“Rest and be thankful.” ― William Wordsworth

First, I want to thank all of you who read these words of mine — and the thoughts that inspire them. And I want to welcome you to the third year of Ontozoan — One Real Life.

The road ahead isn’t always clear

As some of you may know, I took a three-month hiatus from creating new posts. I needed the time for renewal and rest, and also to allow myself to reacquire the trail as a writer. It can be a real challenge to communicate effectively on a variety of topics, and since I believe the work I do here is important, I didn’t want to start phoning it in.

Now that it’s time to begin posting again, I found myself at a bit of a loss how to resume our conversation. So I thought I’d give you a summary of what I did to recharge my batteries and otherwise spend my non-blogging time. I don’t have any big lessons or wisdom to impart here — I thought I’d share what I’ve been up to and invite you to share what you’ve been doing this summer.

For the sake of organization, I’ll divide this up into broad categories.

Family

My granddaughter has a lot on her mind!

This is the big one. My elder son — and sometime guest poster here — and daughter-in-law became parents in May — and in the way these things work, I became a grandfather. Family has shifted into an entirely different gear as a result, and so far it’s been completely wonderful.

A colleague asked if I felt older now that I’m a grandfather. No, I am aware of my age and stage of life, AND I still feel like I’m 19 inside. I will say that none of this would have been possible without Mrs. Booth’s and my sticking by our marriage vows, and committing to the sometimes frustrating work of parenting. Be choosy about whom you marry, but then commit all the way to fill the roles of head, husband, and father. You will have divine help.

Work

For the past eighteen months I have been working on a multi-pronged development effort that appears to be headed toward a successful launch. There are still a lot of fine points to document and procedures to communicate, and they are stacked — not as neatly as I would prefer — on my desk. This has stretched me, and I appreciate the ongoing opportunity to grow. I do need to schedule some time for a vacation, but this climb has confirmed for me that I am far from topping out. And in other good news, I’m all caught up on my cussing for the year…

Music

The band has been busy all summer, playing a mix of weddings, private parties, and festivals. It’s rewarding to be able to participate in some of the best days of people’s lives — and to be able to do it with talented friends. Apparently it’s paying off, as we have a nice long string of bookings to carry us through this year and well into 2017. If you’d told me in my twenties that I’d be doing this now, I wouldn’t have believed it. Proverbs 22 says that a good name (reputation) is more valuable than riches. In the era of the “personal brand,” that’s never been more true.

In addition to the performance side, I’ve been busy refining the marketing and communications side of the band. I still have a website redesign to complete, but I’m looking forward to how that’s going to help us continue booking with and serving great people. And I’ve also come up with a handful of music-related product ideas that I intend to pursue. As I’ve written before, I own my career, so it’s on me to create and pursue opportunities.

Faith

Our pastor teaches that pressure reveals what’s inside you. Friends, over the past two or three years, I have experienced pressure unlike any I’ve known. I’d love to tell you that what has come out of me in that time has been sweet and clear with the scent of pine, but it has been anything but. I meet with a group of men who encourage me, challenge me, respect me, and love me as we all struggle well with life. And through all of this I am more convinced than ever of my need for a Savior and that by His grace I stand clean and loved before Almighty God. (I’m no privileged character. You can have this, too.)

The pressure is still on, and I have no way to know when it will be over, but I have a more hopeful attitude now.

Focus and the Future

I am planning to invest more in those things that give life to me and to those around me, and to those things that generate a high return on the time/effort invested. As I’ve walked through this sabbatical season, I have come to some realizations regarding this blog and I am working on making some transitions, and I want to share them with you.

