While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

About the painting:  This is “Saint Joseph and the Infant Christ” painted by Baciccio — also known as Giovanni Battista Gaulli.  I love this portrayal of Joseph — his expression conveys such love, wonder and reverence.  What genuine nobility!  What a man!  

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.

In a recent post, I explained why I’m skeptical of cryptocurrencies — even though I am optimistic about the potential for blockchain technology and its offshoots to create genuine value. This time, I’d like to provide a brief overview of the Bible’s teaching about money.

My pastor likes to explain that Jesus spoke more about money than he did about Heaven and Hell combined. If God came down in the flesh and told you how to regard money properly, you’d listen, right? Well He did. So in the spirit of news you can use, here are ten scriptural principles to help you view money the way God does:

• Money follows faithfulness – In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus wraps up the Sermon on the Mount by reminding his followers that God is a good Father who knows how to take care of His creation. He instructs us not to live and die by what we own, what we eat, or what we wear, instead He tells us to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness. Then, He says, all the things we need will follow (Matthew 6:33).
• Put God first – The Old Testament prophet Malachi chastised the people of God for keeping the finest of their produce for themselves while bringing God their leftovers. The principle and practice of the tithe — giving the first tenth of one’s increase to God — has always been an acid test of one’s faith and devotion. Malachi delivered God’s challenge to his people to test Him by bringing the full tenth and see whether He would, in return, bless them beyond their faithfulness. This challenge remains for us as well. Jesus commended the tithe in the New Testament, even as He corrected the Pharisees for their hard hearts.
• God is God — money is… not – Jesus taught that only God was worthy of our worship. Although we can use money in powerful ways, it has no power of its own. People can and do get confused about this, though. Jesus taught that a man can’t serve two masters, because He’ll end up loving one and hating the other. If money is the rival master, the one who loves it can end up hating God (Luke 16:13).
• It’s not wrong to be smart about money – Jesus told the parable of shrewd manager — a story about a soon-to-be-fired employee who offered to settle his friends’ debts at a discount. In doing this, he delivered a benefit to his soon-to-be-former boss, but he also earned the favor of his friends, and the admiration of Jesus. Look what Jesus said about this man’s  actions:
  The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.” Luke 16:8-9 (NIV)
  
• Money is morally neutral – Money is neither good nor bad in itself. It’s simply a tool — an efficient means of exchange that one can use to accomplish good or evil ends. Ah, but what about that “money is the root of all evil” thing? Isn’t that in the Bible? No, it isn’t. What the Apostle Paul wrote is this: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” – 1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV)
• Invest in the Kingdom of God – When he teaches on stewardship and giving, my pastor likes to quote the old saying, “You can’t take it with you.” But he adds, “You can send it ahead.” Jesus said we shouldn’t be as concerned about amassing a fortune here on earth. Instead He instructed us to “lay up treasures in Heaven.” He wouldn’t tell us to if were impossible.
  Here’s a thought on how that works: The Bible teaches that faith, hope, and love are the things that endure beyond the grave. Each of these has a relational element since each one must have an object. If so, it follows that we can use our worldly wealth to share faith, hope, and love with those who need them so desperately. In the passage from Luke above, Jesus essentially told His followers to use the resources of this world to take the maximum number of friends to Heaven with us.
• You’re meant to be generous, you know — I often quote King Solomon here. In Proverbs 16:19, the wise king says this: “Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will reward them for what they have done.” Elsewhere, in chapter 3, he says, “Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it’—when you have it with you.” And in 2 Corinthians 9, the Apostle Paul wrote, “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 (ESV)
• Debt is OK only if you’re into being a slave — I realize some financial advisers will talk to you about what they call “good debt.” I’m here to tell you there is only debt and you should avoid it. Consider that Americans owe $830 Billion in credit card debt, and nearly $1.5 Trillion in student loan debt, and then consider that nobody can force you to take out a loan. But once you agree to their terms, your creditors can force you to pay — and at rates that can cripple you. When someone else is telling you what you must do with your own money, you aren’t free. Quoting King Solomon again: “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7 (NIV). I’ve been there and done that, and I plan to live within my means from now on. If you’re among the millions who owe billions and trillions, check out Dave Ramsey. He’s helped lots of people change their habits and become debt-free.
  
