“Well begun is half done.” – Aristotle

Throughout my life, I’ve found that I begin new tasks with great gusto. This is a good thing, and I have learned to take advantage of my enthusiasm to create momentum that will help carry me through the eventual letdown. The particulars vary from project to project, but it’s usually the result of higher-than-expected costs, missing parts, or delays. When the slog hits, it’s critically important to have built in some incentives to help keep your motivation and to keep you on track.

Wisdom from the ancient world

I’ve always liked the quotation above from Aristotle. For most of my existence, I’ve taken it to mean that a strong start is a great advantage. This is just one of the axioms I refer to to help me overcome procrastination — to begin now — especially on those difficult or unpleasant chores. But there’s another way to interpret it: a strong beginning is only half the battle. You and I are bound to run into what is known as the “muddle in the middle.”

This is true of books, blog posts, product launches — and it’s also true of life.

Solomon sacrifices his lineage on the altar of an idol — Don’t be that guy

Enter King Solomon

Let’s look at King Solomon to illustrate what I mean. Frequent readers will know that I refer often to the biblical book of Proverbs — written primarily by Solomon, the son of King David, who succeeded his father on the throne of ancient Israel. As king, Solomon was unparalleled. He was wise and wealthy because God had blessed him from the beginning of his reign.

In addition to these gifts, God chose Solomon to build the temple in Jerusalem — the center of worship for God’s chosen people. And his body of work also included three books of the Bible — part of the Bible’s wisdom literature — Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon. Clearly Solomon had an enviable collection of skills and used them to accomplish many good and enduring things.

It didn’t end well

However, as he grew comfortable in his achievements, apparently, Solomon became complacent. In the following passage from 1 Kings, Chapter 11, we see that Solomon squandered something essential:

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

What went wrong?

Notice the telltale signs. Like his father before him, Solomon got his head turned because of his sexual appetite. Despite God’s direct instruction to the contrary, he amassed a harem of 1,000 women — most from the idol-worshiping folk Solomon’s ancestors had conquered to inhabit the land of promise.

As I wrote in an earlier two-part post titled, “When You Marry a Mountain Girl, You Marry the Mountain,” you’re going to adopt the ways of the people you spend time with — this is especially true of one’s spouse. This is another reason it’s better to marry someone with similar beliefs and values. Failure to do this results in what the Bible calls “being unequally yoked.” In agricultural terms unequally yoked animals couldn’t  plow straight, as the stronger animal would always pull the weaker in its direction. In Solomon’s case, his wandering eye resulted in a wandering heart that worshiped inert idols in place of the living God. This ultimately led to the destruction of the temple Solomon built, but also to the captivity of God’s people.

How to avoid foolishness and failure

The objective here is to be a faithful steward of the gift that is your life. This means you don’t want to peak in high school, and it also means you don’t want to put it in neutral once you hit 50, 60, 70, whatever. To finish your life strong and satisfied, here’s what I recommend:

Begin with the end in mind – The late Stephen Covey coined this phrase in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.  Having a mission — a purpose with a desired outcome — in front of you is paramount. It’s a challenge to remain as motivated at the end of your shift as you are when you clock in, but having a mission makes it easier. Notice that Solomon’s resolve weakened as he got older.

Count the cost – The funniest and yet saddest episodes of the TV show “American Idol” are the ones featuring the deluded contestants who swear they can sing — the judges just aren’t being fair. If you want to be a professional musician, you have to put in the time in solitary practice. The 10,000-hour rule is no joke — and you can only spend those hours on one thing, not multiple things. This is the definition of opportunity cost. What are you willing to do without to achieve at your peak? It’s your life, so do be honest with yourself.

Stay connected to your power source – To be the best possible version of yourself you need to be working at the intersection of your Passion, Purpose, and Potential. This is a quest, and it is easier for some than for others, but the effort is worth it. God made you and He knows His plans for you. Get out your spiritual shovel and dig with your eyes open. Don’t get discouraged if you have to do some living before it snaps into focus. It’s all training if you’re legitimately seeking. And when you find it, you’ll have to pray, study and reflect — alone and with others —  to stay on track.

Stay fresh – I know I’ve said it before: You’re either green and growing or you’re ripe and rotting. Are you an expert? A virtuoso? Not yet? You still have those challenges in front of you. If you are an expert or a virtuoso, consider the challenge of teaching what you’ve learned to other people. There’s always more to learn, more to do — and if you’re not dead, you’re not done.

Get some rest – Take care of your body by exercising, eating right, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough sleep.

