A very merry Christmas to all of you — and thanks for your reading and commenting this year. A conversation falls apart if only one side is there, so I want to make sure you know I appreciate your lending me your attention.

Christmastime is here with all of its longing and all the ache of unfulfilled hope. It can be a time of unparalleled joy — a real rip — but for many people I know, the season is a mix of high and low. This is something of a choice, and I want to challenge you and me to focus on the tremendous upside that is Christmas.

I am not talking about a new guitar (ahem), outdoor gear, or any present under the tree. Instead, I challenge us to look beyond the reactive trappings to see the reality that set all of them in motion. Here’s my message to you:

Once upon a time there was no need of Christmas

When the world was very young, our first parents were innocent and free. They had responsibility for the entire world — to rule over it, to enjoy it, and to fill it — under the authority of God. Even better, they had face-to-face fellowship with their loving creator.

God told them they could have food from any tree in the paradise that was their home except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God explained that to eat of this tree would bring death. If you’re familiar with the Old Testament book of Genesis, you know that Adam and Eve did, in fact, eat that forbidden fruit — inviting and deserving the consequences. And such consequences! Lying, cheating, blame-shifting, stealing, killing, and dying, along with every sort of sickness and pain came when humanity fell. My sources say that the expression, “This sucks,” originated soewhere around that time.

But God, even though He would have been right to do it, didn’t give up on His image-bearers. Instead, He set in motion a plan of redemption that unfolded over hundreds of years. He chose a people for Himself and saw them through slavery and deliverance, faithfulness and rebellion. He sent sages, judges, and prophets — along with His divine law — to outline and to underscore man’s futility and inability to save himself and to point him back to God.

And at the point it seemed all was lost, God made good on His word. He fulfilled the long-awaited word of the prophets by invading time and space as a helpless baby — the fullness of deity in human form — ultimately to ransom fallen men and women from their bondage to sin. If you haven’t read it lately, here’s the Biblical account according to Luke that establishes the time and place of the pivotal moment of history, the night Jesus Christ the Messiah was born.

The Birth of Jesus
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while^[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.
⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Luke 2:1-20 (NIV)

The point of it all

So you see — our chaos, our brokenness is why Christmas exists. Let’s let it go to our heads — not because we’re good or we deserve it, but because at our worst God loves us so much that He gave His son Jesus.

In my short life, I have seen the world deliver the message repeatedly that we’re on our own. It isn’t true. Christmas proves it. It can be hard to see underneath the advertising and the desire to strip the season of its spiritual significance, but the substance of it is there if you have eyes to see it.

What if it’s all make-believe after all?

I assure you it isn’t, but consider the following. In C.S. Lewis’s The Silver Chair, Puddleglum the Marshwiggle is fighting off the enchantment of the green witch who has enslaved the prince and taken him and his young charges captive. As he extinguishes the witch’s magic fire with his foot, he delivers the following:

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said. But there’s one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.”

So let us live like Christmas people and celebrate the God who came to demonstrate His love for us by laying down His life for you and me. Merry Christmas!

So how about you? How do you intend to celebrate this Christmas? Add your comments below.

If the crass commercialization of the season has tempted you to hate Christmas like a certain Dr. Seuss character, I’d like to share with you a practice that has helped my family and me get back to the heart of Christmas.

I first heard Pastor Rick McKinley several years ago on a podcast, talking about an initiative he had started at the church he leads — Imago Dei Community in Portland, Oregon.  He called it “The Advent Conspiracy,” and it was designed to be an antidote to the consumerism that had overtaken the original message of Christmas.

Stated simply, The Advent Conspiracy consists of four ideas:

1. Worship fully
2. Spend less
3. Give more
4. Love all

Worship Fully

The true meaning of Christmas — the inescapable origin of the season — is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Where we’ve gone wrong is that we’ve allowed ourselves to become dull, relegating Jesus to the category of ancient history.

But what if we were to think about the significance of Jesus more deeply?  Consider that God made a perfect world and set humanity at the top of  the created order.  Not long after this, humanity rebelled and rejected God’s authority, bringing about God’s righteous judgment.  Sickness, death and every kind of heartache resulted from this betrayal on our part.