• Prosperity and poverty aren’t measures of your status before God – Righteous people fall on hard times. Wicked people sometimes prosper. You’ll drive yourself mad trying to ferret out what you must have done wrong every time the stock market goes down. That’s a little like saying God is displeased when the tide goes out or the moon wanes. Jesus said, “For (God) makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” – Matthew 5:45b (ESV) And we haven’t discussed the Old Testament stories of Joseph and Job, or all the hardships the Apostle Paul endured for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus. Try imprisoned, beaten, stoned, shipwrecked, slandered, and snake-bit as a sample — and then tell me he lacked faith or faithfulness to unleash God’s fountain of prosperity.
• It all belongs to God – God, as creator of the cosmos, is its sovereign ruler. As Dutch theologian and statesman Abraham Kuyper said, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, Mine!” That includes your wallet, dude — and mine. If I have money, assets, talents, or connections, I am to hold them as a steward, and use them profitably to honor and glorify God.

I like what the Methodists used to teach about money: earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can. That’s your takeaway from my post. A last thought from Luke 16. Jesus says,

“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. ¹¹ So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? ¹² And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?” Luke 16: 10-11 (NIV).

So how about you? In what ways do you need to adjust your thinking about money? How can you use the resources you have to expand God’s kingdom? Add your comments below.

In honor of Veterans Day, a heartfelt word of thanks to all of you who have served or are serving in America’s armed forces.  Thank you for your willingness to train, to suffer hardship, to experience separation from your loved ones, and to put your life at risk for your countrymen.

My late father-in-law was a veteran of World War II,  He was one of four brothers, all of whom were drafted away from their family farm in rural Tennessee.

After completing his training, he became a Technical Sergeant in the Army Air Corps — the precursor to the US Air Force.   His responsibilities included making in-flight repairs and serving as a waist gunner aboard a B-24 Liberator bomber in the European theater, as part of the Mighty Eighth Air Force.

Like many men of his generation, he rarely talked about his experiences during the war, downplaying the danger and his role.  “It was late in the war by the time I got over there,” he always said.   Once when my grandmother asked if he had ever been to Germany, he gave a slight smile and said, “No, but I’ve been over it.”

Following the war, he returned to the farm for a while before enrolling in Tennessee Tech on the GI Bill.  Following his graduation from college, he earned a doctorate in agronomy and genetics from the University of Wisconsin.

With his PhD, he took a position as a research agronomist with the US Department of Agriculture and was assigned to a research station at a large state university.  He worked there the rest of his career, developing numerous soybean cultivars that fed millions and teaching graduate students from around the world.

As distinguished as his career was, he was also a devoted husband and father, raising my wife and her siblings in a godly household.

Over the past dozen years or so, we have seen popular sentiment regarding military service return to an appropriate level of respect and gratitude.  This is as it should be.

At the same time, I hear and read some people saying that the US is no longer worthy of such devotion or service.  I am not here to argue for or against — especially not with those who have served.  On this occasion, however, I want to commend those who, like my father-in-law, saw their duty, did it and came home to build an exemplary life.  This is still a county that produces such men.  That is worth preserving.

So how about you?   What lessons did you learn from your own military service, or that of your friends or family members?  How are you using that wisdom to be your best?  Add your comments below.

“It shouldn’t have happened.” Those were my wife’s words on Sunday, October 8 — the day she and her siblings, our nephew, and I said goodbye to their mother, his grandmother, my mother-in-law. “It shouldn’t have happened. But it did.”

Just the facts, ma’am

My mother-in-law, Carolyn, and stepfather-in-law, Jack, were in their car Thursday afternoon, October 5, when a truck in the oncoming lane crossed the center line and hit them head-on. Both of them survived the crash but were badly injured and were rushed to the nearest trauma center. Both were conscious when they arrived, by helicopter and ambulance, respectively. And each was asking how the other was  — not about himself or herself. Family rushed to the ICU where they were in rooms next door to each other, to watch, to pray, to let them each know we were there.

Surgical rounds in a trauma ICU are frank. The trauma surgeon explains how the patient came by her injuries, and then lists them along with what they are doing already and what they plan to do next. My mother-in law’s condition had to stabilize before the surgeon could do anything else.

