never a fan of football at any level.  Growing up without a dad in the house, in a violent Pittsburgh neighborhood (he lost several loved ones to murder), his mother made him choose an extracurricular activity just to keep him away from the danger he faced just by being in the neighborhood.  So Curtis joined the football team for the first time as a high school senior.

That success led to a scholarship which in turn led to a successful college career, which led to his being drafted by the New England Patriots.

In his Hall of Fame induction speech, Martin recounted receiving the phone call from Patriots coach Bill Parcells asking if he’d like to play for the Patriots.  Although he answered yes, he said, he hung up the phone and told his family he really didn’t want to play football.

A Timely Word
That evening, Curtis’s pastor, Leroy Joseph,  was visiting the family.  When he heard Curtis say he didn’t want to play football — that he wasn’t even sure he liked football enough to make it his livelihood — Leroy Joseph took  Curtis aside for a talk.  He asked Curtis if it was possible that football was the means God was using to enable Curtis to help other people.

“That became my connection with football,” he said, “and I don’t know if he wouldn’t have said that to me if football would have gotten out of me what it got out of me.”  He said from then on he understood that his success in the sport would only come from his having a purpose greater than himself and greater than the game.  His desire to help people spurred him to excellence.

In a previous post, I encouraged you to develop passion for the tasks in front of you rather than waiting for a job that enabled you to follow your passion.  Perhaps your day job enables you to finance your passion.  If so, keep that connection clear in your mind so that you excel at both.  Curtis Martin is an example of exactly that strategy.

By the way, you don’t have to love football.  Curtis Martin didn’t — and it landed him in the Hall of Fame.

So how about you? How are you discovering your purpose?  What are you doing to remain motivated? Add your comments below.

h/t Todd Henry and his book “Die Empty” for bringing Curtis Martin’s story to my attention.