God could have scrapped the whole project, but since his very nature is love, He chose a people for Himself and made them a great nation.  He gave them His law to indicate they were His people, and he sent them prophets, leaders and teachers to communicate His will to them.  And when the time was right, this loving God took on human flesh — leaving the splendor of Heaven — and chose to be born into the world he created as a helpless baby.  The coming near of God and the establishment of His kingdom on earth — the hope for all humanity — is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This is why we worship for all we’re worth.

Spend Less

From the time our sons were babies, we’ve always had a budget for Christmas and stuck to it. Even so, since we’ve adopted the Advent Conspiracy, we’ve sought to spend less for gifts while increasing the value of each one.  Part of this is to designate ten percent of our Christmas budget to benevolence — that is, making it a point to do a kindness to those who have less.  Another part is to manage our expectations and intentionally limit the size of our Christmas budget.

Give more

It seems like an oxymoron to spend less and give more, but there is a way.  McKinley calls it giving presence, rather than presents.  With this idea, our gifts to family members and each other are more thoughtful and involve an experience more than an object.  For example, a few Christmases ago, my younger son gave me a deep-winter backpacking weekend.  What a splendid gift!  We shared a weekend of father-son time and made great memories.

The gift of presence is, more than anything, taking the time to give a gift that says, “I get you.  I know you.”  In this case, it really is the thought that counts.

Love All

In the same way God showed His love for the whole world in sending His son,  we look for ways to make Christmas — and life —  better for others.  Our church helps sponsor a Christmas Village Toy Store that sells new, donated toys at a steep discount to disadvantaged families so they can have the dignity of giving gifts to their own children.  The church also takes up a special Christmas Eve offering to help spread the Good News of Jesus around the world.  If you’re not affiliated with a church, you can contribute to the Salvation Army, or send Christmas cheer to kids via Operation Christmas Child.

The subtitle of the book The Advent Conspiracy is “Can Christmas Still Change The World?” I believe it can — and it starts with you and me.  A joyous Advent to you.

So how about you?  In what ways are you recovering the joy and meaning of Christmas? Add your comments below.

Note: I have taken a sabbatical from writing new posts to enable me to focus on family and work matters, but I am committed to keep this site up and running. Meanwhile, I read and respond to all comments and correspondence. I’ll resume regular publishing of new content in January.

Mrs. Booth and I celebrated our wedding anniversary this week. I am profoundly thankful for the years we have had together, and I look forward to the years ahead. The institution of marriage has suffered multiple body blows over the past several decades — and the situation is so bad I hear some of you saying you never plan to marry. You may be called to lifelong singleness, but I doubt it. So whether or not you’re able to see yourself married in the future, here are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the past 30-plus years.

Marriage is hard work…

Dating and courtship are generally good things if one remembers that he is seeking a wife. As good as these methods may be, they provide incomplete data. Nothing prepares a couple for the reality of married life. It’s different when you’ve taken vows before God and witnesses to become one for the rest of your life. Critics scoff that it’s “just a piece of paper.” They are wrong. The weight of marriage strips away the prerogatives of consumerism — you can’t legitimately trade in a wife like a used car. And the work of marriage is to work beyond the infatuation of the early years into knowing and being known through every circumstance.

…But it’s worth it

I’d fail you if I lied and said every day was like a cotton-candy scented rainbow. But the challenges my wife and I have overcome together and the high points we’ve also shared have united us in ways I can’t adequately describe. Even when money is short or work is stressing me out, having an intimate ally is a great blessing. And if you have children, having a solid marriage provides them with significant advantages in terms of their spiritual, emotional and intellectual health. All this to say, you can choose this and work toward it, and it will pay off for generations.

Marriage teaches you

Futurist George Gilder said marriage’s function was to civilize men. I don’t agree completely. I have learned over the years that marriage is, as my pastor says, the graduate school of service. If a man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, there is a great pot of selfishness that has to die. Interestingly, that selfishness can’t die until it gets exposed. That happens in episodes over time.

If you had asked me on my wedding day if I thought I was selfish, I would have said no. I know better now, but I am still learning.

You will be tested

The old-school wedding vows exist for a reason. Our ancestors understood that our mortal condition was going to need some help. This is because hard times will come — maybe more than once. While you’re young and attraction is strong, it’s useful to have a reminder that you promised to hold on through tough times.