The next morning, Carolyn was stable, but too frail for surgery. At 3:00 Sunday morning, her heart stopped. Although the nurses were able to restore her pulse, it became clear her heart just couldn’t meet the demands her injuries placed on it, We were going to have to say goodbye.  And at 7:22 that morning, after each of us there had a few moments alone with her, Carolyn Lakes entered the Larger life.

In loving memory

I’m telling you these things for reasons I hope to make clear, but I want this to be a tribute to the wonderful woman who was my mother-in-law. Comedians and musicians have long made fun of the fraught relationship between a husband and his wife’s mother. I never got those jokes. From the first time I met Carolyn, when Mrs. Booth and I were dating and already serious, she was always welcoming and gracious. And through the nearly 32 years of our marriage, she was loving and supportive and never a giver of unsolicited advice.

Twenty-one years ago, when her beloved husband of 41 years died of cancer, I began telling her, “Come to our house whenever you like. Stay as long as you want.” I meant it, and she knew it. But she had made me feel welcome first, so it was easy to return the favor.

It was around that time that I first expressed my gratitude to her for the godly upbringing she and my father-in-law gave to my wife, her brother, and her sisters. That has been the greatest and most lasting gift from this most loving, generous and faithful woman.

Let me count the ways

If you’ll indulge me, I want to recount some of the things I loved most about my mother-in-law.

• Devoted – Carolyn loved God with her heart, soul, mind, and strength. She served her husband, her family, and her church throughout her life. I expect I’ll always remember the bustling kitchen at holidays, the stacks of books in the family room, and the swarms of people who greeted her in the parish hall after Sunday worship. Her love for God gave her a contagious love for people — and they loved her back.
• Active – Music was a big part Carolyn’s life, and she passed that on to her children and grandchildren. She sang in the church choir for years, and joined a community chorus that performed in the Czech Republic. She remained curious and read and listened daily. It was always interesting to discuss politics or theology with her. She took her positions carefully and argued them with vigor, but never took herself too seriously.
• Joyous – There was never anyone in the family more pleased than my mother-in-law to see the whole family together — laughing, telling stories, and sharing a meal she had prepared. She doted on her grandchildren, and was so proud of each of them. Her gentle laugh was never at anyone’s expense — except for that one time when my sister-in-law’s husband came to visit with two right shoes. He gamely wore them to church and when he knelt at the altar rail, the soles of his feet looked like quotation marks. She laughed ’til she cried — we all did.
• Determined – After she became a widow, she didn’t retreat from life. Instead, she got in her car and drove from Florida to New England and points in between to visit family. She did this multiple times over the years.
• Brave – She had already beaten breast cancer, and when doctors diagnosed her with macular degeneration that threatened her sight, she agreed to try a new therapy that required getting injections into her eyeballs. i kid you not! This was one courageous woman. And always a lady.
• Open to new things – She met and married my stepfather-in-law, Jack, when she was eighty. As unlikely as it sounds, it was the most wonderful love story. It was beautiful the way they loved each other and cared for each other. She stunned her family by becoming a dog person! And she adapted her love of travel to Jack’s passion for RV camping. They went all over — including traveling up to our son’s wedding a few months ago.

I’ve written before on the topic “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain.” In those posts I meant that a man can’t just marry a girl and act like she has no ties. The home she comes from is a big part of your future happiness, so pay attention to those family dynamics. If you believe as I do that marriage is a covenant, you’re pledging to stay together until death parts you. A quarrelsome wife and or a quarrelsome mother-in-law are two burdens you can avoid. And a good relationship with your wife’s family is a blessing and a delight. My wonderful mother-in-law Was proof that it can be done.

I am grateful for the woman Carolyn is, for the home my wife grew up in, for the example of Christian character she modeled before us, for the way she loved my father-in-law, for the way she loved Jack, and for the many ways she loved us. I am thankful we will know each other in eternity and celebrate and remember.

Epilogue

Jack remained in intensive care, until the day of Carolyn’s funeral a month after her death. Jack was able to attend the service before committing to the physical therapy he needed to recover from his injuries. He moved from the home he and Carolyn shared and now lives in a nearby senior living community. He and all of our family would appreciate your prayers.

