“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.” — Proverbs 26:27 (ESV)

By now you may have already heard about the news story broken by Rolling Stone magazine — a horrific tale of a brutal sexual assault on a female first-year student that allegedly took place in a fraternity house on the University of Virginia’s grounds.  From there it got worse, as the story alleged that the victim’s friends discouraged her from notifying the police, and that the university’s response when the victim came forward was, shall we say, inadequate.  However, in the unforgiving glare caused by the unfavorable publicity, UVA’s president suspended all fraternity activities until further notice.  There’s just one thing: the story printed in Rolling Stone wasn’t accurate.

Somebody should blow the whistle

Why talk about what didn’t happen?*

Two reasons: 1)  Young men need to understand the times in which they live — recognizing that some accusations are, in the minds of some journalists, too good to research.  And 2) Young men need to make sure their conduct is above reproach in every circumstance — and never more so than in their dealings with women.

Far from calling for an unthinking return to chivalry, this is a call for self awareness, self respect and self control.  If you are committed to maintaining a life of integrity, you will want to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.  This will not only preserve your reputation — and hers — but it will also help to shield you from the sorts of accusations being lobbed on college campuses these days.

As shocking as it may seem, there is no longer a presumption of innocence on many college campuses.  And many institutions of higher learning have done away with due process — eliminating, for example, the right of legal representation, of cross-examination, or even that of confronting one’s accuser.  Even if you’ve done no such thing, being on the receiving end of a rape accusation can nuke your college career for keeps.

Time-honored wisdom

Recently, I published a post regarding King Solomon’s advice to young men regarding the forbidden woman.  Here’s more wisdom from this ancient king:

“As I stood at the window of my house looking out through the shutters, Watching the mindless crowd stroll by, I spotted a young man without any sense Arriving at the corner of the street where she lived, then turning up the path to her house. It was dusk, the evening coming on, the darkness thickening into night. Just then, a woman met him— she’d been lying in wait for him, dressed to seduce him. Brazen and brash she was, restless and roaming, never at home, Walking the streets, loitering in the mall, hanging out at every corner in town.

“She threw her arms around him and kissed him, boldly took his arm and said, “I’ve got all the makings for a feast— today I made my offerings, my vows are all paid, So now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face—and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month.

“Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, Like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, Like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over.

“So, friends, listen to me, take these words of mine most seriously. Don’t fool around with a woman like that; don’t even stroll through her neighborhood. Countless victims come under her spell; she’s the death of many a poor man. She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin.”  Proverbs 7:6-27 (The Message)

We should take a moment to state categorically that some — but not all —  men do assault women. But we also must acknowledge that some — but not all — women lie and lob false accusations. In biblical language this is called bearing false witness (testifying falsely) against one’s neighbor. Taken with the cultural Marxist project to destroy men, a man under such suspicion cannot count on a fair hearing in the media. Hence this discussion about journalistic malpractice by Rolling Stone.

We’ve talked before about leading in the context of relationships — how you should set the tone and be the gatekeeper.  In this way, it’s on you to ensure you and your female companion are not in situations that will even appear illicit.  In the passage above, Solomon is saying the young man should not have allowed himself to be seduced.  This is my advice to you, too.

Understand that apart from marriage, the boundaries are blurry.  What you think is mutual consent could turn out to be an accusation that ruins your life.  No momentary pleasure is worth that.

Epilogue:  

To their credit the magazine, embarrassed,  pulled the story — all 10,000 words of it — apologizing for not researching the claims of the alleged victim more thoroughly.  Despite the retraction of this story, UVA did not reinstate fraternity activities with anything near the speed with which they suspended them.

So how about you?  How are you taking care to mind your reputation in the dating arena?  Add your comments below.

*Just because Rolling Stone’s account can’t withstand scrutiny, that doesn’t prove the young woman wasn’t assaulted.

“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” -Ephesians 2:7-9 (The Message)

One of the guys in my small group asked the following question: “If Christians are saved by grace, why do we have God’s law?”  An excellent question.

Getting an A in tuning is just the start — not the main point.

The Law as a Tuner

I would compare the purpose of God’s law — the Ten Commandments and all the other moral teachings of scripture —  to tuning an instrument.

Tuning ensures that the sound of the instrument will be pleasing.  However, an instrument that is in relative tune — that is, one whose pitches are correctly spaced —  will sound good played by itself, but it will not necessarily sound good played with another instrument.  One string out of tune on one instrument can mar an entire performance.  For this reason, all the instruments in the band must be tuned to the same absolute pitch — an objective standard.

