The more observant and the more regular readers among you may have noticed that I have not been posting according to my usual , mid-week schedule. After four-and-a-half years, I have entered a season where the demands of career and family have required more of my attention, leaving me less time to devote to creating readable blog posts on topics I hope you’ll find interesting. I hold myself to a high standard on things like this, so publishing a post whenever I get around to it just seems wrong to me.

I don’t think it is time to quit the blog altogether, but I am going to take the next few months and not add new posts or re-post old ones. Given the circumstances, I don’t know how long of a hiatus this will turn out to be, but I do intend to resume.

During this time, I plan to focus on the needs of my family and to be more present where I am needed right now. While I’m doing this, I hope to be inspired to write on new topics and to continue the discussion to encourage you — and me — toward Thriving Authentic Masculinity.

If you’re in the habit of checking in here from time to time, please note that I have published 307 posts including this one — and some of them are really good. If you haven’t read them in a while, please enjoy them again.

I will keep the lights on here, and I will respond to comments and direct messages, so play nice ’til I get back.

If you’re a praying man, please include my family and me in your prayers. We’re in God’s hands and we are seeking His face, so ultimately we will be fine. We just need wisdom as we navigate.

Recent news stories point to improved job prospects and increased pay to go with them. This is encouraging if you have the credentials (read: degree and/or certification) your prospective employer is looking for, but what if you don’t?

At a recent convention I attended, I heard a keynote speech that inspired this post. I’ll share more of what I learned from that talk in Part 2, but first I want to encourage you to become an entrepreneur. Instead of waiting for someone to hire you, why not start your own company and be the boss?

Let’s be clear: I’m not suggesting that you pull a Costanza and make up a Vandelay Industries. Nor am I talking about falling into the trap of turk work and setting yourself up for obsolescence. Instead, I mean that you should develop a product or service and the plan for delivering it — and then you should deliver it as profitably as you can.

Make your own luck

Let’s talk about the upsides, starting with creating your own momentum and your own luck. Now before you think there’s this mystical force our there called Luck that runs parallel to God, let me clarify. What people call luck is actually the meeting of preparation and attention. When you’ve done the homework and acquired and/or mastered the knowledge of your marketplace, you’ll harness the positive power of confirmation bias. As I’ve written before, when you drive an old Volvo, you start to see them everywhere.

When you’ve developed expertise in your chosen market, you’ll see opportunities everywhere. Then, if you’re confident and diligent, you’ll pursue the more promising opportunities. And if your preparation includes the cultivation of some selling skills, you’ll close some business. Then people will consider you lucky.

One man from my hometown used to like to say that the harder he worked the luckier he got. I got it back then, and I still remember it. I also appreciate the saying attributed to Thomas Edison that goes like this: Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Be your own boss

Becoming an entrepreneur has another huge upside: you are your own boss. Unless you’re also highly self-motivated, that’s also the downside. Every day, you’re going to have to summon your motivation, your desire to get things done or they won’t get done.

By the way, this is the same skill you need to manage your career, as I discussed in this post.

But… It takes money

Yes, it’s true that you have to have some money to get started, but not as much as you may think. For most entrepreneurial enterprises, you aren’t going to need your own skyscraper and helipad — at least, not at first. Some people with landscaping businesses started with not much more than a lawnmower and a willingness to sweat. Other people have figured out how to open online stores on a shoestring budget. Web domains are very inexpensive — and there are lots of free tutorials that can help you design your website and launch your business.

Chris Guillebeau wrote a book called The 100-Dollar Startup. You may find just the idea you need there.

Be prepared to learn

There are lessons everywhere, many are free. There are online publications, podcasts, and webinars devoted to entrepreneurship. There are books on management and leadership in your public library (you do have a library card, right?). And there are local entrepreneurs who want to share what they know. But reading and discussing aren’t the only sources of lessons.

In the kicker above, I said you should expect to fail. This is because you will likely fail in your first attempts at entrepreneurship. Many times. Failure can bruise your ego, but it is also a rich mine of hard-won knowledge.

This is one reason why silicon valley types talk about failing faster. This means you should embrace the probability and learn to shrug off the sting of failure in order to acquire the lessons that will come through the failure and keep going. Author, speaker, and success coach Michael Hyatt says it this way: “In my world there is no failure — only learning.”

Success comes from good judgment…

I know I’ve quoted him before, but Arthur Jones, the eccentric creator of Nautilus Fitness equipment used to say, “Success in life comes from good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.” I hope you see that to make your way in the world and provide for yourself and your household, you will have to endure some seasons of suck. Don’t let it throw you — you’re learning.

Congratulations, You’re a Technician

One lesson that arrived for me fairly recently was in Michael Gerber’s book Beyond the e-Myth. Gerber says that if your enterprise can’t function without your hand on it, you’re not an entrepreneur — you’re a technician. He prescribes the creation of methods and systems that will enable you to delegate the functions of and to increase the scale of your business.

