I worked with a colleague who took particular delight in reciting the title of this post — the first part, anyway — whenever anyone began a statement with, “I hope…” To be fair to my colleague, I think he believed he was demonstrating leadership. But to his poor followers it just came across as peevish and small-minded — especially since he always did it. Without fail. More than once in a meeting if his pupils were too slow to get it the first time around.

Imagine your own real-life Michael Scott waiting to pounce with his, “That’s what she said!” and you’ll get the idea how tiresome his subordinates found it. We kept hoping he’d quit, but since we’d had it pounded into our heads for too long, I decided to put his lesson to practice.

True confessions

I do not want you to think I set an ambush for the fearless leader. I did not. But following another meeting, I ended up having a one-on-one conversation with him, and he asked about the status of some information from a third-party entity. I replied, sincerely, that I expected it to arrive that day and hoped to review it that same afternoon.

Of course he replied, “Hope is not a strategy.” “True,” I answered, “but try living without it.”

The essential nature of hope

You may have heard something like this in the past: A human being can live forty days without food, three days without water, four minutes without oxygen, but only a second without hope. While that may not be 100% accurate from a medical perspective, consider the significant role that our state of mind plays in our overall health.

A 2007 Harvard University study indicated that feelings of hopefulness and curiosity throughout one’s life correlated to lower rates of heart disease and diabetes decades later. And I think most of us have heard of or seen characters in stories that lost the will to live and withered away.

Hope — the belief that there is more than just what my circumstances tell me — is a key ingredient in resilience. You may have already noticed that life will knock you down at times. Hope and resilience will enable you to get back up and keep moving toward your objective.

Hope as a weapon

Hope is essential to human well-being. Tyrants know this, so they seek to extinguish hope in order to break the will of their subjects. The most famous example is from Dante’s Inferno, where according to the poet, the sign above the gates of Hell reads “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” So quite literally, Hell is the absence of hope.

But hope is not a strategy

Let’s clarify what we mean, when we say this. If you tell me you hope to land a great job, but when I ask you how you plan to do that, you don’t have an answer, I’d say your hope for that job is not sufficient. It isn’t a plan that will lead to actions that will lead to the desired outcome. In that sense, your hope is not a strategy.

On the other hand, if you tell me that you have updated your resume and your LinkedIn profile, you’re working your network, and seeking contacts at your desired employer, and that you feel hopeful, I would offer to help you find that job. See the difference?

Hope is only as good as its object

Gauzy hope for the sake of hope is truly useless. Preparation with hope is priceless. And placing your hope in God — who knows you, loves you, and holds you in His hands is irreplaceable.

The apostle Paul told the church at Colosse that Christ in them was, “the hope of glory,” meaning that an ultimate end of living in and following Him was a guarantee that things will turn out for their good and God’s fame. In this sense, hoping in God is a winning strategy — one worth adopting.

So how about you? In what are you placing your hope? Add your comments below.

Happy new year, everybody! It’s nice to be back. I hope you all are enjoying Christmastime (if you follow your old Christmas carols, you know there are twelve days of Christmas, so it’s still Christmas even if you have already scuffed your new kicks).

In past years, I’ve shared with you a focus word — a theme word that I hold as an intention for the new year. In 2016, for example, I had the word Desire. Last year, it was Breakthrough. This year the word that keeps coming back to me, in and out of prayer, is the word Restoration. Let me unpack what this word is saying to me and why it is my focus word for 2019.

Worldview

If you’ve been reading here awhile, you know I’m big on worldview — specifically a biblical worldview. You can read more about that here . But in the cheat code version, a world view addresses four main issues and questions. They are:

• Creation – Where did we come from?
• Fall — What is our fundamental problem?
• Redemption — What’s the cure for our problem?
• Restoration — In light of the cure, how should we live?

From the outset, the word restoration is powerful to me because if its broad scope and purposefulness in setting things right. I am concerned with personal restoration in some measurable ways, as well as with the abstract “out there”, as I hope to illustrate. Here are the areas I think of when I consider Restoration for 2019:

Health

This is primarily an intention for friends and family members who have been struggling with chronic conditions as well as the ravages of time. In 2019, I’d like to see them restored to health through better choices, doing what they can. And I pray God’s grace and healing for what they can’t do on their own.