Open for business!
Photo by Joseph Booth

• More video – I love writing. I’ve won awards for writing. But I think more and more our culture is seeking information/entertainment through visual communication. I know how to write, but I don’t know as much about video editing, so we’re going to enjoy laughing together as I learn.
• An eBook – In spite of what I said just now, I am working on my eBook based on the series of posts titled “You Cannot Eat Like a Sparrow and Defecate Like an Elephant.” I plan to make this available via Amazon, but I will offer it here for free to subscribers. Keep coming back and you won’t miss it when it drops.
• A podcast – I’ve done some interviews and look forward to the opportunity to record and share some wisdom with you via podcasting. This allows more time to discuss a topic, and an opportunity to introduce you to interesting guests in their own words.
• Public speaking – Stage fright hasn’t been an issue for me for a long time. (Preparation freezes it in its tracks.) I’m going to develop a couple of talks on contemporary masculinity and book some speaking gigs.
• Resources and revenue – For the past two years I have published at least a post per week and cross-promoted it via Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I’m aware that this generation is the most heavily marketed to generation in the history of the universe, and I have been reluctant to attempt to sell anything to you. At the same time, I am offering something of value, and I want to be able to keep doing this.So I’m going to continue offering the blog, video posts, and the podcast for free, but I will create a resources page where you can, if you choose, click through to buy products I sell or endorse, or click to do everyday shopping at Amazon. In these cases, I will earn a small commission on any purchases, and that will help keep the lights on around here. I will make it very clear where I have a financial interest.

So how about you? What have you been up to this summer? What are you learning? Add your comments below.

“Ballroom dancing made a man of me.”
-Paul McCartney

The mission of this blog is to motivate and inspire you to embrace Thriving Authentic Masculinity and to become the best possible version of yourself.  Toward that end, we engage topics that affect your physical, emotional and spiritual health, along with subjects that can help you excel socially — like this and this.  If you want to attract a quality woman — or to maintain attraction with the one you have, let me recommend ballroom dancing for your edification.

This guy’s got it! Now all he needs is his partner.

A generation ago, parents sent their adolescent sons and daughters to Cotillion to learn etiquette and how to dance.  Stripped of its artifice, I see now that it was designed to provide some external reinforcement of social norms and niceties, but also to make introductions between young men and young women, with hopes that eventually some might become husbands and wives.  (I said it was a long time ago.)

Every Friday night for twelve weeks, we would all crowd into our town’s Masonic Temple — boys on one side, girls on the other — and learn the Foxtrot, the waltz, the cha-cha and the shag (a Carolinas variant of the western swing and or the jitterbug).  The instructors, a married couple older than our parents, would cue up the same records each week for each dance, and our respective ranks would imitate our human avatars.  It was mildly interesting, but then they told us to walk to the center of the room and “pair up” with the person in front of us.

Now it was no longer theory.  You had to actually dance with a girl and it had to be good.  The pairs would only last as long as a song.  After that, the instructors commanded us to change partners and each of us moved to our right to dance with the girl next to our former partner.  No picking favorites.  no skipping.  From what I’ve read, speed dating uses a similar model.

After our twelve weeks of instruction, we were invited to a dance at the Country Club where we and our “dates” got to show our parents what we had learned.

It wasn’t long after this that disco became popular and ballroom dancing à la Cotillion was over.  Nearly twenty years later when my brother-in-law got engaged, his fiancée was a professional singer, and they told their invited guests that her big band would perform at the reception.  To get ready, my wife and I enrolled in a ballroom dancing course at the local community college.

Once again, the men lined up on one side of the room (a high school cafeteria this time), women on the other, and we learned the Foxtrot, the waltz, the cha-cha, the western swing and the Rhumba. It meant so much more to take the class with my wife and — here’s the best part — we still have occasion to use those steps from time to time.