Get your mind right – The body goes where the head goes. Competitive divers learn this to enter the water with that minimal splash the judges reward. It’s the same in life. And we’ve talked about it before: thoughts lead to feelings; feelings lead to behaviors. If you’re not impaired, you can choose what to think about — good or bad.

But sometimes you’re vulnerable. Then what? As Dr. Charles Stanley advises, use the H.A.L.T. method to avoid giving in to the temptation to foolishness — whatever form that takes for you. Don’t do anything when you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Whether you’re tempted by an unlocked door, an unwholesome relationship, a bottle, a smoke, or a plate of fries, it’s much easier to resist when you recognize when and where your defenses are at their lowest, and you can see the larger goal beyond the moment.

Is it hopeless if I’ve wrecked it?

Not at all. If you live to tell the tale, you can still finish well. If you need a refresher on Grace and forgiveness or if the whole idea is new to you, you can read about it here. Your Father in Heaven made you, and He — with all His faithful ones — is cheering you on. You can be clean. You can be His. You can be faithful in fulfilling your mission and finish strong.

So how about you? What steps are you taking now to finish well. Encourage your brothers by declaring it below.

“Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.” – Psalm 119:37

We have spent the last several weeks considering the importance of the psychological and emotional needs Identity, Stimulation, and Security. In this post, I’d like to discuss the consequences of the misplaced or unmoderated need for stimulation.

Knowing how to distinguish real from counterfeit is valuable

Is stimulation bad?

Let’s address this up front: stimulation is vital. Babies need visual and auditory stimuli to develop normally. And sociologist Robert Ardrey who enumerated these needs maintained that we need stimulation throughout our lives to be emotionally healthy. We need to encounter new ideas, new people, new locations, new songs, new works of art to feel and be truly alive. If you’re creative at all, you know that it’s nearly impossible to create out of a sense of boredom.

But let’s also agree that stimulation, like many other beneficial things, is subject to misuse. We can seek sensation and experiences as a substitute for a healthy sense of identity and or security. We can use cheap imitations of genuine accomplishments to avoid potential pain or loss. We all have our favorite mindless entertainments, and we use them to get a quick hit when we’re procrastinating. I can find no shortage of articles to read when I should be writing, for example. But why do we do this?

Paging Dr. Zimbardo

In his TED Talk titled The Demise of Guys, Dr. Philip Zimbardo explains that westerners, men in particular, have essentially re-wired their brains through consumption of visual media. He says that excessive screen time — particularly web surfing, porn and video games — has created what he calls arousal addiction. This type of addiction creates a powerful craving for novelty — that is, for more and different stimulation. He contrasts this with drug addictions, where the desire is for increased quantities of the same substance.

Your brain on stimulation

So what happens when our brains are stimulated in this way? The arousal response results in production of the neurotransmitter dopamine. It’s powerful stuff. Dopamine lights up the brain’s pleasure/reward center and it is part of the neurochemical mechanism of motivation. When you’re producing dopamine you are receiving a naturally occurring positive reinforcement that will cause you to repeat the behavior that created the reward. If you’re generating product or creating something positive, this can be an engine of prosperity. But what if you’re reinforcing the pursuit of pleasure for its own sake?

When a man exposes his brain to excessive stimulation — via junk food, gambling, porn, or video games — dopamine production increases radically. The producers of this stuff know it. In the same way water flowing downhill creates a gouge, then a gully, excessive dopamine creates its own pleasure pathway — a landing pad that demands more traffic. As Zimbardo explains, the desire is for greater variety, not just more of the same. The recipe for loneliness then is: Indulge, rewire your brain, and isolate yourself.

Nothing new under the sun

Man’s tendency to seek too much of a good thing didn’t start with the advent of the internet, any more than his tendency toward violence began with the invention of machine guns. However, the ability to create large-scale impacts in a very short period of time is a product of technological progress. Men have always been fascinated by sex, but the anonymity of the internet has provided access to far more images far more frequently. Zimbardo claims the average man views 50 pornographic video clips per week. If so, the effects of arousal addiction are likely to be more widespread and more profound

But let’s go back to the root of all this: we need stimulation, and we are biochemically wired to reward ourselves for it. The feeling of accomplishment when you achieve a goal, complete a project, take a trophy buck, or ask that cute girl for her number — that’s all proper and a result of dopamine doing its job. This is natural and beneficial in its proper place and proportion.

I submit to you that the problem is seeking that dopamine rush without doing the difficult work that leads to legitimate rewards. Each of us has a mission, and we need to be at our respective posts. Faithfulness brings a good reward. Shirking your duty to chase shiny objects leads to all kinds of calamity. Let’s look at an example from ancient history.