Fitness

By now, it’s a cliche that everybody wants to get back in shape in the new year. I confess that last year, I let myself drift from maintenance mode to something below that. I feel it. i see it. I know what to do and I’m going to change it. One of my best Christmas gifts — in true “Advent Conspiracy” spirit — was several sessions with a personal trainer to kickstart my motivation. Just what I needed.

Career/Finances

Last year turned out well. In the arena of work and finances, I experienced something of the breakthrough I was hoping for. We were, at last, able to tackle some pesky debt. Restoration for me in this area will mean making better use of the money God entrusts to me, sticking to a workable budget, and seeing to some things that I should have taken care of a long time ago.

We all do the best we can with what we have, but eventually, the house has to be painted, the refrigerator or the water heater dies, you have to replace the garage door, or the car will need new tires. I’m thankful to be in a position where these events — when they come — won’t be a crisis.

Meanwhile, I’m thankful for the success I’ve enjoyed in my current role, and the contributions I’ve made to the company. At the same time I’m feeling restless in this new year. Restoration in this regard would mean a new challenge — an opportunity to make my mark and create value in a new space. It could be I’m projecting this onto my career from a different facet of my life, but I have learned not to ignore this when it comes.

Society/Politics

I have published several posts based on Roy H. Williams’ and Michael Drew’s book, Pendulum, and my reading of the news suggests the authors’ predictions are, unfortunately, true. Restoration in this sense will be to seek the welfare of the city and the area where I live.

I believe what Jesus said about our being salt and light in this world. If you’ve been reading these posts over the years, you’ll have noticed that I tend not to discuss partisan politics much (policy, yes). That’s intentional. I have very strong opinions, and I even like to argue, but I think the times are such that we need to emphasize what we hold in common, rather than picking at the scab of where we differ.

I want to see alienated friends and family members restored to each other, and I am going to continue to stay out of the social media mud. If we can avoid the kind of trouble keyboard warriors like to conjure up, good. If, on the other hand, things get as bad as the book predicts, I want to prepare myself and my household to come out on the other side intact and to be part of the — you guessed it — restoration.

Manners and morals

The famous British abolitionist William Wilberforce set about to end the cruel and immoral slave trade, but also to work for, as he put it, “the reformation of morals.” Restoration in our day will take the form of engaging in public questions with an eye toward solving problems. For my part, I intend to do this with the best thinking I can muster and in as kind a manner as I can. I intend never to be a doormat, but I don’t want to treat people of goodwill like one, either.

Those who want to pick a fight or wish us harm will be in our prayers. After that, we’ll deal appropriately.

Wanting to be part of the solution

When we look back at that worldview section, it’s hard to miss that God’s purpose in sending Jesus to be our redeemer was ultimately to restore and renew not just his favorites, but the entire cosmos. It is dented, dinged-up, and rusty, but God says He plans to renew it all. Trust me — you want to be part of it.

So like Wilberforce, let’s use the resources, the strengths, the gifts, and the contacts we have to make this battered world a much better place.

How will we know when we get there?

Quite simply, we won’t. But just because we can’t in our own strength construct a Heaven on earth that is not a reason we should not strive to make this earth as much like Heaven as it can possibly be. Think about what this would look like in terms of justice, education, opportunity, and economic and social mobility.

I assure you, I didn’t get hit in the head and become a Utopian Socialist. I am still a believer in capitalism as the greatest engine of prosperity for the greatest number of people — but we can do better. Part of this resides in the object of our service. If we love and serve God and love our neighbor — seeking the best for him — we aren’t going to pile up wealth so we can hoard it. Instead, we will seek to put it to work to accomplish the work of restoration. Where we have been successful, we will create opportunities for others to succeed. We will connect people with needs to the people who have the means to address those needs. And we will live in community as beggars who found bread and are busy telling other beggars where they can find it, too.

I look forward to what this year will bring — especially since I see the amount of work it will take.

So how about you? What is your word for 2019? What does it mean to you? (If you don’t have one yet, it’s not too late.)

The title of today’s post is a quotation attributed to American president Theodore Roosevelt.  The truth of this statement is so blinding, I am partly tempted to let it stand on its own.  If I did that, though, you might think I was being lazy.  So here goes.