A business has products and is a product

The last bit is important because in addition to having products, a business is a product in itself. If you’re truly an entrepreneur, you’ll enjoy the thrill of the launch, but become bored with the operations side of things. In that case, you’re going to have operators who can implement your systems, or you’re going to need to find a buyer who’ll operate what you’ve built. You can make money either way, but the key is to work on your business instead of just working in it..

Coming up

We’ll talk about insights I gained from that keynote address.

So how about you? What’s preventing you from becoming an entrepreneur? What do you have to lose? Add your comments below.

Note: I have linked to a couple of books on Amazon. I do not receive any compensation for doing so — these are two books I have bought and read and I am comfortable recommending them.

News flash: water is wet

If you spend time on any of the leading social nets (with the possible exception of Instagram) you have probably noticed the digital incarnation of Orwell’s Two Minutes Hate where, in the novel, the population was instructed to vent their frustration at poor Emmanuel Goldstein. And lately there seems to be an exponential increase in the number of Emmanuel Goldsteins.

Thought crime

And what offenses have the objects of this hatred committed? Usually, it’s commenting in the negative on some topic dear to the dominant group. Sometimes, though rarely, it’s an act of defiance. Other times it’s merely having the wrong facial expression. The most important aspect is that the miscreant is bucking the system. But I want to illustrate that this is nothing new.

Imagine a group of young men in a strange city — a seat of government and power. And for daring to affirm their beliefs they paid a terrible price.

If you think I’m talking about Washington, DC, in 2019, read on.

Was it something I said?

In the Old Testament book of Daniel, we read the story about three Hebrew young men named Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah who had been taken captive and carried to Babylon where they received training to become wise men, sages, and seers. Although their captors gave them the Babylonian names Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, these three, along with their companion Daniel, did their best to live in a way to please their God. As you’ll see, this desire made them different. As the Japanese proverb says, “The nail that sticks up gets beaten down.”

Sic semper tyrannis

The Babylonian king, Nebuchadnezzar, was the fulfillment of Lord Acton’s famous saying that power tends to corrupt and absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely. King Nebuchadnezzar set up a 90-foot-tall golden statue for the people to worship. He called all the important people in his government together and told them that whenever they heard music, they had to drop what they were doing and worship the statue. Talk about a power trip!

But it’s worse, because like most tyrants, Nebuchadnezzar added the threat of violence. Anybody who resisted the king’s order to worship would be burned alive in a furnace.

Command performance

The text doesn’t tell us what kind of meeting (if any) Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego held to decide their response, but it is clear they chose not to obey the king’s order. Let’s join the story already in progress:

⁸ Therefore at that time certain Chaldeans came forward and maliciously accused the Jews. ⁹ They declared to King Nebuchadnezzar, “O king, live forever! ¹⁰ You, O king, have made a decree, that every man who hears the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, shall fall down and worship the golden image. ¹¹ And whoever does not fall down and worship shall be cast into a burning fiery furnace. ¹² There are certain Jews whom you have appointed over the affairs of the province of Babylon: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men, O king, pay no attention to you; they do not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
¹³ Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought. So they brought these men before the king. ¹⁴ Nebuchadnezzar answered and said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image that I have set up? ¹⁵ Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”

-Daniel 3: 8-15 (ESV)

Turning up the heat

Our friends are in for it now — they’ve been ratted out by their rivals and confronted directly by an angry king. By the way, it’s always a bad idea to make your leader look bad in front of his followers, but in this case, the three young men knew that they were subjects of a higher king. Look at how they answered the enraged ruler:

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. ¹⁷ If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.¹⁸ But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

– Daniel 3: 16 – 18 (ESV)

And a surprise ending

The king, royally angry, commanded the heat of the furnace be turned up seven times hotter than usual and he had Shadrach, Meshach, and Adednego tied up and thrown into the furnace. The writer tells us that some of the executioners were killed by the heat as they threw the three men into the fire. An important detail given what happens next.

Nebuchadnezzar and his followers looked with fiendish satisfaction into the death chamber and were astonished to see the three men walking around in the fire, untied, and not being consumed at all. And even more surprising, there was a fourth man walking around in the fire with them. The Babylonians described his appearance as “like a son of the gods.”

The king called to the three men and asked them to come out of the fire. When they did, their clothes didn’t even smell like smoke. The God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego saved them.

What can we learn from their example?

Don’t go looking for trouble

Let’s start with knowing what you believe and why. I’ve written on many occasions about the need for cultivating a biblical worldview. The clash with an increasingly hostile culture makes this more important than ever. When you are grounded and established in your frame of reference, you don’t need a guru to tell you whether a policy or a law is moral or immoral, and you will also have the tools to understand when these terms are being used by others to try to control you.

The text doesn’t say, but I don’t think the three Hebrew lads had to discuss their response to the king’s command to idol-worship. Notice also that they didn’t taunt the king to call attention to their disobedience. They simply refused to comply.