After Carolyn passed away, Tom Petty’s song “Wildflowers” kept playing in my head. I can’t explain it, but I have found it comforting and hopeful to listen to it. Given that Tom Petty and my mother-in-law had Gainesville, Florida, in common, and that they died within a week of each other, it seems fitting that I offer the following:

So how about you? Whom in your life would you like to honor or remember? Add your comments below.

“Whoever digs a pit will fall into it,and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.” — Proverbs 26:27 (ESV)

By now you may have already heard about the news story broken by Rolling Stone magazine — a horrific tale of a brutal sexual assault on a female first-year student that allegedly took place in a fraternity house on the University of Virginia’s grounds.  From there it got worse, as the story alleged that the victim’s friends discouraged her from notifying the police, and that the university’s response when the victim came forward was, shall we say, inadequate.  However, in the unforgiving glare caused by the unfavorable publicity, UVA’s president suspended all fraternity activities until further notice.  There’s just one thing: the story printed in Rolling Stone wasn’t accurate.

Somebody should blow the whistle

Why talk about what didn’t happen?*

Two reasons: 1)  Young men need to understand the times in which they live — recognizing that some accusations are, in the minds of some journalists, too good to research.  And 2) Young men need to make sure their conduct is above reproach in every circumstance — and never more so than in their dealings with women.

Far from calling for an unthinking return to chivalry, this is a call for self awareness, self respect and self control.  If you are committed to maintaining a life of integrity, you will want to avoid even the appearance of wrongdoing.  This will not only preserve your reputation — and hers — but it will also help to shield you from the sorts of accusations being lobbed on college campuses these days.

As shocking as it may seem, there is no longer a presumption of innocence on many college campuses.  And many institutions of higher learning have done away with due process — eliminating, for example, the right of legal representation, of cross-examination, or even that of confronting one’s accuser.  Even if you’ve done no such thing, being on the receiving end of a rape accusation can nuke your college career for keeps.

Time-honored wisdom

Recently, I published a post regarding King Solomon’s advice to young men regarding the forbidden woman.  Here’s more wisdom from this ancient king:

“As I stood at the window of my house looking out through the shutters, Watching the mindless crowd stroll by, I spotted a young man without any sense Arriving at the corner of the street where she lived, then turning up the path to her house. It was dusk, the evening coming on, the darkness thickening into night. Just then, a woman met him— she’d been lying in wait for him, dressed to seduce him. Brazen and brash she was, restless and roaming, never at home, Walking the streets, loitering in the mall, hanging out at every corner in town.

“She threw her arms around him and kissed him, boldly took his arm and said, “I’ve got all the makings for a feast— today I made my offerings, my vows are all paid, So now I’ve come to find you, hoping to catch sight of your face—and here you are! I’ve spread fresh, clean sheets on my bed, colorful imported linens. My bed is aromatic with spices and exotic fragrances. Come, let’s make love all night, spend the night in ecstatic lovemaking! My husband’s not home; he’s away on business, and he won’t be back for a month.

“Soon she has him eating out of her hand, bewitched by her honeyed speech. Before you know it, he’s trotting behind her, like a calf led to the butcher shop, Like a stag lured into ambush and then shot with an arrow, Like a bird flying into a net not knowing that its flying life is over.

“So, friends, listen to me, take these words of mine most seriously. Don’t fool around with a woman like that; don’t even stroll through her neighborhood. Countless victims come under her spell; she’s the death of many a poor man. She runs a halfway house to hell, fits you out with a shroud and a coffin.”  Proverbs 7:6-27 (The Message)

We should take a moment to state categorically that some — but not all —  men do assault women. But we also must acknowledge that some — but not all — women lie and lob false accusations. In biblical language this is called bearing false witness (testifying falsely) against one’s neighbor. Taken with the cultural Marxist project to destroy men, a man under such suspicion cannot count on a fair hearing in the media. Hence this discussion about journalistic malpractice by Rolling Stone.

We’ve talked before about leading in the context of relationships — how you should set the tone and be the gatekeeper.  In this way, it’s on you to ensure you and your female companion are not in situations that will even appear illicit.  In the passage above, Solomon is saying the young man should not have allowed himself to be seduced.  This is my advice to you, too.