Here’s what ballroom dancing can teach you:

• The man must lead. — Only one partner can lead the dance — traditionally it’s the man.  It isn’t just an honorary role, and it isn’t patriarchal.  No, to lead in the dance, a man must guide his partner with his hands, his body, his eyes.  A little pressure on the hip, a little change in the grip — all of it has significance.  Dancing well means leading well, and if the woman you’re dancing with is a good dancer, she’ll follow your lead.
• Learn the steps.  — Confidence is attractive.  Being unsure is not.  Will you dance perfectly?  Probably not, and most assuredly not over the course of an entire evening.  If you’re solid on the five dances above, you can spend a delightful evening with a beautiful woman in your arms.
• Feel the music. — This can be hard to explain, but for dancing, music is not so much about hearing the music with your ears, or counting the rhythm in your mind.  Instead, it’s about feeling it.  If you’re not musical, or if you aren’t particularly good at keeping time, you can count beats while you’re listening to music, or go further and download a metronome app and become familiar with different rhythms and tempos.  Learn to hear with your body.
• Don’t look at your feet. — To lead properly on the dance floor, you must be aware of your partner and where the two of you are relative to other couples on the dance floor. If for no other reason, you need to avoid looking at your feet.  Stand up to your full height and look into your partner’s eyes as you lead her.  Smile even if she steps on your new Johnston and Murphys.  You’ll become more attractive to her. Honest.
• Style doesn’t cost extra. — If you’ve invited your date to a dance, look the part.  You don’t have to wear a suit and tie, but if you do, you don’t have to keep the jacket on all evening.  You’ll likely perspire if you stay on the dance floor.  This means a man should show  up properly groomed. Good grooming is mostly about eliminating excess — excess wrinkles, excess scuff marks, excess sweat, excess hair, excess odor — you get the idea.
• It’s your job to make her look good. — In the same way your leading isn’t chauvinistic, making her look good isn’t putting her on a pedestal.  It is simply the etiquette of the thing.  This is the same reason men wear tuxedos to formal events and women wear ball gowns, and why it’s a big deal if two women show up in the same outfit. To make her look good, review the items above and lead.  Lead her onto the dance floor, take her in your arms as is appropriate for the type of dance, and don’t attempt any spins, turns, dips or flips if she doesn’t know how to execute them.  You can always take a course together. If she’s not your date for the evening, when the song ends escort her off the dance floor and thank her for the dance. That’s rockin’ it Cotillion-style!
• Enjoy the dance. — Dancing is supposed to be fun, so do all the hard work before you show up at the next dance. If you’re at an event unescorted where there are other unescorted women, asking a woman to dance can be a great icebreaker. (That’s how I met my wife.) If you have mastered the basics and can lead with confidence, all you have to do from there is to be able to carry on a conversation. You never know where it can take you, but if you do it right you’ll have a partner.

So how about you? How would learning ballroom dancing help you become the best possible version of yourself? Add your comments below.

“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” -Ephesians 2:7-9 (The Message)

One of the guys in my small group asked the following question: “If Christians are saved by grace, why do we have God’s law?”  An excellent question.

Getting an A in tuning is just the start — not the main point.

The Law as a Tuner

I would compare the purpose of God’s law — the Ten Commandments and all the other moral teachings of scripture —  to tuning an instrument.

Tuning ensures that the sound of the instrument will be pleasing.  However, an instrument that is in relative tune — that is, one whose pitches are correctly spaced —  will sound good played by itself, but it will not necessarily sound good played with another instrument.  One string out of tune on one instrument can mar an entire performance.  For this reason, all the instruments in the band must be tuned to the same absolute pitch — an objective standard.

In this same sense, God’s moral law provides an objective reference point for determining how we relate to Him and how we deal with each other.

Ear training

Over time, a musician trains his ear.  He learns to recognize specific pitches, harmonic intervals, types of chords and chord progressions.  Likewise, as you grow in your relationship with God, you’ll become better able to distinguish right from wrong and to hear His voice.

A Little Help From My Friends

Even if you have perfect pitch it can be difficult to tune your instrument in a noisy environment.  Instruments get out of tune during a performance — even in the middle of a song.  That’s why even professionals use electronic tuners .  Whether they choose strobe, stomp box, smart phone apps or clip-on tuners (see photo) you see them everywhere. And audiences and musicians are the better for it.  In a high-pressure situation, or a noisy venue, the ability to determine whether or not your instrument is in tune is most valuable.

And let’s agree that life is noisy, so being able to weigh our motives, decisions and actions against God’s standard can help us calibrate our lives.