Equal time for comparison

I am a believer in competition.  A good-natured rivalry can motivate you to elevate your performance in nearly any arena, and can help you stave off complacency.  This is why fitness trainers and management consultants alike recommend keeping records and charting your progress toward your goals.  Engaging a friend or two to pursue the same goal builds in even more accountability, and makes it more difficult to punt your workout.  All of this is beneficial, as it brings out the best in each of us.

The dark side

Where this goes sideways is when we begin looking at what people around us have while disparaging our own resources or circumstances.  We don’t feel that we are getting the reward we deserve while others — seen by us as less worthy — are getting far more than they deserve.  Sound familiar?

Why do we compare?

I think this unhealthy wish to measure ourselves against others is first a byproduct of living in a fallen world.  We are all fallible and deep down we know it.  We long for justice in the face of wrongdoing — just as long as we can escape our due punishment.  At the same time, we fear being exposed, so we seek to lessen the sting by identifying all those over whom we can claim superiority.

For most of us, this isn’t conscious behavior. If it were, I think it would be less common. Instead it exists from preschool play yards to corporate boardrooms. It seems to be latent animal behavior, akin to the pecking order among chickens, or establishing of dominance in a dog pack.  If you’re tempted to think that because we see this in the animal kingdom, that it’s a feature of our world, and not a bug, note that this observation doesn’t negate the fallenness of our world.  Besides, dogs drink from the toilet.

Even so, little boys compare to see whose is biggest, migrating to boasts about whose dad could beat whose, eventually escalating to the acquisition of temporary status symbols — car, career, condo, concubine — lather, rinse, repeat.  Social media just amplifies the effect. As Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Fight Club, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

It seems to me that a man who has his question answered, who has his purpose figured out and is about his mission is less susceptible to seeking comfort by comparing himself to others.

It’s nobody’s business 

When I was thirteen, I wanted to buy a road bike.  Braswell’s Cycle Shop had a chestnut metallic Schwinn Varsity ten-speed.  It was beautiful, and cost far more than I had.  My grandfather owned an industrial supply company in our town, so I went to see him.  When I told him I wanted to buy a bicycle but I didn’t have the money, he asked me if I’d be willing to work for the company.

I agreed on the spot. Next, I went down the street to get a Social Security number and a work permit and showed up the next morning at 8:00. As an inventory clerk it was my job to count roller chain, sprockets, roofing sealant, and drill bits that were so fine I wonder if I could even see them now. This was my introduction to the 40-hour work week.

When payday came, my grandfather took me aside and, as he handed my check to me, he told me that what he paid me was between him and me — it was nobody else’s business. Likewise what he paid others in the company was between him and them — and that was none of my business. A few people asked what I was making, and I never told them.  And I have followed my grandfather’s advice ever since.

I enjoyed riding that bike — and wearing the clothes I was able to buy with money I had earned — and was untroubled by what others were getting.  I had my job and I had agreed to the rate of pay when I hired on.  So that was that.

But why is comparison a thief?

The simplest answer is that when you’re focused on something other than what is yours, you fail to appreciate it.  It’s like dancing with a pretty girl while looking over her shoulder for someone prettier.  I’ve seen men blow up their families because they failed to appreciate the treasure that was theirs.  This is that old “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” Most of these men simply exchanged one set of problems for another set — most often at a higher cost.

Ultimately comparison robs us of contentment when we feel powerless to change our situation.  This is a close cousin to worry and its ugly sister, despair.  These are all forms of pride — the master sin.  Pride alleges that we know better than God what we need, rather than trusting Him for what we need in its time.  So how do we fix this?

Be thankful for what you got

Gratitude is the best place to begin.  Start by giving thanks for the most basic of your blessings and expand from there like ripples in a pond.  Thank God for your life, your health, your home, your relationships — even if they are far from ideal.  Don’t just halfheartedly lob your thanks in God’s general direction — make time to consciously sit in His presence and offer what the Bible calls a “sacrifice of praise.”  If it costs you nothing, it isn’t a sacrifice.

Choose hope

Recognize that with God’s help, all things are possible.  Hang your hat on that and don’t let your circumstances tell you otherwise.  Persevere and look to God to work the current suck into a great story of redemption.