Understand that apart from marriage, the boundaries are blurry.  What you think is mutual consent could turn out to be an accusation that ruins your life.  No momentary pleasure is worth that.

Epilogue:  

To their credit the magazine, embarrassed,  pulled the story — all 10,000 words of it — apologizing for not researching the claims of the alleged victim more thoroughly.  Despite the retraction of this story, UVA did not reinstate fraternity activities with anything near the speed with which they suspended them.

So how about you?  How are you taking care to mind your reputation in the dating arena?  Add your comments below.

*Just because Rolling Stone’s account can’t withstand scrutiny, that doesn’t prove the young woman wasn’t assaulted.

“Marriage is the graduate school of service.” – Pastor David Chadwick

I’ve made no secret of my belief in marriage. Mrs. Booth and I have been married for nearly 32 years, with the struggles and joys that come with being married that long. It has been and is a great thing and I love being married to my wife.

And I admit that the climate for marriage in the west is hostile in many ways. From taxes that penalize marriage economically, to family courts that incentivize women to file for divorce from their husbands, to cultural Marxist feminism that seeks to destroy “the patriarchy” by destroying men, there is plenty of evidence to support a man’s decision not to marry. But let’s revisit one of my favorite axioms:

Abuse doesn’t invalidate use.

Marriage is to be kept pure…

The occasions when men commit murder with hammers doesn’t justify banning hammers or outlawing carpentry. The widespread misuse of the institution of marriage — from cohabitation and out-of-wedlock births, through frivolous no-fault divorce — doesn’t mean that marriage has forfeited its divine purpose.

Back to the beginning

If we look to the creation narrative in the second chapter of the Old Testament book of Genesis, we see that God had created the universe, placing man, whom he had made in his own image, at the top of the created order. God pronounced it good. But when he saw that he had made suitable mates for all the other creatures except man, God said, “it is not good that man should be alone.”

After evaluating every other type of creature and not finding a mate, a companion, a wife for the man, Adam, God did something remarkable. He put Adam to sleep and took flesh and bone from his side, making from them a woman, whom Adam called Eve. Note that up to this point, Adam was the bearer of the full imago dei — the image of God. In this, Adam reflected masculinity and femininity as God does. But when God created Eve to be Adam’s helper, his (in Hebrew) ezer kenegdo — literally his “life saver” — God split into two parts the imago dei, investing maleness and masculine strength in the man and investing femaleness and feminine beauty and tenderness in the woman. This is important, because Genesis 2:24-25 says this:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

This one-flesh union, this intimate knowing, free of guilt and shame is the heart of marriage.

Breaking it down

Note the lack of self-consciousness and self-regard in this first marriage. Their nakedness and vulnerability was not something to exploit for advantage, rather it was open and generous. It cannot have been otherwise, as the one-flesh union would not have existed if Adam had not given himself to Eve, and Eve had not given herself to her husband.

Now it’s broken down

Have you noticed in our culture’s stories how marital sex is nearly always portrayed as a chore to be avoided, while affairs and other forms of sexual behavior appear exciting?  If I say the word monogamy, do you regard the concept as a positive or a negative one? Why? If you’re married, did your friends try to talk you out of it, citing the endless novelty of hookups compared to loving one woman for life? Part of this inversion is the distortion of our world through sin. So a loyal wife seems boring to her husband, compared to the women at his office, and an aloof cad is seemingly irresistible compared to a wife’s dependable husband.  This is why King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 9:16, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But note this: Just because a forbidden thing is appealing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t avoid it. (See also poison mushrooms.)

Reacquiring the trail

If you dread the idea of marriage, in the present or the future, I want to encourage you to re-establish a biblical view of marriage. First, note that biblical marriage is a covenant rather than a contract. This is not a legal instrument between two consenting parties that can be broken at will. Among God’s people, a covenant is a binding, irrevocable joining between God and his people. There are obligations, but failure to perform doesn’t justify an exit.

It is true that you have the duty of spiritual headship, and the responsibility to shepherd, protect, and provide for your wife and children, and those obligations demand lifelong faithfulness. It is also true that you can expect to enjoy the marriage bed — sex — with your wife and the two of you have a responsibility to maintain this aspect of your marriage — especially when kiddos enter the picture. Check out Proverbs 5:15-19 for just one biblical encouragement in this area.