The Limits of Technology — And The Law

Tuning isn’t a one-time thing.  Recognizing you’re out of tune doesn’t correct your errant pitches.  The musician has to make those adjustments himself to be able to play in tune.  And some instruments are more prone to stay in tune than others, so a good musician will check his tuning and make fine adjustments as needed over the course of a performance.

Similarly, the law doesn’t fix what’s wrong — it merely shows us where we’re out of line.  It’s up to us to seek God’s help and bring the sour notes of our lives into conformance with His standard as often as it takes.

Buying a Stairway to Heaven?

So what’s the goal?  Is it possible to get to Heaven by being a good boy and obeying the moral law? Nope.  Following the law won’t put you in a relationship with God any more than being great at tuning will secure you a spot on the tour bus.

Tuning is an important aspect of musicianship — as obeying God is an important part of living as his follower — but music is much more than being in tune.  It’s about the relationship of melody, harmony and rhythm, and the expressiveness among the players in the band.  Spiritually speaking, God has made a place in His family band for you through the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus if you’ll accept this gift.  Relationship is greater than rules.  Grace is greater than law.

One more thing: In the band I’m in, everybody has his own tuner.  When something’s out, we all know it, but each band member tunes his own instrument.

So how about you?  In what ways are you imprisoned by rules and rule-keeping?  What do you need to help you sort this out and get free?  Add your comments below.

“Take particular care in picking out your building materials. Eventually there is going to be an inspection. If you use cheap or inferior materials, you’ll be found out. The inspection will be thorough and rigorous. You won’t get by with a thing. If your work passes inspection, fine; if it doesn’t, your part of the building will be torn out and started over. But you won’t be torn out; you’ll survive—but just barely.”  1 Corinthians 3:12-15 (The Message)

Who owns your career?  Have you ever thought about it?

When the show is over, say thank you, pack your gear and move on to the next venue.

As I completed my formal education and began my non-student working life, I thought the company where I worked had a plan for me.  That is, I thought they would observe my good work and bring me a series of interesting opportunities at increasing levels of responsibility and reward.  It wasn’t a bad thought.  After all, when I joined the company, I entered a training program and worked on a series of projects that provided me with exposure and insight into how the company really worked.

From there, I received my first assignment, and from there, I was recruited into a fascinating research and development project.  That led to a product development role, which led to a product management job with great responsibility and autonomy.  It seemed every few years the company came up with some new challenge and I grabbed it with both hands.

I should probably point out that although I was flexible, I had determined to work in the three principal disciplines of my industry — make stuff, sell stuff, and count the money.  Once I had learned these three, I could figure it out from there.

Along the way I learned what I enjoyed and where I added the greatest value.  I also learned that not every lesson  — and not every job — is fun or pleasant.  Above the specifics of the job, however, I made it a point to value people.  The most important lesson, though, was to take ownership of my career.

This required a change of mindset, as up to that point, I was content to see what opportunities the company would bring my way.  Now, older and more experienced, there were not as many opportunities that made economic sense or fit my strengths.  I had to weigh my options more carefully, but I had to be the one assessing my opportunities and pursuing the ones that made sense.

All the world’s a stage

So now let me paint a word picture for you:  In addition to my career, I’m also a musician.  Professional musicians usually work by booking an engagement in advance, traveling to the gig, performing, getting paid, and moving on to the next performance.  No one doubts that a musician owns his career, but you should own yours, too.

Here’s how I view it: The company is the stage where I’m performing now.  I’ve had a good run so far, and the audience — my boss , my colleagues, my suppliers and my customers — have been appreciative.  Eventually, though, the show will end.  When it’s over, a pro will say thank you, pack his gear and move on to the next venue.

Ben Stein said one should always approach his work like a contract employee — if you’re not producing value, you’re not going to remain employed.  Musicians have the same challenge: we create value by drawing a crowd and keeping them entertained. If you want to be a rock star in your work life, own your career the way a musician does.