But don’t run from it

When you’re among a people who prize going along with the crowd, you can bet someone will notice if you aren’t going along. And when the go-along gang rats you out to the authorities, the correct example is that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Their answer was clear and direct, with no finger-pointing of blame shifting. And, I would add, no whining about the consequences.

Speak the truth in love – and don’t forget the love

In this story, the king seems to understand that what is at stake is his personal supremacy versus that of the God of his Hebrew captives. I marvel at the brazen challenge offered by Nebuchadnezzar: “And who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?” But I’m more amazed by the calm firmness of the answer — our God is able to deliver us from anything, but if he chooses not to, we will still serve him.

Again, notice the lack of trash talk, the lack of anger. Given the positions of authority the three men held, they likely earned their jobs based on faithful performance over time. They probably enjoyed a good relationship with the king as his trusted advisers. Perhaps they even loved him.

In this context, their refusal to worship the statue must have seemed to the king like a betrayal. In response, he threatened their lives and they responded with grace and truth.

Trust God

When the fertilizer contacts the rotating blades, trusting God is all that is left, and all that matters. If you’re His, you can be certain He holds you in His hands. God rescued Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the furnace, and He can rescue you from whatever version this age devises to punish dissidents. But — and this is important — God is not obligated to rescue you, me, or anyone from pain or suffering in this world.

I know this may sound unfair, but the people who tell you God only wants His servants to be healthy, wealthy, and wise — flying only in first-class, and owning the priciest sports cars — are selling something. If you want to know the score, look at Jesus’ personal inner circle from his earthly ministry, the twelve apostles, and at the outcomes of their lives, and you’ll understand that this life is not principally about our comfort.

If you’re sure you’re right, you don’t have to yell

If you believe what Jesus said — that we will know the Truth and the Truth will set us free — then you have all the volume you need. It isn’t necessary to pound the table or shout the other side down. You may receive the gift of supernatural deliverance. You may persuade people around you through your dignified words and demeanor. And you may lose everything this world counts as precious. But take heart — this world does not get the last word, God does.

So how about you? In what ways are you cultivating a biblical worldview? How do you see dissent being punished? Add your comments below.

By now you’ve certainly heard or read that Procter & Gamble’s Gillette brand group has launched an ad (or perhaps a campaign) urging men to “Shave their toxic masculinity.” If you believe all publicity is good publicity, this would look like a victory for Gillette. However, if your purpose is to attract more loyal customers, it’s hard to see how this ad will make that happen.

Half a cheer for taking a stand

Let’s give Gillette credit for purchasing expensive air time to promote their corporate point of view. And let’s concede that the abuses of masculine strength they call out are genuinely wrong. I’ve taught my own sons and published this blog to reinforce the purpose and appropriate use of masculine strength.

Where the blade slips

Here’s the problem: Gillette blames all men for the misuse of masculine strength. Cultural Marxist feminism has sought to destroy men by diminishing and vilifying them simply for being men. This is the same cohort that attempted to define the marriage bed — that transcendent one-flesh union that is a glorious gift of God — as rape. That’s right: they call sexual relations between a husband and his wife rape.

Whether they mean to or not Gillette tars all men with the broad brush of “toxic masculinity” — a term of art used to smear any masculine expression that doesn’t conform to current-year pieties. It’s purposely vague and obviously intended to exert control over men and their behavior, particularly men who are more traditionally masculine.

In my view, this is not just bad business, but Procter & Gamble have allowed a political -ism to hijack its brand and in doing so, alienate its loyal customers.

Piling on

Coincidentally, the American Psychiatric Association issued a report just a few days before the Gillette ad saying that traditional masculinity was harmful. And there it is! To be a man is to be bad. We have a lot to look forward to as the implications of this study take root.

Bleeding out

I’ve read several articles on the Gillette ad, and I have particularly enjoyed reading the comment sections following each. While I didn’t find any commenters acting as champions for sexual harassment, bullying, or sexual violence, I did see men and women rejecting the slander and declaring their intention not to buy Procter & Gamble products going forward. It’s a free country, and free men and women get to spend their own money where they will.

Several of the commenters made the point that if you want men to take the lead, don’t berate them in front of the ones who are supposed to follow them. This is correct.

That’s why we want to encourage and affirm at this blog, rather than shame or scold. The other thing I’ve learned is, where men are concerned if you’re talking to everybody, you’re not talking to anybody.

More freedom

Since I practice my freedom of speech here, I support and endorse Procter & Gamble’s right to waste their shareholders’ money on preachy and ineffective ads. I also support and endorse those consumers who choose to take their business elsewhere. Live and let live.

My family and I don’t want to reward a business that seeks to enhance its reputation by slandering men, so we will be shopping more carefully.

About that crisis

Before I close this post, I want to say that there is a crisis in masculinity. But that crisis is spiritual in nature — and it isn’t going to resolve by buying one brand of razor blade or another. And that’s the worst of Gillette’s blunder: call out a social problem with a spiritual root, and present your product as the magic solution. Or worse, position yourself as judge and scold. “Forgive us, O Gillette, for we have sinned — every one!”

