“The glory of young men is their strength, but the splendor of old men is their grey hair.” – Proverbs 20:29

I said I wanted a photo portraying mentors!

In his book, “To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father,” Don Miller compares the transfer of wisdom from older to younger men to the method pilots used to advise one another when flying across the Pacific Ocean.  Since there are great expanses of ocean with no land on which to build radar installations, pilots further along the route advised the pilots following them regarding weather and flying conditions.  This communication from their more senior colleagues was essential.

Mentoring is the relational equivalent of getting the radio call from a pilot further across the ocean than you are.

Why you need a mentor

Historically, fathers filled this primary role with support from grandfathers, uncles, godfathers, coaches, scoutmasters, Sunday school teachers — a whole network of resources that could help a young man find his way.  A lot of practical knowledge passed from older men to younger men regarding work, women, faith and friendship, and the number of men engaged in the process helped to curb the excesses of any one individual.

As you’ve no doubt seen, our atomized culture and unfavorable marriage trends have made these relationships harder to come by.  However, a mentor can help you overcome this lack by sharing the wisdom accumulated over a longer span of time than your life to date.

What About Dad?

Even if you have a great dad, you need a mentor. Your father’s guidance is valuable, but we tend to discount it – kind of like when your mom tells you you’re handsome. She’s supposed to think so, so it doesn’t mean as much.  Your mentor will make observations a family member won’t, but will also confirm the best of your upbringing.

How to get a mentor

This is not a combat mission or a one-time event.  Mentoring at its heart is relational, so you should seek to develop a friendship over time.  Even so, the most straightforward approach is best: ask.  Don’t hint around — be direct and ask for the help you need.

As a suggestion, find a healthy, doctrinally sound church that has a good balance of men and women attending, and I’ll bet there are men there who have been mentored and who would be willing to mentor you.    Note: Some churches have even organized mentoring programs to match young men with solid mentors.

What you should expect

Here are the top attributes you should look for in a prospective mentor:

• Commitment — You need a mentor who genuinely wants to help you become the best version of yourself.
• Boundaries — He’s not signing on to be a surrogate dad, and he needs to be a wise steward of his time — and yours. Pro tip: Meet in public at a coffee shop or restaurant and limit your meetings to about an hour.
• Discretion — Over time, your mentor should know you well enough and have sufficient judgment to ask tough questions and to call you on your B.S.  Those discussions should stay between you, though.
• Candor — about his own failures and lessons learned, but also about how he sees your situation.  You need someone in your life who will tell you the truth — and stick by you — when you’re behaving like a jackass.
• Prudence — Your mentor should exhibit wisdom in his behavior and demeanor, acting and speaking appropriately.  Note this, since a byproduct of mentoring is that over time you will become more like your mentor.

What your mentor should expect from you
Here’s what a good mentor is looking for from you:

• Punctuality — Show up on time.  The man is giving you a treasure.  Value it by showing appropriate respect for his time.
• Great questions — Most mentoring occurs as a dialog.  You may discuss a book you’re both reading, but come in with well-thought-out questions.
• A listening ear — If you want wisdom, you must listen carefully.  You may disagree, but don’t interrupt or argue.
• Honesty — A mentor who gets anything other than the truth from you is wasting his time.  Be completely truthful.
• Humility — You have much to learn, but now you have a guide.  Be thankful.

Just so you know, this is not an abstraction for me — I meet and check in with my mentor regularly.

So how about you?  Do you have a mentor?  What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a mentor or as a mentor?  Add your comments below.

“Therefore I urge you to imitate me.”  – 1 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV)
–Saint Paul

Time for another visit to the poetry corner. Note: I found this years ago in a poetry anthology belonging to my grandfather. I noticed it because when he read something that stuck with him, he’d sign his name on the page. It stuck with me, too.

It’s a Boy!

The Little Chap Who Follows Me

A careful man I ought to be
A little fellow follows me
I do not dare to go astray
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.

I must not madly step aside
Where pleasure’s paths are smooth and wide
And join in wine’s red revelry
A little fellow follows me.

I cannot once escape his eyes
Whate’er he sees me do he tries
Like me, he says he’s going to be:
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine:
The base in me he must not see,
The little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go,
Through summer’s sun and winter’s snow,
I’m building for the years to be,
A little fellow follows me.
– Author Unknown

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

We live in an era of widespread surveillance — from nanny cams and home security systems to state-sponsored monitoring of our phone calls, emails, texts and web browsing.  This is the sort of supervision “for our own good” that George Orwell warned about.  And it is the kind of snooping aimed at controlling us.

This poem, however, provides a different reminder regarding our being watched.  Your younger brothers and sisters, your nephews and nieces, your teammates, your direct reports, your wife, your own sons and daughters are looking to you and your example to determine what’s right and what’s wrong.  This is the arena of self-control.

What Would A Great Character Do?

Author and marketing expert Donald Miller says that when we’re facing a decision, we should consider how we would view a character in a story who made that same choice.  I like this approach because it enables me to take my emotions out of it and consider the issue from an outside point of view.  This is one more reason why the stories we choose are so important.

I’d add one further step: consider how you’d feel if your kid brother or your son did what you’re thinking of doing.  Believe me, getting this right can save you — and the ones looking up to you — a lot of grief.

In a previous post, I explained that part of the reason I publish this blog under my real name is that I am not my own.  My words and my deeds do not only affect me, but they affect my family and every organization I’m in as well.  They’re watching me.  You’re watching me.  I know that, and I have to consider this daily.  I readily admit I am far from perfect, but I am better than I was.

If you want to live a maximized life and be the man you were born to be, consider that Little Brother Is Watching You, and pass on an example and a legacy you can be proud of.