The ratio

Before Mrs. Booth and I married, an older friend took me aside and said, “I know you think marriage is a 50/50 proposition. It isn’t. It’s 100/100. It takes both of you giving it 100% for it to work.” I have learned that friend was 100% correct. And this brings us to service.

A generous spirit requires bravery

An unpleasant aspect of our times is the wariness that leads to near-constant score-keeping. We are willing to give, as long as we get, but heaven help the one who takes and never gives. Does that sound familiar? In marriage, we have to overcome the fear and serve each other generously. Even if you’re afraid you won’t get anything out of it, serve.

In Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus, the apostle instructed wives to submit to their husbands, but he instructed husbands to love their wives the way Christ loved the church. In case you’re unfamiliar with the story, he died for her. Obviously, marriage is one of those things where you must be present to win, so what does this sacrificial service look like in the realm of mortals?

Here’s an example

In the fewest words, it means put others first. If you do this, God notices. And He is able to reward you. But I promised you an example.

If you haven’t seen the video for Andra Day’s song Rise Up, it’s a great portrayal of loving service in the context of marriage. Please watch this now. I’ll wait

This video, directed by M. Night Shyamalan, conveys so much truth, and Andra Day’s vocal performance drives it home. Note the wife pouring out her life for the husband who can no longer hold her. Though her reward would seem slight compared to what she — and he — expected when they first married, this is a shining example of loving and giving 100%.

And notice, also, how the husband doesn’t quit, either. He gives the strength he has, and she appreciates it. Good art with a true message!

Not just true in stories

You may argue that Shyamalan could tell the story any way he wants, and that the video is a made-up story. Fair enough, but I have a pastor friend whose wife has Multiple Sclerosis and he serves his wife in the same manner. He cares for her and loves her like Christ loves the church — the way he promised to when they wed. And he’s not the only man I know who has cared for his wife this way. I have written before about old-school wedding vows, and this is where they prove their worth.

I know there is great risk in getting married these days. The statistics, as we’ve noted, are grim. But it is also possible to find godly, virtuous women who want to be married to godly and masculine spiritual leaders. So for God’s sake (literally), lead, love, and serve. Your children need the stability that only a covenant marriage can provide them.

God would not have commanded this of husbands if men weren’t capable of doing it. If you aren’t that sort of man yet, stick around and learn how to be one. Or message me and let’s start a discussion.

It is not good for the man to be alone, but it also important to marry the kind of woman who will stick by you — and by whom you’ll stick — when the storms come. It can be done!

So how about you? How are you leading and serving in your marriage, or preparing to lead and serve in your marriage? Add your comments below.

“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

Men:  We have to talk about sex. If there’s one area where this generation is stuck, this is it.

The Water Was Dirty Before You Got In

Now, before you conclude that I’m pointing my finger at you, please realize that the Boomer cohort gave us the sexual revolution and rampant divorce, and the Gen X cohort was equally careless about sex and marriage.  But it’s even worse than that.  These are the guys who grew up to convince you that everyone but you was sexually active, to urge the women you know to emulate the worst of promiscuous men, and to offer you pornography pretty much anywhere and anytime — and all so they could separate you from your money.  If you want poor examples, the generations ahead of you are shot through with them.

Applying wisdom — that’s a horse of a different color!

So if you’re a typical American male, you were probably exposed to pornography somewhere around age ten.  But even if you didn’t see any sexually explicit magazines, videos or websites in your youth, you’ve been awash in a culture that has turned sex into a commodity devoid of any spiritual significance.  As a man who has spent much of his career in and around sales, I say it’s lazy to use sex to sell.  As bad as that is, it’s worse to be so checked out that you allow it to influence you.  There is a better way.

Meet King Solomon

In the Old Testament (that’s the first 39 books of the Bible), we meet a king named Solomon.  He was the son of King David and Bathsheba (there’s a story about the misuse of sex, right there).  When Solomon succeeded his father as the king of Israel, God told Solomon to ask him for anything.  In reply, Solomon asked for wisdom to govern God’s people.  This pleased God and he promised Solomon that no one would be wiser or more honored than he.