But spiritual problems don’t get better simply by trying harder. My friends in recovery understand this better than most. This is why 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous encourage participants to acknowledge their powerlessness to overcome addiction on their own, and to engage the help of a “higher power.” Around here, we know His name. And as we grow in our love for Him, He transforms us. Then obedience, reformation, and restoration take the place of the unhealthy compulsions that so often result in the abuse of masculine strength with all those unhappy consequences.

So, I’m keeping my beard, changing my razor, and seeking to walk closer with Jesus. I won’t look different, but over time, I want to be more like Him.

So how about you? What’s your take on the Gillette ad and the APA statement? Add your comments below.

PS Not so long ago, Gillette ran an inspirational ad depicting Seattle Seahawks rookie player Shaquem Griffin from his childhood to the NFL. The scene with his father teaching him and his brother to shave was on-brand and affirming. This shows how truly wretched the new anti-masculinity ad is. Maybe Gillette figures that the greater surface area of women’s legs will offset the loss of blade sales for men’s faces.

I worked with a colleague who took particular delight in reciting the title of this post — the first part, anyway — whenever anyone began a statement with, “I hope…” To be fair to my colleague, I think he believed he was demonstrating leadership. But to his poor followers it just came across as peevish and small-minded — especially since he always did it. Without fail. More than once in a meeting if his pupils were too slow to get it the first time around.

Imagine your own real-life Michael Scott waiting to pounce with his, “That’s what she said!” and you’ll get the idea how tiresome his subordinates found it. We kept hoping he’d quit, but since we’d had it pounded into our heads for too long, I decided to put his lesson to practice.

True confessions

I do not want you to think I set an ambush for the fearless leader. I did not. But following another meeting, I ended up having a one-on-one conversation with him, and he asked about the status of some information from a third-party entity. I replied, sincerely, that I expected it to arrive that day and hoped to review it that same afternoon.

Of course he replied, “Hope is not a strategy.” “True,” I answered, “but try living without it.”

The essential nature of hope

You may have heard something like this in the past: A human being can live forty days without food, three days without water, four minutes without oxygen, but only a second without hope. While that may not be 100% accurate from a medical perspective, consider the significant role that our state of mind plays in our overall health.

A 2007 Harvard University study indicated that feelings of hopefulness and curiosity throughout one’s life correlated to lower rates of heart disease and diabetes decades later. And I think most of us have heard of or seen characters in stories that lost the will to live and withered away.

Hope — the belief that there is more than just what my circumstances tell me — is a key ingredient in resilience. You may have already noticed that life will knock you down at times. Hope and resilience will enable you to get back up and keep moving toward your objective.

Hope as a weapon

Hope is essential to human well-being. Tyrants know this, so they seek to extinguish hope in order to break the will of their subjects. The most famous example is from Dante’s Inferno, where according to the poet, the sign above the gates of Hell reads “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” So quite literally, Hell is the absence of hope.

But hope is not a strategy

Let’s clarify what we mean, when we say this. If you tell me you hope to land a great job, but when I ask you how you plan to do that, you don’t have an answer, I’d say your hope for that job is not sufficient. It isn’t a plan that will lead to actions that will lead to the desired outcome. In that sense, your hope is not a strategy.

On the other hand, if you tell me that you have updated your resume and your LinkedIn profile, you’re working your network, and seeking contacts at your desired employer, and that you feel hopeful, I would offer to help you find that job. See the difference?

Hope is only as good as its object

Gauzy hope for the sake of hope is truly useless. Preparation with hope is priceless. And placing your hope in God — who knows you, loves you, and holds you in His hands is irreplaceable.

The apostle Paul told the church at Colosse that Christ in them was, “the hope of glory,” meaning that an ultimate end of living in and following Him was a guarantee that things will turn out for their good and God’s fame. In this sense, hoping in God is a winning strategy — one worth adopting.

So how about you? In what are you placing your hope? Add your comments below.

Happy new year, everybody! It’s nice to be back. I hope you all are enjoying Christmastime (if you follow your old Christmas carols, you know there are twelve days of Christmas, so it’s still Christmas even if you have already scuffed your new kicks).

In past years, I’ve shared with you a focus word — a theme word that I hold as an intention for the new year. In 2016, for example, I had the word Desire. Last year, it was Breakthrough. This year the word that keeps coming back to me, in and out of prayer, is the word Restoration. Let me unpack what this word is saying to me and why it is my focus word for 2019.

Worldview

If you’ve been reading here awhile, you know I’m big on worldview — specifically a biblical worldview. You can read more about that here . But in the cheat code version, a world view addresses four main issues and questions. They are:

• Creation – Where did we come from?
• Fall — What is our fundamental problem?
• Redemption — What’s the cure for our problem?
• Restoration — In light of the cure, how should we live?