Oh look — a squirrel

In chapter 11 of 2 Samuel, there’s a famous story of a king seeking stimulation in the wrong places. It goes like this:

In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house.  And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

So David sent word to Joab, “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent Uriah to David. When Uriah came to him, David asked how Joab was doing and how the people were doing and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” And Uriah went out of the king’s house, and there followed him a present from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?” Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah dwell in booths, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.” Then David said to Uriah, “Remain here today also, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. And David invited him, and he ate in his presence and drank, so that he made him drunk. And in the evening he went out to lie on his couch with the servants of his lord, but he did not go down to his house.

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah. In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.” And as Joab was besieging the city, he assigned Uriah to the place where he knew there were valiant men. And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died. Then Joab sent and told David all the news about the fighting. And he instructed the messenger, “When you have finished telling all the news about the fighting to the king, then, if the king’s anger rises, and if he says to you, ‘Why did you go so near the city to fight? Did you not know that they would shoot from the wall? Who killed Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? Did not a woman cast an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died at Thebez? Why did you go so near the wall?’ then you shall say, ‘Your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.’”

So the messenger went and came and told David all that Joab had sent him to tell. The messenger said to David, “The men gained an advantage over us and came out against us in the field, but we drove them back to the entrance of the gate. Then the archers shot at your servants from the wall. Some of the king’s servants are dead, and your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.” David said to the messenger, “Thus shall you say to Joab, ‘Do not let this matter displease you, for the sword devours now one and now another. Strengthen your attack against the city and overthrow it.’ And encourage him.”

When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she lamented over her husband. And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”

Go to school on David, or learn your own painful lessons

It almost looks like the plot of a Hollywood thriller, doesn’t it? Voyeurism, lust, adultery, conspiracy, murder, corruption, and a cover-up. None of it necessary.

Notice first that King David was at home when he should have been on the battlefield with his army. Maybe he had been too successful too soon, or maybe he had gotten bored with winning. No matter the reason he was casting about on his roof, spying on his neighbor’s wife as she bathed. Maybe she was bored, too, and wanted the excitement of an affair with the powerful king next door. Perhaps. But if he had been faithful to his mission, his men, and his God, he wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

There’s more to the story, and I urge you to read on in 2 Samuel. You can start here. But I want to encourage you — and me — to get solid on your identity and your purpose, and avoid the cheap buzz that fake stimulation creates.

Be a producer, not a consumer

If you are in the grip of one of the fake stimuli, I challenge you to quit being a consumer and to begin to produce, to create. You know your gifts, spend your time seeking the rewards of genuine accomplishment by making something that others can enjoy or from which they can benefit. Create sculptures, paint pictures, plant gardens, paint houses, tell stories, write songs, stage plays, serve others. And learn to enjoy the satisfaction of real rewards.

So how about you? How are you experiencing accomplishment and avoiding arousal addiction? Add your comments below.

“Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.” – Psalm 119:37

We have spent the last several weeks considering the importance of the psychological and emotional needs Identity, Stimulation, and Security. In this post, I’d like to discuss the consequences of the misplaced or unmoderated need for stimulation.

Knowing how to distinguish real from counterfeit is valuable

Is stimulation bad?

Let’s address this up front: stimulation is vital. Babies need visual and auditory stimuli to develop normally. And sociologist Robert Ardrey who enumerated these needs maintained that we need stimulation throughout our lives to be emotionally healthy. We need to encounter new ideas, new people, new locations, new songs, new works of art to feel and be truly alive. If you’re creative at all, you know that it’s nearly impossible to create out of a sense of boredom.

But let’s also agree that stimulation, like many other beneficial things, is subject to misuse. We can seek sensation and experiences as a substitute for a healthy sense of identity and or security. We can use cheap imitations of genuine accomplishments to avoid potential pain or loss. We all have our favorite mindless entertainments, and we use them to get a quick hit when we’re procrastinating. I can find no shortage of articles to read when I should be writing, for example. But why do we do this?

Paging Dr. Zimbardo

In his TED Talk titled The Demise of Guys, Dr. Philip Zimbardo explains that westerners, men in particular, have essentially re-wired their brains through consumption of visual media. He says that excessive screen time — particularly web surfing, porn and video games — has created what he calls arousal addiction. This type of addiction creates a powerful craving for novelty — that is, for more and different stimulation. He contrasts this with drug addictions, where the desire is for increased quantities of the same substance.

Your brain on stimulation

So what happens when our brains are stimulated in this way? The arousal response results in production of the neurotransmitter dopamine. It’s powerful stuff. Dopamine lights up the brain’s pleasure/reward center and it is part of the neurochemical mechanism of motivation. When you’re producing dopamine you are receiving a naturally occurring positive reinforcement that will cause you to repeat the behavior that created the reward. If you’re generating product or creating something positive, this can be an engine of prosperity. But what if you’re reinforcing the pursuit of pleasure for its own sake?