In this same sense, God’s moral law provides an objective reference point for determining how we relate to Him and how we deal with each other.

Ear training

Over time, a musician trains his ear.  He learns to recognize specific pitches, harmonic intervals, types of chords and chord progressions.  Likewise, as you grow in your relationship with God, you’ll become better able to distinguish right from wrong and to hear His voice.

A Little Help From My Friends

Even if you have perfect pitch it can be difficult to tune your instrument in a noisy environment.  Instruments get out of tune during a performance — even in the middle of a song.  That’s why even professionals use electronic tuners .  Whether they choose strobe, stomp box, smart phone apps or clip-on tuners (see photo) you see them everywhere. And audiences and musicians are the better for it.  In a high-pressure situation, or a noisy venue, the ability to determine whether or not your instrument is in tune is most valuable.

And let’s agree that life is noisy, so being able to weigh our motives, decisions and actions against God’s standard can help us calibrate our lives.

The Limits of Technology — And The Law

Tuning isn’t a one-time thing.  Recognizing you’re out of tune doesn’t correct your errant pitches.  The musician has to make those adjustments himself to be able to play in tune.  And some instruments are more prone to stay in tune than others, so a good musician will check his tuning and make fine adjustments as needed over the course of a performance.

Similarly, the law doesn’t fix what’s wrong — it merely shows us where we’re out of line.  It’s up to us to seek God’s help and bring the sour notes of our lives into conformance with His standard as often as it takes.

Buying a Stairway to Heaven?

So what’s the goal?  Is it possible to get to Heaven by being a good boy and obeying the moral law? Nope.  Following the law won’t put you in a relationship with God any more than being great at tuning will secure you a spot on the tour bus.

Tuning is an important aspect of musicianship — as obeying God is an important part of living as his follower — but music is much more than being in tune.  It’s about the relationship of melody, harmony and rhythm, and the expressiveness among the players in the band.  Spiritually speaking, God has made a place in His family band for you through the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus if you’ll accept this gift.  Relationship is greater than rules.  Grace is greater than law.

One more thing: In the band I’m in, everybody has his own tuner.  When something’s out, we all know it, but each band member tunes his own instrument.

So how about you?  In what ways are you imprisoned by rules and rule-keeping?  What do you need to help you sort this out and get free?  Add your comments below.

“But it does make a difference if you hurt your friend terribly, risking his eternal ruin! When you hurt your friend, you hurt Christ. A free meal here and there isn’t worth it at the cost of even one of these “weak ones.” So, never go to these idol-tainted meals if there’s any chance it will trip up one of your brothers or sisters.” – St. Paul from 1 Corinthians 8 (MSG)

As I write, the South Carolina legislature is considering whether to remove the Confederate battle flag from the confederate war memorial on the State House grounds. The state Senate voted overwhelmingly in favor, and the straw polling among members of the House of Representatives suggests the results in that chamber will be the same. Governor Nikki Haley has already indicated her willingness to sign such a bill, so it seems the Confederate battle flag will move to the Confederate relic room.

The signals are clear where the flag is concerned. (photo credit: Leeroy)

A little bit of (personal) history

In an earlier post, I explained that I am the great-grandson of a Civil War veteran. My grandfather was the youngest of eleven children born to his father, who had served as a private in the 30th Regiment, North Carolina Infantry. My grandfather was a teenager when his father passed away.

I say this to establish that the war and its significance — and the family ties — are all quite strong, so this is not abstract theory for me. Even though I am proud of my family and I am eligible to join any of the historical societies established for descendents of Confederate soldiers, and even though I could assert a right to display the confederate battle flag, I choose not to do so. I want to explain why by means of the following thought experiment.

The picture on the night table

Imagine for a moment that you’re married and that your wife has decided to place a matted, framed picture of her college boyfriend on the night table beside the bed the two of you share. In addition to finding it bizarre, you find it offensive, especially since you know their relationship was serious and you suspect he may have taken liberties with the woman who is now your wife. And because you love your wife, you have a healthy level of jealousy.

When you express your disapproval, she explains to you that you’re misinterpreting the symbolism and that you don’t understand what a great guy he is. When you counter that you do not approve of the face of her ex-boyfriend gazing over the marriage bed, your marriage bed, she explains she is commemorating a bygone era and some fond memories. When you say that her displaying of the photo suggests she would prefer to be in his arms instead of yours, she says that’s silly — she’s just honoring the past. “And besides, it’s a great picture!”