From the outset, the word restoration is powerful to me because if its broad scope and purposefulness in setting things right. I am concerned with personal restoration in some measurable ways, as well as with the abstract “out there”, as I hope to illustrate. Here are the areas I think of when I consider Restoration for 2019:

Health

This is primarily an intention for friends and family members who have been struggling with chronic conditions as well as the ravages of time. In 2019, I’d like to see them restored to health through better choices, doing what they can. And I pray God’s grace and healing for what they can’t do on their own.

Fitness

By now, it’s a cliche that everybody wants to get back in shape in the new year. I confess that last year, I let myself drift from maintenance mode to something below that. I feel it. i see it. I know what to do and I’m going to change it. One of my best Christmas gifts — in true “Advent Conspiracy” spirit — was several sessions with a personal trainer to kickstart my motivation. Just what I needed.

Career/Finances

Last year turned out well. In the arena of work and finances, I experienced something of the breakthrough I was hoping for. We were, at last, able to tackle some pesky debt. Restoration for me in this area will mean making better use of the money God entrusts to me, sticking to a workable budget, and seeing to some things that I should have taken care of a long time ago.

We all do the best we can with what we have, but eventually, the house has to be painted, the refrigerator or the water heater dies, you have to replace the garage door, or the car will need new tires. I’m thankful to be in a position where these events — when they come — won’t be a crisis.

Meanwhile, I’m thankful for the success I’ve enjoyed in my current role, and the contributions I’ve made to the company. At the same time I’m feeling restless in this new year. Restoration in this regard would mean a new challenge — an opportunity to make my mark and create value in a new space. It could be I’m projecting this onto my career from a different facet of my life, but I have learned not to ignore this when it comes.

Society/Politics

I have published several posts based on Roy H. Williams’ and Michael Drew’s book, Pendulum, and my reading of the news suggests the authors’ predictions are, unfortunately, true. Restoration in this sense will be to seek the welfare of the city and the area where I live.

I believe what Jesus said about our being salt and light in this world. If you’ve been reading these posts over the years, you’ll have noticed that I tend not to discuss partisan politics much (policy, yes). That’s intentional. I have very strong opinions, and I even like to argue, but I think the times are such that we need to emphasize what we hold in common, rather than picking at the scab of where we differ.

I want to see alienated friends and family members restored to each other, and I am going to continue to stay out of the social media mud. If we can avoid the kind of trouble keyboard warriors like to conjure up, good. If, on the other hand, things get as bad as the book predicts, I want to prepare myself and my household to come out on the other side intact and to be part of the — you guessed it — restoration.

Manners and morals

The famous British abolitionist William Wilberforce set about to end the cruel and immoral slave trade, but also to work for, as he put it, “the reformation of morals.” Restoration in our day will take the form of engaging in public questions with an eye toward solving problems. For my part, I intend to do this with the best thinking I can muster and in as kind a manner as I can. I intend never to be a doormat, but I don’t want to treat people of goodwill like one, either.

Those who want to pick a fight or wish us harm will be in our prayers. After that, we’ll deal appropriately.

Wanting to be part of the solution

When we look back at that worldview section, it’s hard to miss that God’s purpose in sending Jesus to be our redeemer was ultimately to restore and renew not just his favorites, but the entire cosmos. It is dented, dinged-up, and rusty, but God says He plans to renew it all. Trust me — you want to be part of it.

So like Wilberforce, let’s use the resources, the strengths, the gifts, and the contacts we have to make this battered world a much better place.

How will we know when we get there?

Quite simply, we won’t. But just because we can’t in our own strength construct a Heaven on earth that is not a reason we should not strive to make this earth as much like Heaven as it can possibly be. Think about what this would look like in terms of justice, education, opportunity, and economic and social mobility.

I assure you, I didn’t get hit in the head and become a Utopian Socialist. I am still a believer in capitalism as the greatest engine of prosperity for the greatest number of people — but we can do better. Part of this resides in the object of our service. If we love and serve God and love our neighbor — seeking the best for him — we aren’t going to pile up wealth so we can hoard it. Instead, we will seek to put it to work to accomplish the work of restoration. Where we have been successful, we will create opportunities for others to succeed. We will connect people with needs to the people who have the means to address those needs. And we will live in community as beggars who found bread and are busy telling other beggars where they can find it, too.

I look forward to what this year will bring — especially since I see the amount of work it will take.

So how about you? What is your word for 2019? What does it mean to you? (If you don’t have one yet, it’s not too late.)

The title of today’s post is a quotation attributed to American president Theodore Roosevelt.  The truth of this statement is so blinding, I am partly tempted to let it stand on its own.  If I did that, though, you might think I was being lazy.  So here goes.

Equal time for comparison

I am a believer in competition.  A good-natured rivalry can motivate you to elevate your performance in nearly any arena, and can help you stave off complacency.  This is why fitness trainers and management consultants alike recommend keeping records and charting your progress toward your goals.  Engaging a friend or two to pursue the same goal builds in even more accountability, and makes it more difficult to punt your workout.  All of this is beneficial, as it brings out the best in each of us.