When a man exposes his brain to excessive stimulation — via junk food, gambling, porn, or video games — dopamine production increases radically. The producers of this stuff know it. In the same way water flowing downhill creates a gouge, then a gully, excessive dopamine creates its own pleasure pathway — a landing pad that demands more traffic. As Zimbardo explains, the desire is for greater variety, not just more of the same. The recipe for loneliness then is: Indulge, rewire your brain, and isolate yourself.

Nothing new under the sun

Man’s tendency to seek too much of a good thing didn’t start with the advent of the internet, any more than his tendency toward violence began with the invention of machine guns. However, the ability to create large-scale impacts in a very short period of time is a product of technological progress. Men have always been fascinated by sex, but the anonymity of the internet has provided access to far more images far more frequently. Zimbardo claims the average man views 50 pornographic video clips per week. If so, the effects of arousal addiction are likely to be more widespread and more profound

But let’s go back to the root of all this: we need stimulation, and we are biochemically wired to reward ourselves for it. The feeling of accomplishment when you achieve a goal, complete a project, take a trophy buck, or ask that cute girl for her number — that’s all proper and a result of dopamine doing its job. This is natural and beneficial in its proper place and proportion.

I submit to you that the problem is seeking that dopamine rush without doing the difficult work that leads to legitimate rewards. Each of us has a mission, and we need to be at our respective posts. Faithfulness brings a good reward. Shirking your duty to chase shiny objects leads to all kinds of calamity. Let’s look at an example from ancient history.

Oh look — a squirrel

In chapter 11 of 2 Samuel, there’s a famous story of a king seeking stimulation in the wrong places. It goes like this:

In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem.

It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. (Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house.  And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

So David sent word to Joab, “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent Uriah to David. When Uriah came to him, David asked how Joab was doing and how the people were doing and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” And Uriah went out of the king’s house, and there followed him a present from the king. But Uriah slept at the door of the king’s house with all the servants of his lord, and did not go down to his house. When they told David, “Uriah did not go down to his house,” David said to Uriah, “Have you not come from a journey? Why did you not go down to your house?” Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah dwell in booths, and my lord Joab and the servants of my lord are camping in the open field. Shall I then go to my house, to eat and to drink and to lie with my wife? As you live, and as your soul lives, I will not do this thing.” Then David said to Uriah, “Remain here today also, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. And David invited him, and he ate in his presence and drank, so that he made him drunk. And in the evening he went out to lie on his couch with the servants of his lord, but he did not go down to his house.

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah. In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.” And as Joab was besieging the city, he assigned Uriah to the place where he knew there were valiant men. And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died. Then Joab sent and told David all the news about the fighting. And he instructed the messenger, “When you have finished telling all the news about the fighting to the king, then, if the king’s anger rises, and if he says to you, ‘Why did you go so near the city to fight? Did you not know that they would shoot from the wall? Who killed Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? Did not a woman cast an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died at Thebez? Why did you go so near the wall?’ then you shall say, ‘Your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.’”

So the messenger went and came and told David all that Joab had sent him to tell. The messenger said to David, “The men gained an advantage over us and came out against us in the field, but we drove them back to the entrance of the gate. Then the archers shot at your servants from the wall. Some of the king’s servants are dead, and your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.” David said to the messenger, “Thus shall you say to Joab, ‘Do not let this matter displease you, for the sword devours now one and now another. Strengthen your attack against the city and overthrow it.’ And encourage him.”

When the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she lamented over her husband. And when the mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.”

Go to school on David, or learn your own painful lessons

It almost looks like the plot of a Hollywood thriller, doesn’t it? Voyeurism, lust, adultery, conspiracy, murder, corruption, and a cover-up. None of it necessary.

Notice first that King David was at home when he should have been on the battlefield with his army. Maybe he had been too successful too soon, or maybe he had gotten bored with winning. No matter the he was casting about on his roof, spying on his neighbor’s wife as she bathed. Maybe she was bored, too, and wanted the excitement of an affair with the powerful king next door. Perhaps. But if he had been faithful to his mission, his men, and his God, he wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

There’s more to the story, and I urge you to read on in 2 Samuel. You can start here. But I want to encourage you — and me — to get solid on your identity and your purpose, and avoid the cheap buzz that fake stimulation creates.