In a healthy marriage, no such display would take place, and pictures of or with old flames, if any, would be in boxes or photo albums.

Free to choose

I don’t presume to speak for all African-Americans, but I have heard enough of my black friends express views on the Confederate battle flag similar to the husband in the thought experiment above. Whatever virtues the old South possessed — and I would argue that there were many — the Confederate battle flag has been tainted by its connection to the evil of slavery and through its adoption by bigots of the vilest sort.

While I acknowledge and believe in the sincerity and good faith of those who argue “Heritage not Hate,” there are enough instances to the contrary to make the Confederate battle flag an unsuitable symbol. For this reason, I choose not to exercise my liberty or to assert my rights when to do so causes pain to people I love, and I do not support its display on government property. However, I believe private citizens should be free to make up their own minds, just as I have done.

Love your neighbor

In the first century, the issue in the church was whether it was proper for Christians to eat meat that had been sacrificed to idols. Paul the apostle instructed believers in Jesus to understand that their freedom to eat this meat must be tempered by consideration for the well-being of others. When we choose this because we are motivated by the love of God to love our neighbors, it is a beautiful thing.

Where do we go next?

Some people believe this gesture of goodwill from South Carolina should be the beginning of a cultural purge.  In this view, all Confederate monuments — from statues and cemeteries, to public streets, to toys, to cars on television shows, to colleges and universities named for Confederate generals — should be renamed, removed or paved over. I think this is a terrible idea, no matter where you line up.

Let’s agree first that this attempt to erase the past is a fool’s errand. In the age of the internet, it simply won’t work. Second, let’s recognize that this is the sort of book-burning impulse that people on the left used to regard as a hallmark of fascism. Third, note who else in the world is going about destroying ancient monuments. I won’t name names but their initials are I-S-I-L. And last, knowledge of our history — good and bad — is valuable to ensure we learn from the past as we build our common life. That kind of civic-mindedness and genuine grace doesn’t come from compulsory groupthink.

If we ban or eradicate every vestige of the past, we deny ourselves the opportunity to appreciate the tremendous progress we have made as a country. So now we find ourselves at or very near the end of what law can do to make men virtuous. That won’t stop some people, however.

So how about you? How can you show love to your neighbor around this issue? Add your comments below.

I submit to you that human beings are created with a need to worship that is as real and fundamental as the need for food, water and air.  It’s because we’re made in the image of God — because we have souls and all that goes with them — that we crave transcendence.

“Why do you look for the living among the dead? He has risen, just as He said.”

Our corrupted state makes this yearning even more intense.  The apparent randomness of life deepens in us the desire to connect with One who is bigger than we are, and who is able to change our circumstances, or at the very worst to redeem them.  We can take comfort in the knowledge that the world is in loving and all-powerful hands.

But even if you don’t worship this God, or any name-brand god, you worship something.  It could be money, sex, power, approval, your hair, your physique, your reputation, your kids or your career.  You know you worship whatever it is this way:  It is where your thoughts, your time and your money go.  You make decisions around it, because it holds the place of preeminence in your life.  Sound familiar?  As Bob Dylan sang, “You gotta serve somebody.”

Skeptics, Sign In

If you question whether mankind is made for worship, consider that the God of the Bible — that is, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — takes this as a given.  When God gave the law to Moses, He began with the ten commandments.  If you’re familiar with them, you’ll notice that the first four commandments deal with man’s obligations toward God.  Here are the relevant verses from Exodus, chapter 20:

And God spoke all these words:

Note that the Creator is mindful that His creatures are going to worship something — he provides His law to instruct fallible people to maintain their focus and worship Him exclusively.  We also see in the law the practical rationale and the benefits of obeying the law of God.

The object of our worship

If we’re in agreement that man is a worshipping creature, then we must next determine what is or should be worthy of our reverence and our obedience.  A common mistake I’ve observed — and made in the past myself — is to try to encourage people to worship God without establishing context.  If God is one deity among many, he might as well be another brand of toothpaste on the drugstore shelf — and deserving of about the same loyalty.

Similarly, beware of slapping a label on some collection of personal preferences and calling it “God.”  That’s like your mom making a gingerbread man and calling it by your name.

It’s much easier to worship God when you know Him, and it is easier to bow before His majesty when you’re convinced of His supremacy.  Otherwise, I’d offer what I imagine to be a helpful suggestion, to which you’d reply with a shrug and a “Says you.”