The dark side

Where this goes sideways is when we begin looking at what people around us have while disparaging our own resources or circumstances.  We don’t feel that we are getting the reward we deserve while others — seen by us as less worthy — are getting far more than they deserve.  Sound familiar?

Why do we compare?

I think this unhealthy wish to measure ourselves against others is first a byproduct of living in a fallen world.  We are all fallible and deep down we know it.  We long for justice in the face of wrongdoing — just as long as we can escape our due punishment.  At the same time, we fear being exposed, so we seek to lessen the sting by identifying all those over whom we can claim superiority.

For most of us, this isn’t conscious behavior. If it were, I think it would be less common. Instead it exists from preschool play yards to corporate boardrooms. It seems to be latent animal behavior, akin to the pecking order among chickens, or establishing of dominance in a dog pack.  If you’re tempted to think that because we see this in the animal kingdom, that it’s a feature of our world, and not a bug, note that this observation doesn’t negate the fallenness of our world.  Besides, dogs drink from the toilet.

Even so, little boys compare to see whose is biggest, migrating to boasts about whose dad could beat whose, eventually escalating to the acquisition of temporary status symbols — car, career, condo, concubine — lather, rinse, repeat.  Social media just amplifies the effect. As Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Fight Club, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”

It seems to me that a man who has his question answered, who has his purpose figured out and is about his mission is less susceptible to seeking comfort by comparing himself to others.

It’s nobody’s business 

When I was thirteen, I wanted to buy a road bike.  Braswell’s Cycle Shop had a chestnut metallic Schwinn Varsity ten-speed.  It was beautiful, and cost far more than I had.  My grandfather owned an industrial supply company in our town, so I went to see him.  When I told him I wanted to buy a bicycle but I didn’t have the money, he asked me if I’d be willing to work for the company.

I agreed on the spot. Next, I went down the street to get a Social Security number and a work permit and showed up the next morning at 8:00. As an inventory clerk it was my job to count roller chain, sprockets, roofing sealant, and drill bits that were so fine I wonder if I could even see them now. This was my introduction to the 40-hour work week.

When payday came, my grandfather took me aside and, as he handed my check to me, he told me that what he paid me was between him and me — it was nobody else’s business. Likewise what he paid others in the company was between him and them — and that was none of my business. A few people asked what I was making, and I never told them.  And I have followed my grandfather’s advice ever since.

I enjoyed riding that bike — and wearing the clothes I was able to buy with money I had earned — and was untroubled by what others were getting.  I had my job and I had agreed to the rate of pay when I hired on.  So that was that.

But why is comparison a thief?

The simplest answer is that when you’re focused on something other than what is yours, you fail to appreciate it.  It’s like dancing with a pretty girl while looking over her shoulder for someone prettier.  I’ve seen men blow up their families because they failed to appreciate the treasure that was theirs.  This is that old “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” Most of these men simply exchanged one set of problems for another set — most often at a higher cost.

Ultimately comparison robs us of contentment when we feel powerless to change our situation.  This is a close cousin to worry and its ugly sister, despair.  These are all forms of pride — the master sin.  Pride alleges that we know better than God what we need, rather than trusting Him for what we need in its time.  So how do we fix this?

Be thankful for what you got

Gratitude is the best place to begin.  Start by giving thanks for the most basic of your blessings and expand from there like ripples in a pond.  Thank God for your life, your health, your home, your relationships — even if they are far from ideal.  Don’t just halfheartedly lob your thanks in God’s general direction — make time to consciously sit in His presence and offer what the Bible calls a “sacrifice of praise.”  If it costs you nothing, it isn’t a sacrifice.

Choose hope

Recognize that with God’s help, all things are possible.  Hang your hat on that and don’t let your circumstances tell you otherwise.  Persevere and look to God to work the current suck into a great story of redemption.

Eyes on your own work

Marketers make their living exploiting the ones who’ve fallen into what Dr. David Chadwick calls “the snare to compare.” Unless you’re in the market for a new car and you have the money to buy one, you’re better off avoiding the ads and the lots.  Similarly, if you’re married, you’re far better off investing your attention to your wife than to other women — real or imagined.

As Romans 14:4 says, “A man stands or falls before his own master.” That’s the only measurement that counts.

So how about you? In what ways has comparison robbed you of joy? Add your comments below.

A very merry Christmas to all of you — and thanks for your reading and commenting this year. A conversation falls apart if only one side is there, so I want to make sure you know I appreciate your lending me your attention.

Christmastime is here with all of its longing and all the ache of unfulfilled hope. It can be a time of unparalleled joy — a real rip — but for many people I know, the season is a mix of high and low. This is something of a choice, and I want to challenge you and me to focus on the tremendous upside that is Christmas.

