The more observant and the more regular readers among you may have noticed that I have not been posting according to my usual , mid-week schedule. After four-and-a-half years, I have entered a season where the demands of career and family have required more of my attention, leaving me less time to devote to creating readable blog posts on topics I hope you’ll find interesting. I hold myself to a high standard on things like this, so publishing a post whenever I get around to it just seems wrong to me.

I don’t think it is time to quit the blog altogether, but I am going to take the next few months and not add new posts or re-post old ones. Given the circumstances, I don’t know how long of a hiatus this will turn out to be, but I do intend to resume.

During this time, I plan to focus on the needs of my family and to be more present where I am needed right now. While I’m doing this, I hope to be inspired to write on new topics and to continue the discussion to encourage you — and me — toward Thriving Authentic Masculinity.

If you’re in the habit of checking in here from time to time, please note that I have published 307 posts including this one — and some of them are really good. If you haven’t read them in a while, please enjoy them again.

I will keep the lights on here, and I will respond to comments and direct messages, so play nice ’til I get back.

If you’re a praying man, please include my family and me in your prayers. We’re in God’s hands and we are seeking His face, so ultimately we will be fine. We just need wisdom as we navigate.

“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.
– Proverbs 22: 29 (ESV)

When I was a graduate student, the Institute had a series of guest lectures intended to enhance and broaden our thinking.  Attendance was mandatory.

I can’t recall all the topics, but they ranged from Creativity to Ethics to building a successful career.  It’s this last that I want to share with you.

This one goes up to 12! Crank up your career by learning from the ones who went before you.

Dr. Louis T. Rader held a doctorate in electrical engineering and was retired from General Electric.  Following his retirement from GE, he taught in the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business.

His dress was conservative and his manner of speech was direct, and he had what military veterans would call command presence.  His no-nonsense demeanor and delivery, however, belied the wit that made his words to us that day so memorable.

He spoke to us for some time about his own experiences as a young manager and then he shared some principles for career success he called “Rader’s Rules.”  Here, to the best of my memory, is what he offered us:

1.  Never run out of money — it’s a quick way to lose confidence.

2.  There can be no compromise between a poor player and a great organization.

3.  Good calculus won’t cover poor math.

4. If you play games with people, people will play games with you.

5. The sum of all expenses must be less than the sum of all revenues.

6.  The man who goes to bed early to save the cost of a candle will wake up the father of twins.

7.  It’s hard to lead a large organization from a subordinate position.

8. As long as you remain in neutral, you can only go where you’re pushed.

9. You can’t sell the second if you can’t sell the first.

10. When the quarterback says go around left end, you go around left end.

11. Anybody off the street can run a business at a loss.

12. Statistics are for losers.

13. If you don’t get the facts, the facts will get you.

This is an incomplete listing, but I offer this as food for thought for you.  If you are in the early years of your career, or are seeking to begin it, there is great wisdom in these eight phrases.  So much wisdom, in fact, I continue to apply these axioms as I continue to navigate my career decades in.

Please note the theme of integrity that runs through these sayings.  Each of us owes it to himself and to his employer to view himself, the company where he works and his circumstances clearly.  As famed stage magician Teller says, “The biggest lie is the one you tell yourself.”

Note also the emphasis on getting the fundamentals down.  Your talent may get you into a meeting, but a weak handshake or a lack of eye contact may sink your chances.  Or to use another example, you may have gotten the order, but is it profitable?

My personal favorite is rule number 6.  Taking shortcuts or falling for the false economy invariably creates unintended consequences that cost more in the long run.

I hope these will stick with you the way they have with me.

So how about you?  What’s the best career advice you’ve received?  Add your comments below.

Note: A hat tip to Walter Curt, a former associate of Dr. Rader’s for providing some more of Rader’s Rules.

When it’s too tough for everybody else, it’s just right for me. – Anonymous

In an earlier post, I argued that hardship shapes character. This time, I want to develop that idea further.

Would you believe me if I said you need a battle to fight? An adversary? A foil? Think about it: every great story — in order to be a story at all — has to have conflict. The protagonist finds himself pitted against another man, against nature, against God, or even against himself. The story doesn’t begin until the conflict comes into view.

Ok, you say, that’s great for stories, but why do I need a battle in my life? Lots of reasons — not least of which is you need stimulation in order to thrive. Without a conflict, you’d be mentally stunted and die of boredom! But there are other evidences that prove our need for adversity.