Let me introduce you

If the God of the Bible is the one true and living God, He would have an absolute claim on our devotion and our worship.  The Bible speaks of God as the creator of everything that exists.  The creator of a thing is usually the owner of that thing, and the owner is uniquely qualified to evaluate — to judge — his work.  Similarly, if the owner doesn’t share ownership, he alone is sovereign over his creation.  This means his preferences and his will are law.

And if the Creator’s character and reputation are of perfect love and perfect justice, He would be correct and consistent to punish wrongdoing.

So in the pages of scripture we meet God, the creator of the cosmos — one God in three persons — who is infinite, personal, loving and just.  He made mankind in His image and likeness and granted them the freedom to love Him or not, obey Him or not. Our original parents, Adam and Eve, violated God’s one and only rule, corrupting them and the whole of God’s creation.  Every woe in c=the world traces its origin to this tragic exercise of free will.

Rather than abandoning these rebels to their just punishment, God instead set in motion a plan of redemption.  First he called out a people to Himself.  He made a covenant with them to be their God forever.  He gave them His law to instruct them, but also to prove that not one of them was good enough often enough to earn God’s favor. The standard is 100% perfection.  No human being could pull that off.

The plan culminated in God’s taking on human flesh and living a perfect sin-free life, fulfilling the law of God, and ultimately satisfying the claims of divine justice.  Jesus, the only son of God, was fully God and fully human — and only He was able to make a satisfactory payment in full for the sins of all mankind by dying in our place — a substitutionary atonement.

Spoiler alert

The story of this God is remarkable, but it gets even better.  Because three days after Jesus died on the cross, he resurrected and appeared to hundreds of witnesses.  Since death was a consequence of rebellion against God, Jesus’ resurrection demonstrates his mastery over death – and proves his authority to forgive sins.  That is a God who is worthy of our worship!

In early 21st century America, we like stories about rascals who beat the system.  We may shake our heads and marvel at their gall, but we don’t necessarily admire them or want to be like them.  Unlike these types of characters, Jesus submitted to the will of God the Father, and endured the humiliation, the torture, the agony and the separation from God that our sins deserved.  He went through it, rather than around it — and all because He loves you.  Now I want to encourage you to worship Him.

Happy Easter!  He is risen!

So how about you?  In what ways are you in need of a spiritual tune up?  How do you intend to worship God this Easter?  Add your comments below.

Somebody should blow the whistle

“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.” — Proverbs 26:27 (ESV)

By now you may have already heard about the news story broken by Rolling Stone magazine — a horrific tale of a brutal sexual assault on a female first-year student that allegedly took place in a fraternity house on the University of Virginia’s grounds.  From there it got worse, as the story alleged that the victim’s friends discouraged her from notifying the police, and that the university’s response when the victim came forward was, shall we say, inadequate.  However, in the unforgiving glare caused by the unfavorable publicity, UVA’s president suspended all fraternity activities until further notice.  There’s just one thing: the story printed in Rolling Stone wasn’t accurate.

Why talk about what didn’t happen?*
Two reasons: 1)  Young men need to understand the times in which they live — recognizing that some accusations are, in the minds of some journalists, too good to research.  And 2) Young men need to make sure their conduct is above reproach in every circumstance — and never more so than in their dealings with women.

Far from calling for an unthinking return to chivalry, this is a call for self awareness, self respect and self control.  If you are committed to maintaining a life of integrity, you will want to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.  This will not only preserve your reputation — and hers — but it will also help to shield you from the sorts of accusations being lobbed on college campuses these days.

As shocking as it may seem, there is no longer a presumption of innocence on many college campuses.  And many institutions of higher learning have done away with due process — eliminating, for example, the right of legal representation, of cross-examination, or even that of confronting one’s accuser.  Even if you’ve done no such thing, being on the receiving end of a rape accusation can nuke your college career for keeps.

Time-honored wisdom
Recently, I published a post regarding King Solomon’s advice to young men regarding the forbidden woman.  Here’s more wisdom from this ancient king:

“As I stood at the window of my house looking out through the shutters, Watching the mindless crowd stroll by, I spotted a young man without any sense Arriving at the corner of the street where she lived, then turning up the path to her house. It was dusk, the evening coming on, the darkness thickening into night. Just then, a woman met him— she’d been lying in wait for him, dressed to seduce him. Brazen and brash she was, restless and roaming, never at home, Walking the streets, loitering in the mall, hanging out at every corner in town.