I am not talking about a new guitar (ahem), outdoor gear, or any present under the tree. Instead, I challenge us to look beyond the reactive trappings to see the reality that set all of them in motion. Here’s my message to you:

Once upon a time there was no need of Christmas

When the world was very young, our first parents were innocent and free. They had responsibility for the entire world — to rule over it, to enjoy it, and to fill it — under the authority of God. Even better, they had face-to-face fellowship with their loving creator.

God told them they could have food from any tree in the paradise that was their home except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God explained that to eat of this tree would bring death. If you’re familiar with the Old Testament book of Genesis, you know that Adam and Eve did, in fact, eat that forbidden fruit — inviting and deserving the consequences. And such consequences! Lying, cheating, blame-shifting, stealing, killing, and dying, along with every sort of sickness and pain came when humanity fell. My sources say that the expression, “This sucks,” originated soewhere around that time.

But God, even though He would have been right to do it, didn’t give up on His image-bearers. Instead, He set in motion a plan of redemption that unfolded over hundreds of years. He chose a people for Himself and saw them through slavery and deliverance, faithfulness and rebellion. He sent sages, judges, and prophets — along with His divine law — to outline and to underscore man’s futility and inability to save himself and to point him back to God.

And at the point it seemed all was lost, God made good on His word. He fulfilled the long-awaited word of the prophets by invading time and space as a helpless baby — the fullness of deity in human form — ultimately to ransom fallen men and women from their bondage to sin. If you haven’t read it lately, here’s the Biblical account according to Luke that establishes the time and place of the pivotal moment of history, the night Jesus Christ the Messiah was born.

The Birth of Jesus
In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. ² (This was the first census that took place while^[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ And everyone went to their own town to register.
⁴ So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. ⁵ He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. ⁶ While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, ⁷ and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”
¹⁵ When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”
¹⁶ So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷ When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸ and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰ The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Luke 2:1-20 (NIV)

The point of it all

So you see — our chaos, our brokenness is why Christmas exists. Let’s let it go to our heads — not because we’re good or we deserve it, but because at our worst God loves us so much that He gave His son Jesus.

In my short life, I have seen the world deliver the message repeatedly that we’re on our own. It isn’t true. Christmas proves it. It can be hard to see underneath the advertising and the desire to strip the season of its spiritual significance, but the substance of it is there if you have eyes to see it.

What if it’s all make-believe after all?

I assure you it isn’t, but consider the following. In C.S. Lewis’s The Silver Chair, Puddleglum the Marshwiggle is fighting off the enchantment of the green witch who has enslaved the prince and taken him and his young charges captive. As he extinguishes the witch’s magic fire with his foot, he delivers the following:

“One word, Ma’am,” he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. “One word. All you’ve been saying is quite right, I shouldn’t wonder. I’m a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won’t deny any of what you said. But there’s one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.”

So let us live like Christmas people and celebrate the God who came to demonstrate His love for us by laying down His life for you and me. Merry Christmas!

So how about you? How do you intend to celebrate this Christmas? Add your comments below.

While we celebrate the incarnation of Christ Jesus, I want to ask you to consider the example of a man who was indispensable to the Christmas story — Joseph the carpenter.

Meet Joseph

When we first meet Joseph in the Bible, he is defined in terms of his relationships — as the son of his father, Jacob, and the husband of Mary, the mother of Christ (Matthew 1:16).  From there we learn that Joseph was engaged to Mary, and that Mary was pregnant by God the Holy Spirit.

Joseph’s choices

Although Joseph could have avenged his honor and had Mary stoned to death for her supposed adultery, instead he made up his mind to break their engagement quietly.  But instead, a messenger of God — an angel — appeared to Joseph and told him not to be afraid to proceed with the marriage, because Mary was carrying God’s son.  So Joseph obeyed God.  The only other narrative mentions of Joseph in the Gospel according to Matthew show him moving his family to safety in Egypt, and later to Nazareth to avoid murderous and corrupt rulers.

Family ties

In the Gospel according to Luke, we see Joseph taking his bride to his ancestral home, Bethlehem, because of a census decree.  Jesus was born there just as it had been prophesied.  Bethlehem was significant because Joseph was descended from King David — the greatest king of Israel — and the prophecies regarding the messiah told that he would be the son of David.