Be a producer, not a consumer

If you are in the grip of one of the fake stimuli, I challenge you to quit being a consumer and to begin to produce, to create. You know your gifts, spend your time seeking the rewards of genuine accomplishment by making something that others can enjoy or from which they can benefit. Create sculptures, paint pictures, plant gardens, paint houses, tell stories, write songs, stage plays, serve others. And learn to enjoy the satisfaction of real rewards.

So how about you? How are you experiencing accomplishment and avoiding arousal addiction? Add your comments below.

“Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.  Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.” – Proverbs 23: 22-23 (ESV)

In my previous post, I argued that “truth” had become an idol — a fetish — a substitute for genuine transcendent Truth, and for authentic spiritual development. I also cautioned against the folly of succumbing to confirmation bias. I hope you’ll read it if you haven’t already.

In this post, I’d like to offer some additional thoughts on what philosophers call the problem of epistemology — that is, How do we know what we know?

Navigate by fixed principles – and you’ll get there.
(Photo by Jon Ottosson)

Begin at the beginning

If you’re a regular reader here, you may have noticed that I have interspersed original posts in this ongoing series on Identity, Stimulation, and Security with updates and re-posts on subjectivity and worldviews. These were important refreshers, as they will help to illuminate what I want to say here.

If you have identified your worldview, and you have a biblical worldview, you already have a grasp on the foundation question of origins. Where did we come from? If you believe in a divinely created and purposeful cosmos, you have a framework for accepting knowledge — of true and false, good and evil, right and wrong — as a given. If an infinite, personal god, who is present in his creation and yet distinct from it, created the world and everything in it, the existence of knowledge and truth would seem to follow as built-in attributes.

Said another way, if humanity exists and humanity has an awareness of a personal (as opposed to impersonal) creator god, that god must be relational in his personhood, and therefore knowledge is a gift a relational god would give to creatures made in his image.

Life is but a dream?

I always enjoyed the movie The Matrix. Scratch it deep enough and I think it tells a story of redemption, despite its superficial Buddhism. And don’t we all want to believe there is more to this life than what our senses perceive — that somehow, we can level up and overcome the limits of our mortal existence.

Tesla and Space X CEO and founder Elon Musk asserts that he believes we are almost certainly living in a computer simulation a la The Matrix. And he’s not alone. A California professor of cognitive science explains his view that reality is nothing close to what we perceive in this article published in The Atlantic.

This is not a new phenomenon. Hinduism teaches that reality is maya — illusion. But I am aware of far more people subscribing to this view and to its corollary that nobody can truly know anything than at any other time in my life.

Once you rule out objective reality as a valid explanation…

If one subscribes to the postmodern assumption that there is no such thing as objective reality, and if one is willing to be honest, one will arrive at some uncomfortable conclusions.

First, if objective reality doesn’t exist or is otherwise unknowable, one must conclude that he is on his own. He can not place faith in the existence of his dearest friends, his loved ones, or his own life. Given the obvious relational bent of humanity, and the relative rarity of hermits, this existential aloneness will strip a man of hope.

Second, because it’s all imaginary, logically morality would no longer be binding in any meaningful sense. If the only reality is what occurs within the walls of my skull, why would I deprive myself of any pleasure, or give a thought to any consequence of my actions.

I think very few people actually believe this to the point they are willing to take it to its logical conclusion. And this indicates that narcissism and/or solipsism don’t account for the world we have. Scientific observation and measurement based on physical and material laws of nature show us that there is a verifiable and consistent physical reality that we inhabit. It isn’t all in our heads. If we each had the ability to configure our respective physical and moral universes, rocks might sink in my world, and be lighter than air in yours. But we all know this isn’t the case.

I read and enjoy Dilbert creator Scott Adams’ writing. His thinking has influenced the way I view persuasion in politics, among other things. Although I admire him a great deal, I disagree with his view that our world is illusory. Again, this is a matter of worldviews. Adams is a materialist, and I believe our cosmos is a strict system, presided over by its creator. Both hypotheses are difficult-to-impossible to disprove. However, the presence of physical laws and their repeatability when tested, gives my hypothesis the edge.

Is it possible your “facts” are untainted? How do you know? And if all before us is illusion, why can’t we choose to abolish sickness, suffering, and death? Either there is objective external reality, or we’re piss-poor gods. If there were no such thing as objective external reality, why is there so much “out there” that troubles you?

Imagination has a dark side

No barrier vs deception 

 What does the Bible say?

Consider again the example of Jesus. A significant part of His earthly ministry was teaching. If the world is a computer simulation, and knowledge is impossible, why would God incarnate waste His time trying to teach?

Then how should we live?

So how about you? How are you cultivating an appetite for Truth? Add your comments below.

What is an idol?