Eyes on your own work

Marketers make their living exploiting the ones who’ve fallen into what Dr. David Chadwick calls “the snare to compare.” Unless you’re in the market for a new car and you have the money to buy one, you’re better off avoiding the ads and the lots.  Similarly, if you’re married, you’re far better off investing your attention to your wife than to other women — real or imagined.

As Romans 14:4 says, “A man stands or falls before his own master.” That’s the only measurement that counts.

So how about you? In what ways has comparison robbed you of joy? Add your comments below.

While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

About the painting:  This is “Saint Joseph and the Infant Christ” painted by Baciccio — also known as Giovanni Battista Gaulli.  I love this portrayal of Joseph — his expression conveys such love, wonder and reverence.  What genuine nobility!  What a man!  

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.

Mrs. Booth and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. I am profoundly thankful for the years we have had together, and I look forward to the years ahead. The institution of marriage has suffered multiple body blows over the past several decades — and the situation is so bad I hear some of you saying you never plan to marry. You may be called to lifelong singleness, but I doubt it. So whether or not you’re able to see yourself married in the future, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 30-plus years.

Marriage is hard work…

Dating and courtship are generally good things if one remembers that he is seeking a wife. As good as these methods may be, they provide incomplete data. Nothing prepares a couple for the reality of married life. It’s different when you’ve taken vows before God and witnesses to become one for the rest of your life. Critics scoff that it’s “just a piece of paper.” They are wrong. The weight of marriage strips away the prerogatives of consumerism — you can’t legitimately trade in a wife like a used car. And the work of marriage is to work beyond the infatuation of the early years into knowing and being known through every circumstance.

…But it’s worth it

I’d fail you if I lied and said every day was like a cotton-candy scented rainbow. But the challenges my wife and I have overcome together and the high points we’ve also shared have united us in ways I can’t adequately describe. Even when money is short or work is stressing me out, having an intimate ally is a great blessing. And if you have children, having a solid marriage provides them with significant advantages in terms of their spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. All this to say, you can choose this and work toward it, and it will pay off for generations.

Marriage teaches you

Futurist George Gilder said marriage’s function was to civilize men. I don’t agree completely. I have learned over the years that marriage is, as my pastor says, the graduate school of service. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, there is a great pot of selfishness that has to die. Interestingly, that selfishness can’t die until it gets exposed. That happens in episodes over time.

If you had asked me on my wedding day if I thought I was selfish, I would have said no. I know better now, but I am still learning.

You will be tested

The old-school wedding vows exist for a reason. Our ancestors understood that our mortal condition was going to need some help. This is because hard times will come — maybe more than once. While you’re young and attraction is strong, it’s useful to have a reminder that you promised to hold on through tough times.

In our case, the first trial showed up just before our first anniversary in the form of a serious health diagnosis. It was not my finest hour as a husband. We worked through it largely because we are the sort not to enter into vows lightly. Thanks be to God!

And you will be tested

In a couple of previous posts, I have written about the husband’s role as spiritual head — as the leader — of his family. Going all the way back to the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we see that one consequence of our fallen condition is that wives will tend toward dominating their husbands. Men who go along with this tendency rather than lovingly leading their wives can expect to see a loss in respect and attraction on the part of their wives. Understand that the tests a wife throws your way are her way of making sure she has chosen — and still has — the best of men. Leading helps her remember.

There is no magic number

A former colleague brought me to this realization when he explained that he and his wife got divorced after 20 years. “How?” I wondered,”Why?” I couldn’t understand how after all that time they could decide they could no longer stand being married to each other. He said they simply grew apart.

I still find that answer unsatisfying, but it galvanized my view that there is no point in your marriage when you can begin to coast or take your wife for granted. As the man, strive always to be your best. This means getting and staying fit, dressing well for your body type, and maintaining your intellectual and spiritual health as well. Continue to grow and you’ll remain interesting. This will help to maintain her attraction to you. And this will motivate her toward all kinds of good things.

It also means you Have a Plan and a mission, and that you invite your wife to join you in your quest. A quiet evening at home can be great for your marriage. Don’t just come home and flop on the couch by default. Have adventures together. Continue to initiate and to pursue her — in and out of the bedroom.

People say passion fades. I disagree.