Joseph’s greatness

Despite the slight number of scripture verses in which Joseph appears, his impact is tremendous.  Christmas could not have happened without him.  Here are the lessons I take from the life of Joseph:

• No whining — According to the genealogy of Jesus, Joseph could well have been the rightful heir to the throne of King David.  Instead he was a tradesman –a carpenter.  We do not have any account that suggests Joseph complained about his station in life, or about the circumstances he and his fiancée found themselves in.
• No drama — When it appeared Mary had been unfaithful to him, his love for her caused him not to want to subject her to disgrace.  His plan was to quietly send her away.
• Faithful — Joseph is described as a man of noble character.  Although this is not unheard of in the offspring of kings, it is by no means guaranteed.  Note that Joseph willingly accepted the role of Jesus’ earthly father, even though scripture tells us he did not have marital relations with Mary until after the birth of Jesus.  That is, he took the responsibility without any immediate gratification.
• Devout — We see Joseph hearing from God via angels and dreams, so we must conclude that he was seeking God’s wisdom.  Elsewhere we see him presenting the newborn Jesus to be dedicated at the temple, according to the law.  Certainly Joseph revered God to have ingrained such habits of belief and practice.
• Obedient — When God communicated His will to Joseph, it appears Joseph went straight to it.  Human nature was no different in Joseph’s day than it is in ours, so clearly Joseph must have known he’d have to deal with the whispers and gossip of his neighbors.  Based on the information given us in the Bible, he didn’t let anything deter him.
• Cool as the other side of the pillow — When evil Herod wanted to kill the newborn King of the Jews, Joseph got instructions to take Mary and Jesus into Egypt to escape Herod’s murderous intent.  And he just did it.  When news reached Joseph that Herod had died, God let him know it was safe to move back to Israel.  Again, he simply moved, although he did avoid Herod’s son by settling in Nazareth. (This decision fulfilled another prophecy regarding Jesus – this is why Jesus was considered a Nazarene.)

About the painting:  This is “Saint Joseph and the Infant Christ” painted by Baciccio — also known as Giovanni Battista Gaulli.  I love this portrayal of Joseph — his expression conveys such love, wonder and reverence.  What genuine nobility!  What a man!  

So how about you?  What of Joseph’s example can you put to work in your life?  Add your comments below.

If the crass commercialization of the season has tempted you to hate Christmas like a certain Dr. Seuss character, I’d like to share with you a practice that has helped my family and me get back to the heart of Christmas.

I first heard Pastor Rick McKinley several years ago on a podcast, talking about an initiative he had started at the church he leads — Imago Dei Community in Portland, Oregon.  He called it “The Advent Conspiracy,” and it was designed to be an antidote to the consumerism that had overtaken the original message of Christmas.

Stated simply, The Advent Conspiracy consists of four ideas:

1. Worship fully
2. Spend less
3. Give more
4. Love all

Worship Fully

The true meaning of Christmas — the inescapable origin of the season — is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.  Where we’ve gone wrong is that we’ve allowed ourselves to become dull, relegating Jesus to the category of ancient history.

But what if we were to think about the significance of Jesus more deeply?  Consider that God made a perfect world and set humanity at the top of  the created order.  Not long after this, humanity rebelled and rejected God’s authority, bringing about God’s righteous judgment.  Sickness, death and every kind of heartache resulted from this betrayal on our part.

God could have scrapped the whole project, but since his very nature is love, He chose a people for Himself and made them a great nation.  He gave them His law to indicate they were His people, and he sent them prophets, leaders and teachers to communicate His will to them.  And when the time was right, this loving God took on human flesh — leaving the splendor of Heaven — and chose to be born into the world he created as a helpless baby.  The coming near of God and the establishment of His kingdom on earth — the hope for all humanity — is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This is why we worship for all we’re worth.

Spend Less

From the time our sons were babies, we’ve always had a budget for Christmas and stuck to it. Even so, since we’ve adopted the Advent Conspiracy, we’ve sought to spend less for gifts while increasing the value of each one.  Part of this is to designate ten percent of our Christmas budget to benevolence — that is, making it a point to do a kindness to those who have less.  Another part is to manage our expectations and intentionally limit the size of our Christmas budget.

Give more

It seems like an oxymoron to spend less and give more, but there is a way.  McKinley calls it giving presence, rather than presents.  With this idea, our gifts to family members and each other are more thoughtful and involve an experience more than an object.  For example, a few Christmases ago, my younger son gave me a deep-winter backpacking weekend.  What a splendid gift!  We shared a weekend of father-son time and made great memories.

The gift of presence is, more than anything, taking the time to give a gift that says, “I get you.  I know you.”  In this case, it really is the thought that counts.

Love All

In the same way God showed His love for the whole world in sending His son,  we look for ways to make Christmas — and life —  better for others.  Our church helps sponsor a Christmas Village Toy Store that sells new, donated toys at a steep discount to disadvantaged families so they can have the dignity of giving gifts to their own children.  The church also takes up a special Christmas Eve offering to help spread the Good News of Jesus around the world.  If you’re not affiliated with a church, you can contribute to the Salvation Army, or send Christmas cheer to kids via Operation Christmas Child.

The subtitle of the book The Advent Conspiracy is “Can Christmas Still Change The World?” I believe it can — and it starts with you and me.  A joyous Advent to you.

So how about you?  In what ways are you recovering the joy and meaning of Christmas? Add your comments below.

Note: I have taken a sabbatical from writing new posts to enable me to focus on family and work matters, but I am committed to keep this site up and running. Meanwhile, I read and respond to all comments and correspondence. I’ll resume regular publishing of new content in January.