Although Elrond here looks saintly, I wouldn’t pray to him. (Photo by Gabriela Brandão/Facebook)

How it all works

Idols? In the current year?

A recent revelation

So how can a man keep his heart from idols?

Make God — the ultimate reality — your hiding place.

So how about you? What idols have crept into your life? How do you plan to combat them? Add your comments below.

This is part of an ongoing series about Identity, Stimulation, and Security. You can read the earlier posts here, here, and here.

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”
-1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)

C. S. Lewis said that if we love anyone, we make our hearts vulnerable and we will get hurt. When you’re disappointed or despondent, it can feel irreversible. You can slide into depression, and if you stay there long enough, you can get stuck in despair. This is dangerous territory, because despair is the breeding ground for suicide.

You don’t know what’s over the next hill. (photo by Jon Ottosson

Why not?

Let’s start with this guidance from me: DON’T DO IT. Do I need to tell you that you should fight this temptation with everything you’ve got? Just in case you were sleeping, let me recap the basis for rejecting suicide in four points:

1. You are made in the image and likeness of God and you belong to Him.
2. God, as the giver and taker of life, instructs us to do no murder.
3. Suicide is a rejection of God and His authority through self-murder.
4. It is permanent. As in forever.

Facts and figures

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that each year more people die from suicide than from car accidents. Of those taking their own lives each year, 79 percent are men.  Since this blog is aimed at helping men become the best possible version of themselves, let’s agree that the best possible version of you starts with you alive.

Death with dignity?

Everyone faces feelings of futility at one time or another. How you deal with those feelings is everything. The main error is in assuming that you have the proper vantage point to determine whether or not your life is pointless, or whether your pain is permanent. That’s God’s turf and it’s above your pay grade.

We compound the error by isolating ourselves and fixing on the idea that, ultimately, we’re on our own. I don’t know about you, but leaving this world lonely, bitter and afraid doesn’t sound like dignity or a relief to me.

Recognize that it is a temptation

Most sins are corruptions of good gifts. And most temptations are attempts to take the easy way. Suicide is just the logical conclusion of seeking shortcuts.

What if God is using this challenging and painful season to cultivate resilience in you? What if you’re going to need it in the future to overcome the defining challenge of your family, career or ministry? And what if someone other than God is trying to neutralize your strength — by killing you —  before you ever take the field?

You realize that you have an enemy, don’t you? The devil is on a mission to steal, kill and destroy what God loves — and God loves you. If you belong to God, the evil one can’t lay a finger on you, but he will try to seduce you into opening the door and inviting him in. The way he does this is to plant an idea and get you to agree with it. If you are looking for a job and it isn’t going well, your enemy will whisper to you: “It’s no use. Nobody will ever hire you.” Internalizing this lie is like inviting the devil into your room. It’s worth investing some time in prayer to see what agreements you may have made with the devil and renounce them before God.

Suicide can’t have you if you don’t give your mind over to it. Discipline your thoughts! Count your blessings!

What to do if you’re thinking of ending it

You know this isn’t really the answer, so please do the following:
1. Wait.

2. Tell somebody. Be 100% honest. If you’ve been considering how you’d end your life, that is a big red flag. Go somewhere where you can’t be alone. Call a hotline. Call your church. Go to a hospital ER. Don’t try to gut this out by yourself.

3. If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of communication, take it seriously. Regret is expensive. Even if it seems like a joke, ask questions — and don’t let your friend be alone.

4. You may hate yourself right now, so fight for the ones who know and love you. Taking your life may solve your problem and end your pain, but what about the problems you’ll create and the pain you’ll cause for everyone you’re leaving behind?

5. Right now may suck, but right now is not forever. Things change, but you’ll never find out if you check out before you find out how good they can be.

6. We’ve talked about it before, but you must understand your purpose. Without that, you can’t understand the value of your current hardships — or what they’re preparing you for. If you know your purpose, it’s possible you can see how this emotional or spiritual valley could be useful when your purpose is closer to its fulfillment.

So how about you? What hardship are you overcoming with God’s help? And how are you cultivating resilience? Add your comments below.

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”
-1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)

C. S. Lewis said that if we love anyone, we make our hearts vulnerable and we will get hurt. When you’re disappointed or despondent, it can feel irreversible. You can slide into depression, and if you stay there long enough, you can get stuck in despair. This is dangerous territory, because despair is the breeding ground for suicide.

You don’t know what’s over the next hill. (photo by Jon Ottosson

Why not?

Let’s start with this guidance from me: DON’T DO IT. Do I need to tell you that you should fight this temptation with everything you’ve got? Just in case you were sleeping, let me recap the basis for rejecting suicide in four points:

1. You are made in the image and likeness of God and you belong to Him.
2. God, as the giver and taker of life, instructs us to do no murder.
3. Suicide is a rejection of God and His authority through self-murder.
4. It is permanent. As in forever.