In addition to building the Temple in Jerusalem, Solomon reportedly had 1,000 wives and concubines.  (Here I should point out that just because the Bible describes something, it does not prescribe it.)  Solomon is also credited with several books of the Bible — Ecclesiastes, The Song of Solomon, and Proverbs.  And that brings us to the purpose of this post.

In Proverbs 5 Solomon writes this:

My son, be attentive to my wisdom;

incline your ear to my understanding,

that you may keep discretion,

and your lips may guard knowledge.

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil,

but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,

sharp as a two-edged sword.

Her feet go down to death;

her steps follow the path to Sheol;

she does not ponder the path of life;

her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me,

and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her,

and do not go near the door of her house,

lest you give your honor to others

and your years to the merciless,

lest strangers take their fill of your strength,

and your labors go to the house of a foreigner,

and at the end of your life you groan,

when your flesh and body are consumed,

and you say, “How I hated discipline,

and my heart despised reproof!

I did not listen to the voice of my teachers

or incline my ear to my instructors.”

Be the Gatekeeper

What Difference Does It Make?

The Rest of The Story

It Isn’t Easy

So how about you?  How are you applying God’s wisdom to help you lead a chaste life?  Add your comments below.

“My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth. So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor’s hands: Go—to the point of exhaustion— and give your neighbor no rest! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.” – Proverbs 6: 1-5 (NIV)

In a recent post, I touched on the link between latter-day activism and the psychological/emotional needs of Identity, Stimulation, and Security. In that post, I explained that popular causes attract the bored and and the aggrieved — as well as the true believers — and I argued that activism meets the psychological needs by creating a tribal identity, stimulation through anticipation and action, and security in belonging. I also explained that this is neither good nor bad in itself — the worthiness comes from the rightness of the cause. This is somewhat tricky, since we human beings seem to be rationalizers, rather than the rational actors we imagine that we are.

You may have to put your foot down…

The plumbline

In construction, the straightness of a wall has significant influence on the structural integrity of the building. Leaning or crooked walls don’t bear as much weight and their failure can cause a calamity. This is why builders use a plumbline — an external reference that does not care about the builder’s feelings. The wall is either plumb (straight), or it isn’t. When we are lending our name, our money, and our time to any cause, we should take care to evaluate its aims and claims against an outside standard — as objective as possible.

Not everything that feels good is good

You know this, but not every stranger that stops to help you in a big city is seeking your well-being. Causes are like that too. People with agendas do not ever seem to tire of enlisting people of good reputation to add the latter’s halo effect to the former’s cause. The church also has to be on guard against being co-opted by political parties — left or right — since Jesus said His kingdom is not of this world. If even the church isn’t immune, you need to be on guard as well. I recommend being a reluctant joiner — at least until you can make an informed decision regarding how involved you want to be. Then you should beware of being used.

Over the years I’ve become much more skeptical and selective about what or whom I’ll endorse. That’s what getting burned a few (dozen) times will teach you.

The Who sang about it.

Here’s a trip to the poetry (OK, lyrics) corner.

“We’ll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgment of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

If you’re active on behalf of a cause, may I suggest you measure it according to the plumbline of scripture. Does the Bible speak to the cause and the methods the group uses? Does it endorse or condemn those methods?

I also recommend asking yourself what the realization of the cause’s stated goals would look like. If you’re engaged in eliminating child poverty in your city, for example, how will you define success? How will you measure it? If you’re active in politics, how would the full implementation of your preferred policies affect your family? your neighborhood? your city? Are the effects positive? What are the harms? What would come next?

Please understand that I am for passion and for getting involved. The world needs the energy and creativity of passionate people — the world needs you to play the man. Part of the reason I write this blog is because I see conditions causing people to suffer, and I want to change those conditions. Again, all I’m advocating is making sure that any issue to which you lend your time, your money, and or your good name is a noble and worthy one.

So how about you? – How are you planning to live without being co-opted by an ism? Add your comments below.

“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell

In a previous post, I explained the debt a man owes to his employer. (If you weren’t paying attention then, you can read it here.) In that post I presented a general rule that employees should find a way to say yes to every reasonable request from a boss, provided the request isn’t illegal, unethical, or immoral. However I also explained that there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to say no, even when doing so brings negative consequences.