In our case, the first trial showed up just before our first anniversary in the form of a serious health diagnosis. It was not my finest hour as a husband. We worked through it largely because we are the sort not to enter into vows lightly. Thanks be to God!

And you will be tested

In a couple of previous posts, I have written about the husband’s role as spiritual head — as the leader — of his family. Going all the way back to the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, we see that one consequence of our fallen condition is that wives will tend toward dominating their husbands. Men who go along with this tendency rather than lovingly leading their wives can expect to see a loss in respect and attraction on the part of their wives. Understand that the tests a wife throws your way are her way of making sure she has chosen — and still has — the best of men. Leading helps her remember.

There is no magic number

A former colleague brought me to this realization when he explained that he and his wife got divorced after 20 years. “How?” I wondered,”Why?” I couldn’t understand how after all that time they could decide they could no longer stand being married to each other. He said they simply grew apart.

I still find that answer unsatisfying, but it galvanized my view that there is no point in your marriage when you can begin to coast or take your wife for granted. As the man, strive always to be your best. This means getting and staying fit, dressing well for your body type, and maintaining your intellectual and spiritual health as well. Continue to grow and you’ll remain interesting. This will help to maintain her attraction to you. And this will motivate her toward all kinds of good things.

It also means you Have a Plan and a mission, and that you invite your wife to join you in your quest. A quiet evening at home can be great for your marriage. Don’t just come home and flop on the couch by default. Have adventures together. Continue to initiate and to pursue her — in and out of the bedroom.

People say passion fades. I disagree.

Your mileage may vary

I have been married to one — and only one — woman, so understand that what my wife likes may or may not be the same as what your wife likes. Getting to know his own wife is a man’s greatest joy. It takes time, but that’s a good thing because you stay married a day at a time — and you’re aiming for a lifetime.

Likewise, measure what I or any man offers in the way of marriage advice against God’s word and use your God-given sense. I am aware that there are pitfalls in and around marriage — and I have been far from perfect as a husband. Still, I cannot imagine my life any other way, and I thank God again for blessing me with such a wife.

So how about you? How do you plan to build a strong and durable marriage? What lessons have you learned? Add your comments below.

“It shouldn’t have happened.” Those were my wife’s words on Sunday, October 8 — the day she and her siblings, our nephew, and I said goodbye to their mother, his grandmother, my mother-in-law. “It shouldn’t have happened. But it did.”

Just the facts, ma’am

My mother-in-law, Carolyn, and stepfather-in-law, Jack, were in their car Thursday afternoon, October 5, when a truck in the oncoming lane crossed the center line and hit them head-on. Both of them survived the crash but were badly injured and were rushed to the nearest trauma center. Both were conscious when they arrived, by helicopter and ambulance, respectively. And each was asking how the other was  — not about himself or herself. Family rushed to the ICU where they were in rooms next door to each other, to watch, to pray, to let them each know we were there.

Surgical rounds in a trauma ICU are frank. The trauma surgeon explains how the patient came by her injuries, and then lists them along with what they are doing already and what they plan to do next. My mother-in law’s condition had to stabilize before the surgeon could do anything else.

The next morning, Carolyn was stable, but too frail for surgery. At 3:00 Sunday morning, her heart stopped. Although the nurses were able to restore her pulse, it became clear her heart just couldn’t meet the demands her injuries placed on it, We were going to have to say goodbye.  And at 7:22 that morning, after each of us there had a few moments alone with her, Carolyn Lakes entered the Larger life.

In loving memory

I’m telling you these things for reasons I hope to make clear, but I want this to be a tribute to the wonderful woman who was my mother-in-law. Comedians and musicians have long made fun of the fraught relationship between a husband and his wife’s mother. I never got those jokes. From the first time I met Carolyn, when Mrs. Booth and I were dating and already serious, she was always welcoming and gracious. And through the nearly 32 years of our marriage, she was loving and supportive and never a giver of unsolicited advice.

Twenty-one years ago, when her beloved husband of 41 years died of cancer, I began telling her, “Come to our house whenever you like. Stay as long as you want.” I meant it, and she knew it. But she had made me feel welcome first, so it was easy to return the favor.