Facts and figures

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that each year more people die from suicide than from car accidents. Of those taking their own lives each year, 79 percent are men.  Since this blog is aimed at helping men become the best possible version of themselves, let’s agree that the best possible version of you starts with you alive.

Death with dignity?

Everyone faces feelings of futility at one time or another. How you deal with those feelings is everything. The main error is in assuming that you have the proper vantage point to determine whether or not your life is pointless, or whether your pain is permanent. That’s God’s turf and it’s above your pay grade.

We compound the error by isolating ourselves and fixing on the idea that, ultimately, we’re on our own. I don’t know about you, but leaving this world lonely, bitter and afraid doesn’t sound like dignity or a relief to me.

Recognize that it is a temptation

Most sins are corruptions of good gifts. And most temptations are attempts to take the easy way. Suicide is just the logical conclusion of seeking shortcuts.

What if God is using this challenging and painful season to cultivate resilience in you? What if you’re going to need it in the future to overcome the defining challenge of your family, career or ministry? And what if someone other than God is trying to neutralize your strength — by killing you —  before you ever take the field?

You realize that you have an enemy, don’t you? The devil is on a mission to steal, kill and destroy what God loves — and God loves you. If you belong to God, the evil one can’t lay a finger on you, but he will try to seduce you into opening the door and inviting him in. The way he does this is to plant an idea and get you to agree with it. If you are looking for a job and it isn’t going well, your enemy will whisper to you: “It’s no use. Nobody will ever hire you.” Internalizing this lie is like inviting the devil into your room. It’s worth investing some time in prayer to see what agreements you may have made with the devil and renounce them before God.

Suicide can’t have you if you don’t give your mind over to it. Discipline your thoughts! Count your blessings!

What to do if you’re thinking of ending it

You know this isn’t really the answer, so please do the following:
1. Wait.

2. Tell somebody. Be 100% honest. If you’ve been considering how you’d end your life, that is a big red flag. Go somewhere where you can’t be alone. Call a hotline. Call your church. Go to a hospital ER. Don’t try to gut this out by yourself.

3. If you’re on the receiving end of this kind of communication, take it seriously. Regret is expensive. Even if it seems like a joke, ask questions — and don’t let your friend be alone.

4. You may hate yourself right now, so fight for the ones who know and love you. Taking your life may solve your problem and end your pain, but what about the problems you’ll create and the pain you’ll cause for everyone you’re leaving behind?

5. Right now may suck, but right now is not forever. Things change, but you’ll never find out if you check out before you find out how good they can be.

6. We’ve talked about it before, but you must understand your purpose. Without that, you can’t understand the value of your current hardships — or what they’re preparing you for. If you know your purpose, it’s possible you can see how this emotional or spiritual valley could be useful when your purpose is closer to its fulfillment.

So how about you? What hardship are you overcoming with God’s help? And how are you cultivating resilience? Add your comments below.

In Part I, we discussed the importance of committing to the process of becoming the man you were created to be.  We noted that this is a long-term campaign, not a quick trip to the corner store.  Now, I want to expand on the critical components of an effective transformation.

Engage the gears and it will function like clockwork

We’re made for relationships.  To be the man you were created to be, part of your process must include being anchored in community. Lather, rinse repeat.

Get the proper tools
Here are a few other tools that can keep you on track and moving toward the realization of your purpose:

• Become awesome at something – If you sing, always have a go-to song prepared.  If you play an instrument, learn a couple of pieces cold, and be ready to kill it on demand.  You say you’re good at card tricks? If you are able to study a topic or rehearse with focus for an hour a day, you can be an expert in a year.  What do you want to have in your repertoire next year at this time?

• Build confidence – Cultivating a series of genuine accomplishments prepares you for bigger future challenges.  What keeps you from trying?

• Conquer fear – Most of us are afraid to fail.  I have found that I can conquer stubborn fears by thinking through the worst that can happen and then asking myself, “What then?”  Try it.

• Build your body and your mind – You don’t have to spend hours in the gym, and you don’t have to spend entire weekends in the library — unless you’re a full-time student.  If your budget doesn’t permit a YMCA membership, check out bodyweight exercises.  There are lots of great workouts that don’t require any gym equipment.And as for building your brain, get one of the classics and challenge yourself to read just ten pages a day.  Don’t rush — enjoy the pace and read for maximum comprehension.