“She threw her arms around him and kissed him, boldly took his arm and said, “I’ve got all the makings for a feast— today I made my offerings, my vows are all paid, So now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face—and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month.

“Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, Like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, Like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over.

“So, friends, listen to me, take these words of mine most seriously. Don’t fool around with a woman like that; don’t even stroll through her neighborhood. Countless victims come under her spell; she’s the death of many a poor man. She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin.”  Proverbs 7:6-27 (The Message)

We’ve talked before about leading in the context of relationships — how you should set the tone and be the gatekeeper.  In this way, it’s on you to ensure you and your female companion are not in situations that will even appear illicit.  In the passage above, Solomon is saying the young man should not have allowed himself to be seduced.  This is my advice to you, too.

Understand that apart from marriage, the boundaries are blurry.  What you think is mutual consent could turn out to be an accusation that ruins your life.  No momentary pleasure is worth that.

Epilogue:  To their credit the magazine, embarrassed,  has pulled the story — all 10,000 words of it — apologizing for not researching the claims of the alleged victim more thoroughly.  Despite the retraction of this story, UVA has not reinstated fraternity activities.

So how about you?  How are you taking care to mind your reputation in the dating arena?  Add your comments below.

*Just because Rolling Stone’s account can’t withstand scrutiny, that doesn’t prove the young woman wasn’t assaulted.

Getting an A in tuning is just the start — not the main point.

“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” -Ephesians 2:7-9 (The Message)

One of the guys in my small group asked the following question: “If Christians are saved by grace, why do we have God’s law?”  An excellent question.

The Law as a Tuner
I would compare the purpose of God’s law — the Ten Commandments and all the other moral teachings of scripture —  to tuning an instrument.

Tuning ensures that the sound of the instrument will be pleasing.  However, an instrument that is in relative tune — that is, one whose pitches are correctly spaced —  will sound good played by itself, but it will not necessarily sound good played with another instrument.  One string out of tune on one instrument can mar an entire performance.  For this reason, all the instruments in the band must be tuned to the same absolute pitch — an objective standard.

In this same sense, God’s moral law provides an objective reference point for determining how we relate to Him and how we deal with each other.

Ear training
Over time, a musician trains his ear.  He learns to recognize specific pitches, harmonic intervals, types of chords and chord progressions.  Likewise, as you grow in your relationship with God, you’ll become better able to distinguish right from wrong and to hear His voice.

A Little Help From My Friends
Even if you have perfect pitch it can be difficult to tune your instrument in a noisy environment.  Instruments get out of tune during a performance — even in the middle of a song.  That’s why even professionals use electronic tuners .  Whether they choose strobe, stomp box, smart phone apps or clip-on tuners (see photo) you see them everywhere. And audiences and musicians are the better for it.  In a high-pressure situation, or a noisy venue, the ability to determine whether or not your instrument is in tune is most valuable.

And let’s agree that life is noisy, so being able to weigh our motives, decisions and actions against God’s standard can help us calibrate our lives.

The Limits of Technology — And The Law
Tuning isn’t a one-time thing.  Recognizing you’re out of tune doesn’t correct your errant pitches.  The musician has to make those adjustments himself to be able to play in tune.  And some instruments are more prone to stay in tune than others, so a good musician will check his tuning and make fine adjustments as needed over the course of a performance.

Similarly, the law doesn’t fix what’s wrong — it merely shows us where we’re out of line.  It’s up to us to seek God’s help and bring the sour notes of our lives into conformance with His standard as often as it takes.

Buying a Stairway to Heaven?
So what’s the goal?  Is it possible to get to Heaven by being a good boy and obeying the moral law? Nope.  Following the law won’t put you in a relationship with God any more than being great at tuning will secure you a spot on the tour bus.

Tuning is an important aspect of musicianship — as obeying God is an important part of living as his follower — but music is much more than being in tune.  It’s about the relationship of melody, harmony and rhythm, and the expressiveness among the players in the band.  Spiritually speaking, God has made a place in His family band for you through the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus if you’ll accept this gift.  Relationship is greater than rules.  Grace is greater than law.

One more thing: In the band I’m in, everybody has his own tuner.  When something’s out, we all know it, but each band member tunes his own instrument.

So how about you?  In what ways are you imprisoned by rules and rule-keeping?  What do you need to help you sort this out and get free?  Add your comments below.