You need to find yours when the world turns upside down

Babies and birth

The passage through the birth canal helps newborns to thrive. The birth process is an ordeal for mother and baby, and it is vitally necessary.

I recently learned that babies born via c-section receive fewer beneficial microorganisms than children born vaginally, and it takes them longer to develop equivalent immune function. Sure removing babies surgically is less strenuous, but it’s not as good for the mother or the baby.

Butterflies

We’re all aware of the metamorphosis from caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly. But did you know that the emerging butterfly needs to struggle free of the chrysalis to be able to form flight-worthy wings? It’s true. The effort of extricating itself from the cocoon forces hemolymph into the channels of the wings, giving them the needed shape. Take away the  struggle and the circulation doesn’t happen, resulting in malformed and useless wings.

Bodybuilders

We’ve talked about this before. If you want to build a sculpted physique, there are no shortcuts. Sure you can apply intelligence to increase your exercise efficiency and effectiveness, but you’re still going to have to put in the time doing the right work consistently and in the right way.

Soldiers, sailors, and marines

Each branch of the service has its own boot camp — that period of time when raw recruits are forged into warriors. The adversarial model of instruction subjects the candidate to physical and emotional stress to cultivate strength, endurance, and resilience, since there are no time outs in combat. The harshness of this type of initiation also weeds out the merely interested from the deeply committed.

When you are facing opposition, try asking yourself how badly you want what’s on the other side of that obstacle.

Astronauts

If you crave the frictionless, zero-gravity life, please note that astronauts have to simulate earth’s gravity in space to avoid becoming worthless in this world when they return. The reason is that earthlings’ bones and muscles are suited to the load placed on them by gravity. Remove that base layer of resistance, and atrophy and bone loss set in.

One counter-example

Just in case you doubt the case I’m making here, consider what becomes of children whose parents coddle them. By seeking to remove any possibility of frustration or — horrors! — tears, coddling parents destroy their children’s resilience and resourcefulness. One needs the experience and wisdom he gains by solving small problems when he is small, so that his capacity grows with him.

Scars are stories — ask Shakespeare

Difficult times leave their marks — some physical, some psychic — but they all tell stories. In Shakespeare’s Henry V, the young king is rallying his outnumbered men before the climactic confrontation against the French at Agincourt. In his famous monologue, Henry says:

This day is called the feast of Crispian:

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall live this day, and see old age,

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.

And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’

Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,

But he’ll remember with advantages

What feats he did that day: then shall our names.

Familiar in his mouth as household words

Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,

Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,

Be in their flowing cups freshly remember’d.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remember’d;

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition:

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.”

The wounds sustained in a valiant struggle are the seed bed of stories. And those stories are how we transfer noble character traits and/or warn against ignoble ones.

Adversity creates resilience and prepares one for the next challenge. How do I know? Because people who get wiped out don’t tackle the next challenge.

So what about you? What lessons are you extracting from your current challenges? Add your comments below.

Christmas is just around the corner.  Despite the holiday-themed TV ads that began in early November and the radio stations that started playing Christmas music around the same time, it’s possible you may have missed it.  As a friend of mine observed, “Christmas seems to come earlier every year.”

Recapture the wonder of Christmas — become part of the Advent Conspiracy

If the crass commercialization of the season has tempted you to hate Christmas like a certain Dr. Seuss character, I’d like to share with you a practice that has helped my family and me get back to the heart of Christmas.

I first heard Pastor Rick McKinley several years ago on a podcast, talking about an initiative he had started at the church he leads — Imago Dei Community in Portland, Oregon.  He called it “The Advent Conspiracy,” and it was designed to be an antidote to the consumerism that had overtaken the original message of Christmas.

Stated simply, The Advent Conspiracy consists of four ideas:

1. Worship fully
2. Spend less
3. Give more
4. Love all

Worship Fully

The true meaning of Christmas — the inescapable origin of the season — is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Where we’ve gone wrong is that we’ve allowed ourselves to become dull, relegating Jesus to the category of ancient history.

But what if we were to think about the significance of Jesus more deeply?  Consider that God made a perfect world and set humanity at the top of  the created order.  Not long after this, humanity rebelled and rejected God’s authority, bringing about God’s righteous judgment.  Sickness, death and every kind of heartache resulted from this betrayal on our part.