So how about you?  Who are the ones looking to you for an example?  How can you model excellence for them?  Add your comments below.

His eyes! They follow me across the room!

“Therefore I urge you to imitate me.”  – 1 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV)
–Saint Paul

Time for another visit to the poetry corner.

The Little Chap Who Follows Me

A careful man I ought to be
A little fellow follows me
I do not dare to go astray
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.

I must not madly step aside
Where pleasure’s paths are smooth and wide
And join in wine’s red revelry
A little fellow follows me.

I cannot once escape his eyes
Whate’er he sees me do he tries
Like me, he says he’s going to be:
The little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine,
Believes in every word of mine:
The base in me he must not see,
The little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go,
Through summer’s sun and winter’s snow,
I’m building for the years to be,
A little fellow follows me.
– Author Unknown

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me
We live in an era of widespread surveillance — from nanny cams and home security systems to state-sponsored monitoring of our phone calls, emails, texts and web browsing.  This is the sort of supervision “for our own good” that George Orwell warned about.  And it is the kind of snooping aimed at controlling us.

This poem, however, provides a different reminder regarding our being watched.  Your younger brothers and sisters, your nephews and nieces, your teammates, your direct reports, your wife, your own sons and daughters are looking to you and your example to determine what’s right and what’s wrong.  This is the arena of self control.

What Would A Great Character Do?
Author and marketing expert Donald Miller says that when we’re facing a decision, we should consider how we would view a character in a story who made that same choice.  I like this approach because it enables me to take my emotions out of it and consider the issue from an outside point of view.  This is one more reason why the stories we choose are so important.

I’d add one further step: consider how you’d feel if your kid brother or your son did what you’re thinking of doing.  Believe me, getting this right can save you — and the ones looking up to you — a lot of grief.

In a previous post, I explained that part of the reason I publish this blog under my real name is that I am not my own.  My words and my deeds do not only affect me, but they affect my family and every organization I’m in as well.  They’re watching me.  You’re watching me.  I know that, and I have to consider this daily.  I readily admit I am far from perfect, but I am better than I was.

If you want to live a maximized life and be the man you were born to be, consider that Little Brother Is Watching You, and pass on an example and a legacy you can be proud of.

So how about you?  Who are the ones looking to you for an example?  How can you model excellence for them?  Add your comments below.

I said I wanted a photo portraying mentors!

In his book, “To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father,” Don Miller compares the transfer of wisdom from older to younger men to the method pilots used to advise one another when flying across the Pacific Ocean.  Since there are great expanses of ocean with no land on which to build radar installations, pilots further along the route advised the pilots following them regarding weather and flying conditions.  This communication from their more senior colleagues was essential.

Mentoring is the relational equivalent of getting the radio call from a pilot further across the ocean than you are.

Why you need a mentor.
Historically, fathers filled this primary role with support from grandfathers, uncles, godfathers, coaches, scoutmasters, Sunday school teachers — a whole network of resources that could help a young man find his way.  A lot of practical knowledge passed from older men to younger men regarding work, women, faith and friendship, and the number of men engaged in the process helped to curb the excesses of any one individual.

As you’ve no doubt seen, our atomized culture and unfavorable marriage trends have made these relationships harder to come by.  However, a mentor can help you overcome this lack by sharing the wisdom accumulated over a longer span of time than your life to date.

What About Dad?
Even if you have a great dad, you need a mentor. Your father’s guidance is valuable, but we tend to discount it – kind of like when your mom tells you you’re handsome. She’s supposed to think so, so it doesn’t mean as much.  Your mentor will make observations a family member won’t, but will also confirm the best of your upbringing.

How to get a mentor.
This is not a combat mission or a one-time event.  Mentoring at its heart is relational, so you should seek to develop a friendship over time.  Even so, the most straightforward approach is best: ask.  Don’t hint around — be direct and ask for the help you need.

As a suggestion, find a healthy, doctrinally sound church that has a good balance of men and women attending, and I’ll bet there are men there who have been mentored and who would be willing to mentor you.    Note: Some churches have even organized mentoring programs to match young men with solid mentors.

What you should expect
Here are the top attributes you should look for in a prospective mentor:

• Commitment — You need a mentor who genuinely wants to help you become the best version of yourself.
• Boundaries — He’s not signing on to be a surrogate dad, and he needs to be a wise steward of his time — and yours. Pro tip: Meet in public at a coffee shop or restaurant and limit your meetings to about an hour.
• Discretion — Over time, your mentor should know you well enough and have sufficient judgment to ask tough questions and to call you on your B.S.  Those discussions should stay between you, though.
• Candor — about his own failures and lessons learned, but also about how he sees your situation.  You need someone in your life who will tell you the truth — and stick by you — when you’re behaving like a jackass.
• Prudence — Your mentor should exhibit wisdom in his behavior and demeanor, acting and speaking appropriately.  Note this, since a byproduct of mentoring is that over time you will become more like your mentor.

What your mentor should expect from you
Here’s what a good mentor is looking for from you:

• Punctuality — Show up on time.  The man is giving you a treasure.  Value it by showing appropriate respect for his time.
• Great questions — Most mentoring occurs as a dialog.  You may discuss a book you’re both reading, but come in with well-thought-out questions.
• A listening ear — If you want wisdom, you must listen carefully.  You may disagree, but don’t interrupt or argue.
• Honesty — A mentor who gets anything other than the truth from you is wasting his time.  Be completely truthful.
• Humility — You have much to learn, but now you have a guide.  Be thankful.

Just so you know, this is not an abstraction for me — I meet with my mentor every two weeks.

So how about you?  Do you have a mentor?  What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a mentor or as a mentor?  Add your comments below.