It was around that time that I first expressed my gratitude to her for the godly upbringing she and my father-in-law gave to my wife, her brother, and her sisters. That has been the greatest and most lasting gift from this most loving, generous and faithful woman.

Let me count the ways

If you’ll indulge me, I want to recount some of the things I loved most about my mother-in-law.

• Devoted – Carolyn loved God with her heart, soul, mind, and strength. She served her husband, her family, and her church throughout her life. I expect I’ll always remember the bustling kitchen at holidays, the stacks of books in the family room, and the swarms of people who greeted her in the parish hall after Sunday worship. Her love for God gave her a contagious love for people — and they loved her back.
• Active – Music was a big part Carolyn’s life, and she passed that on to her children and grandchildren. She sang in the church choir for years, and joined a community chorus that performed in the Czech Republic. She remained curious and read and listened daily. It was always interesting to discuss politics or theology with her. She took her positions carefully and argued them with vigor, but never took herself too seriously.
• Joyous – There was never anyone in the family more pleased than my mother-in-law to see the whole family together — laughing, telling stories, and sharing a meal she had prepared. She doted on her grandchildren, and was so proud of each of them. Her gentle laugh was never at anyone’s expense — except for that one time when my sister-in-law’s husband came to visit with two right shoes. He gamely wore them to church and when he knelt at the altar rail, the soles of his feet looked like quotation marks. She laughed ’til she cried — we all did.
• Determined – After she became a widow, she didn’t retreat from life. Instead, she got in her car and drove from Florida to New England and points in between to visit family. She did this multiple times over the years.
• Brave – She had already beaten breast cancer, and when doctors diagnosed her with macular degeneration that threatened her sight, she agreed to try a new therapy that required getting injections into her eyeballs. i kid you not! This was one courageous woman. And always a lady.
• Open to new things – She met and married my stepfather-in-law, Jack, when she was eighty. As unlikely as it sounds, it was the most wonderful love story. It was beautiful the way they loved each other and cared for each other. She stunned her family by becoming a dog person! And she adapted her love of travel to Jack’s passion for RV camping. They went all over — including traveling up to our son’s wedding a few months ago.

I’ve written before on the topic “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain.” In those posts I meant that a man can’t just marry a girl and act like she has no ties. The home she comes from is a big part of your future happiness, so pay attention to those family dynamics. If you believe as I do that marriage is a covenant, you’re pledging to stay together until death parts you. A quarrelsome wife and or a quarrelsome mother-in-law are two burdens you can avoid. And a good relationship with your wife’s family is a blessing and a delight. My wonderful mother-in-law Was proof that it can be done.

I am grateful for the woman Carolyn is, for the home my wife grew up in, for the example of Christian character she modeled before us, for the way she loved my father-in-law, for the way she loved Jack, and for the many ways she loved us. I am thankful we will know each other in eternity and celebrate and remember.

Epilogue

Jack remained in intensive care, until the day of Carolyn’s funeral a month after her death. Jack was able to attend the service before committing to the physical therapy he needed to recover from his injuries. He moved from the home he and Carolyn shared and now lives in a nearby senior living community. He and all of our family would appreciate your prayers.

After Carolyn passed away, Tom Petty’s song “Wildflowers” kept playing in my head. I can’t explain it, but I have found it comforting and hopeful to listen to it. Given that Tom Petty and my mother-in-law had Gainesville, Florida, in common, and that they died within a week of each other, it seems fitting that I offer the following:

So how about you? Whom in your life would you like to honor or remember? Add your comments below.

“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

Men:  We have to talk about sex. If there’s one area where this generation is stuck, this is it.

The Water Was Dirty Before You Got In

Now, before you conclude that I’m pointing my finger at you, please realize that the Boomer cohort gave us the sexual revolution and rampant divorce, and the Gen X cohort was equally careless about sex and marriage.  But it’s even worse than that.  These are the guys who grew up to convince you that everyone but you was sexually active, to urge the women you know to emulate the worst of promiscuous men, and to offer you pornography pretty much anywhere and anytime — and all so they could separate you from your money.  If you want poor examples, the generations ahead of you are shot through with them.

Applying wisdom — that’s a horse of a different color!