God could have scrapped the whole project, but since his very nature is love, He chose a people for Himself and made them a great nation.  He gave them His law to indicate they were His people, and he sent them prophets, leaders and teachers to communicate His will to them.  And when the time was right, this loving God took on human flesh — leaving the splendor of Heaven — and chose to be born into the world he created as a helpless baby.  The coming near of God and the establishment of His kingdom on earth — the hope for all humanity — is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This is why we worship for all we’re worth.

Spend Less

From the time our sons were babies, we’ve always had a budget for Christmas and stuck to it. Even so, since we’ve adopted the Advent Conspiracy, we’ve sought to spend less for gifts while increasing the value of each one.  Part of this is to designate ten percent of our Christmas budget to benevolence — that is, making it a point to do a kindness to those who have less.  Another part is to manage our expectations and intentionally limit the size of our Christmas budget.

Give more

It seems like an oxymoron to spend less and give more, but there is a way.  McKinley calls it giving presence, rather than presents.  With this idea, our gifts to family members and each other are more thoughtful and involve an experience more than an object.  For example, a few Christmases ago, my younger son gave me a deep-winter backpacking weekend.  What a splendid gift!  We shared a weekend of father-son time and made great memories.

The gift of presence is, more than anything, taking the time to give a gift that says, “I get you.  I know you.”  In this case, it really is the thought that counts.

Love All

In the same way God showed His love for the whole world in sending His son,  we look for ways to make Christmas — and life —  better for others.  Our church helps sponsor a Christmas Village Toy Store that sells new, donated toys at a steep discount to disadvantaged families so they can have the dignity of giving gifts to their own children.  The church also takes up a special Christmas Eve offering to help spread the Good News of Jesus around the world.  If you’re not affiliated with a church, you can contribute to the Salvation Army, or send Christmas cheer to kids via Operation Christmas Child.

The subtitle of the book The Advent Conspiracy is “Can Christmas Still Change The World?” I believe it can — and it starts with you and me.  A joyous Advent to you.

So how about you?  In what ways are you recovering the joy and meaning of Christmas? Add your comments below.

Where Did That Come From?
Several years ago, I was reading Dallas Willard’s Renovation of the Heart and he referred to a passage of scripture: “‘…the life that is life indeed.’ (ontos zoas, 1 Timothy 6:19).”  I have never studied Greek, but those two Greek words stuck with me.  As I mused over them, and what “life that is life indeed” really meant, I realized that one who is truly alive would be an ontozoan. * 

And the Significance of All This Is…
St. Iranaeus wrote, “The glory of God is man fully alive.”  One way of understanding this is to recognize that when a man is functioning  according to God’s design, the very fact of his existence and all that he does consistent with his purpose glorifies God.  Note that I didn’t say perfect church attendance, scripture memorization, peeing sitting down or keeping all the presets on your car radio tuned to Christian Hitz 86.8 glorifies God.  Whether or not they do has more to do with your motives and the God-ordained mission you’re here to complete.    It doesn’t always look churchy, just so you know.

Far from being a blank check to do whatever one wants to whomever one likes in whatever way one pleases, this state of being is only possible through living in harmony with God and in fulfilling one’s destiny.  And no, not everything that seems to come naturally to a man is part of his design.  We’ll talk more about that in a future post.

Why I’m On This Corner of the Internet
Over the past fifteen-plus years, I’ve been on a quest to become the man I was created to be.  Along the way, I’ve come to understand the importance of initiating my sons into manhood, and also to understand how many young men would also benefit from this kind of discussion.  This notion of being truly, fully alive is at the heart of what I believe, how I live and what I want to communicate here.  That’s also why the tagline for this blog is “One Real Life.”  I’ll offer what I’ve learned — good and bad — for your consideration.  Eat the meat and spit out the bones.

So what about you?
What are you doing right now to discover your purpose?  What would being fully alive look like in your circumstances?  What knowledge do you lack that prevents you from getting started?  Add your comments or questions below.

*For you grammar mavens, I coined the word ontozoan as a noun, but I suppose one could use the word as an adjective.  Note that I use it as a proper noun — it’s the title of this blog — and because these sorts of things can get away from one if he isn’t careful, I am asserting trademark rights over the name. (Did you see the “TM” superscript at the top of the page?)  Note: you do not owe me anything if you mention or refer to this title. In fact, you’ll be doing me a favor if you talk it up.  On the other hand, if you attempt to name your band or your lunch meat Ontozoan, you might get a letter from me — or my lawyer.