Your mileage may vary

I have been married to one — and only one — woman, so understand that what my wife likes may or may not be the same as what your wife likes. Getting to know his own wife is a man’s greatest joy. It takes time, but that’s a good thing because you stay married a day at a time — and you’re aiming for a lifetime.

Likewise, measure what I or any man offers in the way of marriage advice against God’s word and use your God-given sense. I am aware that there are pitfalls in and around marriage — and I have been far from perfect as a husband. Still, I cannot imagine my life any other way, and I thank God again for blessing me with such a wife.

So how about you? How do you plan to build a strong and durable marriage? What lessons have you learned? Add your comments below.

In honor of Veterans Day, a heartfelt word of thanks to all of you who have served or are serving in America’s armed forces.  Thank you for your willingness to train, to suffer hardship, to experience separation from your loved ones, and to put your life at risk for your countrymen.

My late father-in-law was a veteran of World War II,  He was one of four brothers, all of whom were drafted away from their family farm in rural Tennessee.

After completing his training, he became a Technical Sergeant in the Army Air Corps — the precursor to the US Air Force.   His responsibilities included making in-flight repairs and serving as a waist gunner aboard a B-24 Liberator bomber in the European theater, as part of the Mighty Eighth Air Force.

Like many men of his generation, he rarely talked about his experiences during the war, downplaying the danger and his role.  “It was late in the war by the time I got over there,” he always said.   Once when my grandmother asked if he had ever been to Germany, he gave a slight smile and said, “No, but I’ve been over it.”

Following the war, he returned to the farm for a while before enrolling in Tennessee Tech on the GI Bill.  Following his graduation from college, he earned a doctorate in agronomy and genetics from the University of Wisconsin.

With his PhD, he took a position as a research agronomist with the US Department of Agriculture and was assigned to a research station at a large state university.  He worked there the rest of his career, developing numerous soybean cultivars that fed millions and teaching graduate students from around the world.

As distinguished as his career was, he was also a devoted husband and father, raising my wife and her siblings in a godly household.

Over the past dozen years or so, we have seen popular sentiment regarding military service return to an appropriate level of respect and gratitude.  This is as it should be.

At the same time, I hear and read some people saying that the US is no longer worthy of such devotion or service.  I am not here to argue for or against — especially not with those who have served.  On this occasion, however, I want to commend those who, like my father-in-law, saw their duty, did it and came home to build an exemplary life.  This is still a county that produces such men.  That is worth preserving.

So how about you?   What lessons did you learn from your own military service, or that of your friends or family members?  How are you using that wisdom to be your best?  Add your comments below.

“The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their grey hair.” – Proverbs 20:29

I said I wanted a photo portraying mentors!

In his book, “To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father,” Don Miller compares the transfer of wisdom from older to younger men to the method pilots used to advise one another when flying across the Pacific Ocean.  Since there are great expanses of ocean with no land on which to build radar installations, pilots further along the route advised the pilots following them regarding weather and flying conditions.  This communication from their more senior colleagues was essential.

Mentoring is the relational equivalent of getting the radio call from a pilot further across the ocean than you are.

Why you need a mentor

Historically, fathers filled this primary role with support from grandfathers, uncles, godfathers, coaches, scoutmasters, Sunday school teachers — a whole network of resources that could help a young man find his way.  A lot of practical knowledge passed from older men to younger men regarding work, women, faith and friendship, and the number of men engaged in the process helped to curb the excesses of any one individual.

As you’ve no doubt seen, our atomized culture and unfavorable marriage trends have made these relationships harder to come by.  However, a mentor can help you overcome this lack by sharing the wisdom accumulated over a longer span of time than your life to date.

What About Dad?

Even if you have a great dad, you need a mentor. Your father’s guidance is valuable, but we tend to discount it – kind of like when your mom tells you you’re handsome. She’s supposed to think so, so it doesn’t mean as much.  Your mentor will make observations a family member won’t, but will also confirm the best of your upbringing.

How to get a mentor

This is not a combat mission or a one-time event.  Mentoring at its heart is relational, so you should seek to develop a friendship over time.  Even so, the most straightforward approach is best: ask.  Don’t hint around — be direct and ask for the help you need.