Saying no can lead to consequences. Daniel Cast to the Lions from “The Bible and its Story” published in 1908. Public domain

Enter Daniel

In the Old Testament book of Daniel, we see the story of a young man of Judah who was taken captive along with three of his friends by King Nebuchadnezzar and forcibly resettled in Babylon. Some scholars disagree on this point, but since Daniel and his colleagues reported to the king’s chief eunuch, it is not out of the question that these young men were castrated as part of their captivity. Not exactly the “onboarding” or the welcome a new hire would wish for.

The king assigned the best of these young men to study the history and culture of the Babylonians for three years, and upon passing their tests, to serve as wise men and seers in the royal court. Part of this preparation included eating the food and drinking the wine that Nebuchadnezzar himself ate — food that was ritually unclean for devout Hebrews.

Daniel had a dilemma. He could displease God by violating the ceremonial law, or he could displease a tyrant by refusing his hospitality — a capital offense. Instead of offending, he asked if he and his devout friends could eat vegetables and drink water instead. When the chief eunuch protested that he would receive the king’s wrath if Daniel fared poorly, Daniel suggested a ten-day trial. When he and his fellow test subjects exhibited better health and a better appearance, Daniel received permission to continue eating consistent with the law of God.

Along the way, Daniel and his friends — who received the Babylonian names Belteshazzar, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego — received honor and promotions as they remained faithful to God even as they served in the court of Nebuchadnezzar and the rulers who succeeded him.

Thrown to the Lions

A quirk of tyrants and other absolute rulers is that they tend to overestimate their greatness. In Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar created an idol in his image and sought to punish anyone who failed to worship it. After Nebuchadnezzar’s son Belshazzar fell to Darius the Mede, Darius himself tended to grandiosity.

To be fair to Darius, some advisers who were jealous of Daniel sought to eliminate him by tricking Darius into signing a ban on prayer or petition to any god or man but the king. Under Medo-Persian law, a decree signed by the king was irrevocable. The conniving officials knew that Daniel was pious, and they spied on him as he prayed three times a day to the God of Israel. When the corrupt schemers reported Daniel’s disregard to the king, Darius tried unsuccessfully to amend his decree, but with regrets he ultimately kept the law. As decreed, he threw Daniel to the lions, covering the den with a large stone and affixing it with the royal seal and left him there overnight.

Lessons from Daniel

I’ve listed some of the principles that I have adopted based on the life of Daniel:

Propose an alternative – Daniel acted constructively to resolve the dilemma over eating unclean foods. When you’re faced with a task or duty that violates your conscience, this is a possible course of action. In the US, employment law requires reasonable accommodation for religious restrictions.

Present your results – Daniel mustered the facts and showed the benefits of his proposed dietary alternative. Your boss may not share your beliefs, but if the results are clear, only a micro-manager would find fault.

Perform in every area – In all other aspects of his work, Daniel came through without compromise. Look, not every task is going to be pleasant, but not every task is a moral quandary either. Seek to learn constantly, and seek to excel in every aspect of your work — especially the parts you like least.

Profess the truth – One thing you’ll notice about Daniel is that in every face-to-face encounter with the king, he pointed consistently to the sovereignty of the Living God. I think if I had been imprisoned, taken from my home, and emasculated, I would find it easy to be bitter and non-compliant. Daniel overcame all those circumstances, told the truth always, and served as an adviser to four kings. In addition, God let Daniel know that he was “greatly loved.”

Persist – When you know the right thing to do, make sure you do it. Don’t shade the truth. Don’t pretend to go along to avoid the consequences. Throughout his story, Daniel didn’t waver. This is what integrity looks like.

Prepare to endure the consequences – When you know that remaining faithful — to God, your conscience, and your principles — will put you at odds with your employer, accept the consequences. Daniel did not protest or fight his being thrown to the lions, but God delivered him from being eaten. Not so the traitors who conspired to trap Daniel.

One last rule of thumb

I know I’ve said it before, but the brightest line for determining whether or not a boss’s request calls for a rejection is this:
If he commands what God forbids or forbids what God commands, do not comply. That was where Daniel dug in, faced certain death, and survived.

So how about you? How are you preparing to live with integrity in your workplace? Add your comments below.