• Develop your sense of style and OWN it – Find out what types and cuts of clothing fit you best and go deep with them.  Although it’s generally not a good idea to buy, say, the same pair of pants in every color they make, it is better to look good every day, than it is to look different every day.  (Women love a man in uniform, don’t they?) Consider your career and your aspirations and dress accordingly.  Whatever your look is,  own it completely, but don’t be afraid to adapt.  Fashion changes, but style goes on.

Let’s start with this premise: time alone is a mixed blessing.  On one hand, having a set time and place to be alone with one’s thoughts can be wonderfully restorative.  Conversely, too much time alone can lead to self-absorption and self-indulgence.  How can a man sort it out?

It’s not good for the man to be alone. Everybody needs to belong.

Isolation – The Seedbed of Self-centeredness
With around-the-clock television, streaming movies on demand, online games and multiple social networks, our ability to connect superficially can fool us into believing we aren’t isolated.  If you disagree, consider how many millions of people watched the Times Square ball drop on new year’s eve and answer this question: If you watched it on television by yourself, was that an experience you shared with those millions?

Ironically, the ability to communicate with thousands of followers on Twitter or Instagram ends up making us more isolated, rather than less, as the interactions are more transactional and less relational in nature.  You know how it works; I post a picture and you look at it.  If you comment on it, I will like your comment.  The end.  Note that this is the ideal.  You might not like or comment on my picture, so there might not even be any exchange at all.

What’s Wrong With Isolation?
If my only connection to others is via the web, I can easily begin to derive my sense of worth from the number of comments, +1s, likes or upvotes I receive from any given post.  I can also turn my focus inward, withdrawing concern or compassion from anything beyond my own reach — ignoring or denying the humanity of those at the other end of my rhetorical whip.  The intense and frequent abuse of comments has caused many online publications to shut their comment threads down completely.

But beyond this, wise King Solomon said that anyone who isolates himself is setting the stage for self-indulgence.  We can see this in the Old Testament story of Solomon’s father, King David.  It was springtime, and David should have been away from his palace leading his army.  Instead, he was up on his roof, alone, and he saw Bathsheba bathing on her roof.  He sent for her and had his way with her.  This adultery was just the start of David’s troubles, as the coverup became even more deadly than the crime.

How Do I Overcome Isolation?
The first remedy for isolation is to recognize that we are made for relationships.  With this knowledge, cultivate genuine, in-person friendships and meet up with friends face-to-face as often as it makes sense to do so.  Consider this an encouragement to participate in the life of a healthy, scripturally sound local church, and to become part of a small group.  When you become invested in real-world friendships, you will begin to care more about others than about indulging your own appetites.  In the same way that a band performs together, if one member is weak playing a given passage, the other members can help cover him through that difficult section.

Note that face-to-face interactions are more costly than their virtual substitutes.  They will cost you in terms of time, money and frustration (you can’t mute or block someone who is sitting in front of you), but the process of cultivating friendships and working through your differences will make you better men.  This requires humility and vulnerability, by the way.

What if I’m Isolated and I Don’t Want to Be?
In those circumstances when you are by yourself and you’re tempted,  Charles Stanley teaches the HALT method.  When you’re tempted, he advises not to do anything when you’re Hungry Angry Lonely (Isolated) or Tired.  Don’t sneak off by yourself — instead, call a trusted friend and battle this together.

Solitude – The Good Kind of Alone
In contrast with isolation, solitude was a long-standing discipline of the early church.  Monks and ascetics emulated Jesus’ own  practice — to be alone and still before his Heavenly Father, listening and talking in conversational intimacy.

Solitude’s purpose is to set aside time and to assume a posture of reverent attention and to actively listen for the voice of God.  This takes time to learn and it is alien to our hyper-connected way of life.  (And yes, I’m aware you’re reading this via the Internet or email.)

This is not a call to unplug everything and become a hermit — very few men are, and I doubt you’re one of them.  It is, however, an invitation to dedicate time in your schedule to turn off the screens and the music and be still. Ancient Christian monks sought to banish even mental pictures to enable them to focus intently, wordlessly on God’s presence.

Many current self-help books are championing a similar-yet-different practice.  You’ll find plenty of books on mindfulness and meditation.  I’m not against them.  I’m merely pointing out that solitude as a tool of spiritual and emotional health is a thing and it has deep roots in orthodox Christian thought.

One more thing…
Sometimes isolation isn’t our preference, but a result of being willing to stand out by standing by your principles.  It can feel lonely — especially if you’re the first or the only one to voice an objection.  In these cases, trade isolation for the gift of solitude and be willing to go it alone for a time.   Trust that God will meet you and provide what you need.

So how about you?  What actions are you taking to build in solitude and avoid isolation? Add your comments below.