So if you’re a typical American male, you were probably exposed to pornography somewhere around age ten.  But even if you didn’t see any sexually explicit magazines, videos or websites in your youth, you’ve been awash in a culture that has turned sex into a commodity devoid of any spiritual significance.  As a man who has spent much of his career in and around sales, I say it’s lazy to use sex to sell.  As bad as that is, it’s worse to be so checked out that you allow it to influence you.  There is a better way.

Meet King Solomon

In the Old Testament (that’s the first 39 books of the Bible), we meet a king named Solomon.  He was the son of King David and Bathsheba (there’s a story about the misuse of sex, right there).  When Solomon succeeded his father as the king of Israel, God told Solomon to ask him for anything.  In reply, Solomon asked for wisdom to govern God’s people.  This pleased God and he promised Solomon that no one would be wiser or more honored than he.

In addition to building the Temple in Jerusalem, Solomon reportedly had 1,000 wives and concubines.  (Here I should point out that just because the Bible describes something, it does not prescribe it.)  Solomon is also credited with several books of the Bible — Ecclesiastes, The Song of Solomon, and Proverbs.  And that brings us to the purpose of this post.

In Proverbs 5 Solomon writes this:

My son, be attentive to my wisdom;

incline your ear to my understanding,

that you may keep discretion,

and your lips may guard knowledge.

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil,

but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,

sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death;

her steps follow the path to Sheol;

she does not ponder the path of life;

her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me,

and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her,

and do not go near the door of her house,

lest you give your honor to others

and your years to the merciless,

lest strangers take their fill of your strength,

and your labors go to the house of a foreigner,

and at the end of your life you groan,

when your flesh and body are consumed,

and you say, “How I hated discipline,

and my heart despised reproof!

I did not listen to the voice of my teachers

or incline my ear to my instructors.”

Be the Gatekeeper

What Difference Does It Make?

The Rest of The Story

It Isn’t Easy

So how about you?  How are you applying God’s wisdom to help you lead a chaste life?  Add your comments below.

“Don’t be flip with the sacred. Banter and silliness give no honor to God. Don’t reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you’re only being cute and inviting sacrilege.” – Jesus in Matthew 7:6 (MSG)

In Part 1, I presented an unintentional review of NBC’s live performance of Jesus Christ Superstar (I liked it), but faulted the original play for its failure to portray the resurrection of Jesus — his physical death and his rising form the grave on the third day. Look, I appreciate Andrew Lloyd Weber’s emphasizing the humanness of Jesus. Orthodox Christians have often glossed over His humanity and unwittingly fallen into error. At the same time, Weber over-emphasizes Jesus’ humanity, as it seems the story concludes that Jesus was a charismatic leader whom the zeitgeist promoted beyond any promise a man could keep — hence the designation, Superstar.

Horses for courses, toys for tots

If you want to learn about the nature of God and the nature of man, I submit that there are better sources of information than NBC’s Jesus Christ Superstar or ABC’s airing of The Ten Commandments. I commend both works  and both networks for at least portraying these events. The shows are well-told with high production values and top-tier actors. They are by far better than the anything-for-a-buck Passover Bag of Plagues pictured here. But like these stupid so-called toys,  once you know the story in its fullness, these programs seem trivial.

In this post, I’d like to lay out just a few reasons why I believe in the resurrection of Jesus and why i believe you should too.

The evidence for the resurrection

Excuse me, but who thought this was a good idea?

Let’s start with the relevant passage from the Bible. Here’s Matthew’s gospel following his account of Jesus’ death on the cross:

When it was evening, there came a rich man from Arimathea, named Joseph, who also was a disciple of Jesus. ⁵⁸ He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then Pilate ordered it to be given to him. ⁵⁹ And Joseph took the body and wrapped it in a clean linen shroud ⁶⁰ and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had cut in the rock. And he rolled a great stone to the entrance of the tomb and went away. ⁶¹ Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were there, sitting opposite the tomb.

⁶² The next day, that is, after the day of Preparation, the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered before Pilate ⁶³ and said, “Sir, we remember how that impostor said, while he was still alive, ‘After three days I will rise.’ ⁶⁴ Therefore order the tomb to be made secure until the third day, lest his disciples go and steal him away and tell the people, ‘He has risen from the dead,’ and the last fraud will be worse than the first.” ⁶⁵ Pilate said to them, “You have a guard^[j] of soldiers. Go, make it as secure as you can.” ⁶⁶ So they went and made the tomb secure by sealing the stone and setting a guard.

Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. ² And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. ³ His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. ⁴ And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. ⁵ But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. ⁶ He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he^[lay. ⁷ Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.” ⁸ So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. ⁹ And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. ¹⁰ Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”

¹¹ While they were going, behold, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had taken place. ¹² And when they had assembled with the elders and taken counsel, they gave a sufficient sum of money to the soldiers ¹³ and said, “Tell people, ‘His disciples came by night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ ¹⁴ And if this comes to the governor’s ears, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” ¹⁵ So they took the money and did as they were directed. And this story has been spread among the Jews to this day.” – Matthew 27:57-66; 28:1-15 (NIV)

Let’s start where I left off in Part 1: Despite the Jewish authorities and Roman government’s shared interest in snuffing this upstart sect, Jesus’ enemies couldn’t produce his remains. Note that the officials stationed guards — Roman soldiers — to seal and guard the tomb to prevent the disciples from stealing Jesus’ body.

Note also the rich detail we have surrounding the story. We have the name of the man who prepared Jesus’ body for burial and who placed the body in his unused tomb. And there’s more. We have the cover-up for the failure of the guards and the harsh description in the mouths of the Pharisees, calling Jesus “that impostor.” Most people seeking to burnish the reputation of a revered figure don’t include disparaging information.

Eyewitnesses to history

Elsewhere in the Bible we learn that the risen Jesus appeared to many people on multiple occasions. In 1 Corinthians 15:6 Paul the Apostle writes that Jesus appeared to over 500 people at one time. He explained that many of them were still living a the time he wrote his account, so if he were misleading or mistaken, there were people who could have –and certainly would have — contradicted him. Don’t forget that Rome actively pursued and sought to exterminate Christians in the first century and beyond. Contradictory testimony would have been valuable and would have been promoted.

Historic recency

In his book History and Christianity, John W. Montgomery explains that the gospel writers’ earliest manuscripts appeared no later than 100 AD — well within the lifetimes of eyewitnesses to the resurrection. As I mentioned, the appearance of manuscripts contemporaneous to eyewitnesses would have allowed for correction or condemnation if these manuscripts had been incorrect.

This comparatively short interval is noteworthy among ancient writings. Montgomery says that the shortest interval between the death and the appearance of the earliest manuscripts attributed to an author are those of Plato. No serious historian doubts the accuracy or authenticity of the words attributed to Plato — and the earliest manuscripts appeared approximately 800 years after his death.

You bet your life

And last, we have the eyewitnesses to the resurrection who were executed for asserting the truth of the resurrection. Sincere people will die for something they erroneously believe to be true, but no one would willingly die for something he knows is false. Consider the logic: If the resurrection were a fraud and the afterlife a hollow promise, what would be the incentive to die thereby wasting one’s one and only life?

Here’s where it gets personal

This is why it matters that Jesus died and rose again: without the Grace and pardon of God, you and I are doomed to an eternity separated from God. Each one of us was born infected with the corruption of this fallen world. God is love and He loves us, but God is also just, so He must punish sin. That’s where Jesus comes in. The sinless son of God came into the world, fully God and fully human, and lived a life of perfect obedience to the law of God. Then He took the sins of the world on Himself and allowed Himself to be nailed to the cross — an innocent man dying a criminal’s death. This is the fulfillment of the ceremonial law of Moses, the once and forever fulfillment of the Passover, and the satisfaction of the law’s legitimate claim on blood for the covering and propitiation of sin. God’s love was so great, that He allowed His son Jesus to die for you and me, to take our punishment. But it’s even better than this.

If Jesus had simply died a martyr’s death as a human sacrifice, the benefit would have had an expiration date. Instead, since the wages of sin is death, Jesus proved He had mastered and broken death forever by staying in the grave until the third day and then rising — alive. This is why the resurrection of Jesus Christ is such a big deal. We need it.