As a suggestion, find a healthy, doctrinally sound church that has a good balance of men and women attending, and I’ll bet there are men there who have been mentored and who would be willing to mentor you.    Note: Some churches have even organized mentoring programs to match young men with solid mentors.

What you should expect

Here are the top attributes you should look for in a prospective mentor:

• Commitment — You need a mentor who genuinely wants to help you become the best version of yourself.
• Boundaries — He’s not signing on to be a surrogate dad, and he needs to be a wise steward of his time — and yours. Pro tip: Meet in public at a coffee shop or restaurant and limit your meetings to about an hour.
• Discretion — Over time, your mentor should know you well enough and have sufficient judgment to ask tough questions and to call you on your B.S.  Those discussions should stay between you, though.
• Candor — about his own failures and lessons learned, but also about how he sees your situation.  You need someone in your life who will tell you the truth — and stick by you — when you’re behaving like a jackass.
• Prudence — Your mentor should exhibit wisdom in his behavior and demeanor, acting and speaking appropriately.  Note this, since a byproduct of mentoring is that over time you will become more like your mentor.

What your mentor should expect from you
Here’s what a good mentor is looking for from you:

• Punctuality — Show up on time.  The man is giving you a treasure.  Value it by showing appropriate respect for his time.
• Great questions — Most mentoring occurs as a dialog.  You may discuss a book you’re both reading, but come in with well-thought-out questions.
• A listening ear — If you want wisdom, you must listen carefully.  You may disagree, but don’t interrupt or argue.
• Honesty — A mentor who gets anything other than the truth from you is wasting his time.  Be completely truthful.
• Humility — You have much to learn, but now you have a guide.  Be thankful.

Just so you know, this is not an abstraction for me — I meet and check in with my mentor regularly.

So how about you?  Do you have a mentor?  What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a mentor or as a mentor?  Add your comments below.

“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.
– Proverbs 22: 29 (ESV)

When I was a graduate student, the Institute had a series of guest lectures intended to enhance and broaden our thinking.  Attendance was mandatory.

I can’t recall all the topics, but they ranged from Creativity to Ethics to building a successful career.  It’s this last that I want to share with you.

This one goes up to 12! Crank up your career by learning from the ones who went before you.

Dr. Louis T. Rader held a doctorate in electrical engineering and was retired from General Electric.  Following his retirement from GE, he taught in the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business.

His dress was conservative and his manner of speech was direct, and he had what military veterans would call command presence.  His no-nonsense demeanor and delivery, however, belied the wit that made his words to us that day so memorable.

He spoke to us for some time about his own experiences as a young manager and then he shared some principles for career success he called “Rader’s Rules.”  Here, to the best of my memory, is what he offered us:

1.  Never run out of money — it’s a quick way to lose confidence.

2.  There can be no compromise between a poor player and a great organization.

3.  Good calculus won’t cover poor math.

4. If you play games with people, people will play games with you.

5. The sum of all expenses must be less than the sum of all revenues.

6.  The man who goes to bed early to save the cost of a candle will wake up the father of twins.

7.  It’s hard to lead a large organization from a subordinate position.

8. As long as you remain in neutral, you can only go where you’re pushed.

9. You can’t sell the second if you can’t sell the first.

10. When the quarterback says go around left end, you go around left end.

11. Anybody off the street can run a business at a loss.

12. Statistics are for losers.

13. If you don’t get the facts, the facts will get you.

This is an incomplete listing, but I offer this as food for thought for you.  If you are in the early years of your career, or are seeking to begin it, there is great wisdom in these eight phrases.  So much wisdom, in fact, I continue to apply these axioms as I continue to navigate my career decades in.

Please note the theme of integrity that runs through these sayings.  Each of us owes it to himself and to his employer to view himself, the company where he works and his circumstances clearly.  As famed stage magician Teller says, “The biggest lie is the one you tell yourself.”

Note also the emphasis on getting the fundamentals down.  Your talent may get you into a meeting, but a weak handshake or a lack of eye contact may sink your chances.  Or to use another example, you may have gotten the order, but is it profitable?

My personal favorite is rule number 6.  Taking shortcuts or falling for the false economy invariably creates unintended consequences that cost more in the long run.

I hope these will stick with you the way they have with me.

So how about you?  What’s the best career advice you’ve received?  Add your comments below.