So how about you — In what ways do you agree or disagree about the importance of the resurrection? Did you believe it before? Do you believe it now? Add your comments below.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” – Ephesians 1:17 (NIV)

Like millions of my countrymen, I spent part of Easter Sunday watching NBC’s live performance of Jesus Christ Superstar — the rock opera that tells the story of the last week of the life of Jesus. Although as a child I had listened to and had sung along with the soundtrack album enough to know the songs by heart, I hadn’t really thought about the play in a good 30+ years. Yet there I was in front of the television watching it in high definition.

What surprised me was how well it had held up musically. I was impressed with the casting choices and with the size and tightness of the band. The high point for me was the voices — kudos in particular to John Legend, Brandon Dixon, and Sara Bareilles –  and Alice Cooper as King Herod was the main reason I decided to tune in.

You knew there was a “but” coming…

It’s not a Legend: Peter and John ran to the empty tomb

(Spoiler alert: I’m going to divulge plot points and specific staging decisions for this production. Don’t get mad at me: the play has been around since the 1970’s.) But at the end, I remembered why as impressive as it was and is, “Jesus Christ Superstar” feels like a letdown: there’s no resurrection. In fact it’s worse than that. At the climax of the show, Judas, the betrayer, commits suicide offstage. We then have the scourging of Jesus and the crucifixion, followed by the truly bizarre decision to have Jesus fly into the distance while still on the cross. This is followed by the reappearance of the apparently resurrected Judas who sings the title song and the show ends.

There must be a pony in there somewhere

Because I’m an optimist, I tend to look for the pony responsible for the pile of manure. In this production, we do see Jesus again — at the curtain call. It is part of the show, but it is not part of the play. I know, I know: what’s next? Will I start yelling at kids to get off my lawn? Not for many years.

Let me explain that I defend Andrew Lloyd Weber’s artistic decision to write what he wrote about Jesus. I hope it’s clear I’m praising (see what I did there?) the artistic merit of the production at every level. And, as a social media acquaintance pointed out, we should note that NBC spent a lot of money to hire top talent to present the story of Jesus — however imperfectly — in prime time on Easter. I’m concerned about the lack of a resurrection portrayal for a different reason.

Back in my day…

In the 1970’s Americans of every faith knew the outlines of Jesus’ story — the virgin birth, the visiting shepherds and wise men, the genocidal rage of Herod, the healing miracles, the Sermon on the Mount, Palm Sunday, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. These days we can no longer assume this knowledge is a given. Let me offer one example.

NPR: Not Particularly Religious

You may have read or heard that taxpayer-funded and listener-supported NPR offered this description of Easter during a report on Good Friday:

Easter — the day celebrating the idea that Jesus did not die and go to hell or purgatory or anywhere like that, but rather arose into heaven — is on Sunday.”

If this represents the national media’s level of what Dr. E.D. Hirsch called cultural literacy, you can forgive me for being concerned about a telling of Jesus’s story that doesn’t include His physical death and a bodily resurrection.

What difference does it make?

The resurrection of Jesus is the proof that Jesus was fully God and fully man, and more — that he satisfied the claims of divine justice permanently. Without a resurrected Jesus, there’s no good news, no new covenant, no pardon for sins, and no eternal hope. So for my skeptical or hard-core atheist friends, if you want to undo Christianity, present the bones of Jesus of Nazareth and your job is done. Theories and suppositions won’t cut it.

In Part 2, I’ll elaborate on why the resurrection is so important, and I’ll outline some of the evidence for the resurrection of Jesus.

So how about you — What do you think about the resurrection of Jesus? How did you come to your conclusions? Add your comments below.

“There is a me you would not recognize…” – Over the Rhine from Latter Days

In my previous post on identity, I warned against the rise of the impostor, also known as the false self. If you’re like me and most of the men I’ve met, you have either overcome the false self, or you are living the life of the false self.

What is this False Self you speak of?

Different teachers have called it different names — the False Self, the Impostor, the Poser — but it’s all the same thing. A wounded man — and let’s face it, we’re all wounded to some degree — seeks to cover his vulnerability by building on his natural abilities. He seeks out opportunities to excel where his giftedness won’t betray him, and avoids environments where he fears he might be exposed. It’s a way of rigging the game, of stacking his schedule with less-than-challenging opponents.

The result can be quite convincing for a while. Casual acquaintances may never catch on. But inside the man is miserable and increasingly angry — and unfortunately, he spreads his misery to his wife and children. I know, because I lived it.

My False Self – a not-very-cool origin story

I’ve written and spoken before of how I was named for my paternal grandfather and how he taught me so many good things. As I child, I idolized him. There was nothing he couldn’t do. I wanted to be like him, and his approval was everything.

There is a me you would not recognize…

After my parents separated when I was ten, we moved back to my parents’ hometown — an hour away from my dad. My grandfather became that much more important to me, in his influence and proximity. I spent many Saturdays at his elbow, working in the yard, repairing things around the house — learning a lot of the very useful things men learned from their fathers and grandfathers.

On many of these occasions, my grandfather would send me to his shop or his storage shed to bring a tool, a fastener, or some other needed part to him. He would explain what it looked like, and where to look for it. He would always ask if I understood. If I said I didn’t, we’d go through it again. Most of the time, I found the item and brought it back straightaway. Other times I’d get distracted and come back without it. Sometimes it wouldn’t be where he said it would be. But sometimes, I lied and said I knew what he was talking about so he’d think well of me.

On one of those latter occasions, I returned without the thing he sent me to get. Exasperated, he look at me disgustedly and said, “You haven’t got the sense God gave a goose.” I didn’t cry. I didn’t complain. But I was devastated. In some ways that one remark was a greater wound than the one dealt by the death of my parents’ marriage. This was because I knew that my parents’ impending divorce was not my doing. Even though it was like a wildfire wrapped in a tornado in an earthquake, I knew it wasn’t my fault. By contrast, my grandfather’s disapproval and his harsh words — directed at me  — delivered a blow to my heart.

As a result, I became the competent one. I was going to have an answer — the answer — and I was never going to be unprepared or feel that humiliated again. I threw myself into striving. I sought approval everywhere. School was easy, and it provided ready feedback. I’ve always been good with words, so verbal jousting and bantering was an easy way to establish my place in the pack. I was active in scouting, so again it was  easy to tick off requirements and earn badges. Ultimately, the false self made me an addict — and approval was my drug of choice.

Years later, when I became a follower of Jesus, I concealed the pain that had shaped me. I was able to pick up the dialect and the false self let me hide in the context of the church. I appeared to be a capable leader

I was nearly 40 years old by the time I understood what had happened and why I was trapped in a prison of rules (conformity), approval — and my “favorite,” the fear of failure. looking back it is easy to see. But I was young at the time and badly hurt. And the ones who should have helped me overcome this woundedness to help me see my true identity on the other side of this — were the two men who wounded me.

Ultimately, my story had a happy ending, as I admitted to God and myself that I was damaged, and He began healing me. Part of the way my pain was redeemed was the process of masculine initiation I undertook with each of my sons. Part of it was committing to honoring the vows I made to my wife. Part of it was realizing that my grandfather and my father were wounded themselves and forgiving them. And part of it is in writing this blog to help those of you with a similar story find the joy and freedom of your true identity.

Those gifts you’re leaning on are good gifts. Your mistake is thinking they define who you are. They were meant to emanate from your identity, not take its place.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

When you live according to external appearances — and you stake your identity on what you have and or what you do, you are falling into the trap of ontological lightness. It sounds paradoxical to say that the way through pain is to admit how bad it hurts, but I know it to be true because that is the path I took. Even though my healing came over 15 years ago, there are still times when I am tempted to fall back on the false self, the all-capable one. Then I remember.

As I hope you see, living according to the false self  is exhausting. You can never let down your guard or else someone — the dreaded and ubiquitous “they” — will see you’re a poser. It’s like the doofus on the beach trying to appear more muscular by sucking in his gut. Eventually, he has to let it out. Based on my experience, it’s better to surrender your mask than to have it stripped from you. And that is what God, our Father, wants to do for you, His sons.

I am healed and I am free, and I want you to have the same freedom to live from your redeemed heart. If I can do it, you know it can be done.

So how about you? In what ways have you grown tired of the false self? You can add your comments below (anonymously, if you’d like).

Merry Christmas!

While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

St. Joseph and the Infant Christ (c. 1670-1685) by Baciccio

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.