Note: A hat tip to Walter Curt, a former associate of Dr. Rader’s for providing some more of Rader’s Rules.

“Marriage is the graduate school of service.” – Pastor David Chadwick

I’ve made no secret of my belief in marriage. Mrs. Booth and I have been married for nearly 32 years, with the struggles and joys that come with being married that long. It has been and is a great thing and I love being married to my wife.

And I admit that the climate for marriage in the west is hostile in many ways. From taxes that penalize marriage economically, to family courts that incentivize women to file for divorce from their husbands, to cultural Marxist feminism that seeks to destroy “the patriarchy” by destroying men, there is plenty of evidence to support a man’s decision not to marry. But let’s revisit one of my favorite axioms:

Abuse doesn’t invalidate use.

Marriage is to be kept pure…

The occasions when men commit murder with hammers doesn’t justify banning hammers or outlawing carpentry. The widespread misuse of the institution of marriage — from cohabitation and out-of-wedlock births, through frivolous no-fault divorce — doesn’t mean that marriage has forfeited its divine purpose.

Back to the beginning

If we look to the creation narrative in the second chapter of the Old Testament book of Genesis, we see that God had created the universe, placing man, whom he had made in his own image, at the top of the created order. God pronounced it good. But when he saw that he had made suitable mates for all the other creatures except man, God said, “it is not good that man should be alone.”

After evaluating every other type of creature and not finding a mate, a companion, a wife for the man, Adam, God did something remarkable. He put Adam to sleep and took flesh and bone from his side, making from them a woman, whom Adam called Eve. Note that up to this point, Adam was the bearer of the full imago dei — the image of God. In this, Adam reflected masculinity and femininity as God does. But when God created Eve to be Adam’s helper, his (in Hebrew) ezer kenegdo — literally his “life saver” — God split into two parts the imago dei, investing maleness and masculine strength in the man and investing femaleness and feminine beauty and tenderness in the woman. This is important, because Genesis 2:24-25 says this:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

This one-flesh union, this intimate knowing, free of guilt and shame is the heart of marriage.

Breaking it down

Note the lack of self-consciousness and self-regard in this first marriage. Their nakedness and vulnerability was not something to exploit for advantage, rather it was open and generous. It cannot have been otherwise, as the one-flesh union would not have existed if Adam had not given himself to Eve, and Eve had not given herself to her husband.

Now it’s broken down

Have you noticed in our culture’s stories how marital sex is nearly always portrayed as a chore to be avoided, while affairs and other forms of sexual behavior appear exciting?  If I say the word monogamy, do you regard the concept as a positive or a negative one? Why? If you’re married, did your friends try to talk you out of it, citing the endless novelty of hookups compared to loving one woman for life? Part of this inversion is the distortion of our world through sin. So a loyal wife seems boring to her husband, compared to the women at his office, and an aloof cad is seemingly irresistible compared to a wife’s dependable husband.  This is why King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 9:16, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But note this: Just because a forbidden thing is appealing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t avoid it. (See also poison mushrooms.)

Reacquiring the trail

If you dread the idea of marriage, in the present or the future, I want to encourage you to re-establish a biblical view of marriage. First, note that biblical marriage is a covenant rather than a contract. This is not a legal instrument between two consenting parties that can be broken at will. Among God’s people, a covenant is a binding, irrevocable joining between God and his people. There are obligations, but failure to perform doesn’t justify an exit.

It is true that you have the duty of spiritual headship, and the responsibility to shepherd, protect, and provide for your wife and children, and those obligations demand lifelong faithfulness. It is also true that you can expect to enjoy the marriage bed — sex — with your wife and the two of you have a responsibility to maintain this aspect of your marriage — especially when kiddos enter the picture. Check out Proverbs 5:15-19 for just one biblical encouragement in this area.

The ratio

Before Mrs. Booth and I married, an older friend took me aside and said, “I know you think marriage is a 50/50 proposition. It isn’t. It’s 100/100. It takes both of you giving it 100% for it to work.” I have learned that friend was 100% correct. And this brings us to service.

A generous spirit requires bravery

An unpleasant aspect of our times is the wariness that leads to near-constant score-keeping. We are willing to give, as long as we get, but heaven help the one who takes and never gives. Does that sound familiar? In marriage, we have to overcome the fear and serve each other generously. Even if you’re afraid you won’t get anything out of it, serve.

In Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, the apostle instructed wives to submit to their husbands, but he instructed husbands to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, he died for her. Obviously, marriage is one of those things where you must be present to win, so what does this sacrificial service look like in the realm of mortals?

Here’s an example

In the fewest words, it means put others first. If you do this, God notices. And He is able to reward you. But I promised you an example.

If you haven’t seen the video for Andra Day’s song Rise Up, it’s a great portrayal of loving service in the context of marriage. Please watch this now. I’ll wait

This video, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, conveys so much truth, and Andra Day’s vocal performance drives it home. Note the wife pouring out her life for the husband who can no longer hold her. Though her reward would seem slight compared to what she — and he — expected when they first married, this is a shining example of loving and giving 100%.

And notice, also, how the husband doesn’t quit, either. He gives the strength he has, and she appreciates it. Good art with a true message!

Not just true in stories

You may argue that Shyamalan could tell the story any way he wants, and that the video is a made-up story. Fair enough, but I have a pastor friend whose wife has Multiple Sclerosis and he serves his wife in the same manner. He cares for her and loves her like Christ loves the church — the way he promised to when they wed. And he’s not the only man I know who has cared for his wife this way. I have written before about old-school wedding vows, and this is where they prove their worth.

I know there is great risk in getting married these days. The statistics, as we’ve noted, are grim. But it is also possible to find godly, virtuous women who want to be married to godly and masculine spiritual leaders. So for God’s sake (literally), lead, love, and serve. Your children need the stability that only a covenant marriage can provide them.

God would not have commanded this of husbands if men weren’t capable of doing it. If you aren’t that sort of man yet, stick around and learn how to be one. Or message me and let’s start a discussion.

It is not good for the man to be alone, but it also important to marry the kind of woman who will stick by you — and by whom you’ll stick — when the storms come. It can be done!

So how about you? How are you leading and serving in your marriage, or preparing to lead and serve in your marriage? Add your comments below.

“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.”
– Proverbs 22:29 (ESV)

I’ve been a musician since my early teens — ever since I spent an entire summer harvesting tobacco –by hand! — to buy my first bass guitar and my first amp.  And while I was proud of myself for earning the money and owning the equipment, I was immediately confronted with the task of learning to play.  (Note: It is possible to own musical gear and not be able to play it.  These people are called collectors.)

One of the tools of the trade. But it’s only an object unless you learn to use it.

Although I started with lessons, I was prideful and thought all that music theory was boring, so I quit wasting Mom’s money and learned to play by ear.  That worked reasonably well until my mid 20’s, when I became aware that there were entire genres I could not play because I didn’t understand the rules.  Slowly, I began to come around to the belief that learning music theory would make me a better musician.

Not long after I began this process, PBS ran a series hosted by jazz great Wynton Marsalis.  Although I was not a huge fan of jazz at the time, I appreciated the way Marsalis explained music from a musician’s point of view.  My favorite episode was titled “Taming the Monster” and it was about the why and how of practice.  Wynton Marsalis laid out his rules for getting the most from time spent practicing.  He called them “Wynton’s Ways to Practice.”  What appears below is a transcription of my handwritten notes.*   I have found these useful not only for ordering my time in the woodshed, but also for living with greater effectiveness.

WYNTON’S WAYS TO PRACTICE

1. Seek out private instruction – the best you can afford.

2. Write out a practice schedule.  Cover all the fundamentals of your instrument.

3. Set realistic goals to chart your development.

4. Concentrate when practicing.

5. Relax.  Practice slowly.

6. Practice longer on things you can’t play – (the hard parts).

7. Play everything as if it’s important/difficult/interesting/serious – always play with maximum expression.

8. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake.

9. Don’t show off.

10. Think for yourself.

11. Be optimistic.

12. Look for connections between your music and other things.

Whether or not you’re a musician, this is excellent advice.  Try to apply Wyntons’ Ways to Practice to your hobbies, your work, your fitness regimen and your spiritual life and let me know how it works for you.

So how about you?  In what area of your life can you use these techniques?  Add your comments below.

*Clearly, the credit belongs to Wynton Marsalis, even though my notes may contain direct quotations and paraphrased sections.