So how about you? How do you generate value and deliver results in your work?  Add your comments below.

Yes, I quoted a movie from last century, but it’s one of my top five — you really should watch it.  That Thing You Do is about a group of friends in the 1960’s who form a band, make a hit record and follow the adventure that ensues. As a musician, I enjoyed the story’s setting in the context of a band, but more than anything, it’s a story about friendships and how success puts them to the test. Here is the relevance to our mission on this corner of the Internet.

“It is very important that you don’t stink today!”

A man at his best is not a loner.  In previous posts, we’ve covered the difference between isolation and solitude, as well as the importance of mentoring. Men are relational creatures.  Even at creation, God saw that the man He had created needed a suitable human companion. And the command to be fruitful and multiply signified that the two of them weren’t supposed to remain alone.

Ideally, your work will put you in contact with others, but let’s be honest — the companies that fully realize the “We’re like a family here” statements are rare.  You may make lifelong friends among people you have to be be around during business hours, but more likely you’ll find your best friends around a common interest.

In my short life, I’ve participated in various team sports, scouting, several theatrical productions, a series of churches (and the various classes, committees and groups that comprise them) and more than a few bands. Quality varies widely from one company, church, team, troop, troupe or group, but let me tell you why being part of a group (musical or otherwise) is important to your pursuit of a life of significance:

• Learning – I always strive to be the least capable musician in any band I’m in.  Why? Because playing with people who are better musicians than I am makes me work harder and improve faster.  Not only that, everybody brings something different to the band.  In the movie, drummer Guy “Skitch” Patterson, is a jazz player who fills in when the band’s regular drummer breaks his arm. His sensibility changes the future of The Oneders/Wonders. I owe a debt of gratitude to the very talented musicians who were willing to teach me what they knew.
• Accomplishment – Elsewhere we’ve discussed the importance of deciding as a necessary first step toward living a life of consequence. Establishing a common mindset and a common objective with a group of friends creates its own strength and momentum. As you plan and prepare for a performance, the fine details that make a song come to life begin to surface. These are difficult to recognize at first. But the more familiar you are with your bandmates, the sooner you identify them, and the greater the opportunity to polish these subtleties. This is the secret to giving your audience a transcendent experience. There is no better feeling for a performer.
• Internal rewards – The fact of belonging is powerful. Knowing that you have a tribe, a people who get you, will give you confidence. If your group is serious about growing — that is, about increasing its capacity — that knowledge enhances your resolve and your confidence. These attributes will embolden you, and will cause you to shed the fear of failure. Even if fear doesn’t totally leave you, you will find yourself trying more than you did when you were its captive. At one point in That Thing You Do, Lenny asks Guy, “Skitch, how did we get here?” Guy answers, “I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.”
• External rewards – You can earn decent money playing gigs if you want to. And that’s just one type of reward. Because you’re part of a group, you’ll go more places and meet more people — that is, if you ever get out of the practice room. In the movie, The Wonders go on tour with the Play-Tone galaxy of stars, go to Hollywood to appear in a movie and end up meeting some of their musical heroes. If fortune favors the bold, being willing to take the next step with your group will create more possibilities. More possibilities increase the impact your life can make.
• Serendipity – Being open and principled will put you in place for unexpected blessings. In Guy Patterson’s case, his discipline in practicing drums made him willing to sit in with The Oneders. His playing a 4/4 rock rhythm to Jimmy Mattingly’s love ballad made the song “That Thing You Do” the hit that made The Oneders into The Wonders — and made them all famous.
• Fame and fortune — Eh, not so much. The Wonders were characters in a movie, so of course, they became famous.  But even in a movie, fame was fleeting. Your group may become well-known locally, regionally or not at all, but that’s not why creative people create. As Steven Pressfield wrote in his book, Turning Pro, artists pursue art because they must, even if no reward, as we think of such things, materializes.

I have found some of the most enjoyable experiences being in bands.  That’s just me, though. For you it can be a softball league, a regular foursome for golf, a bowling team, a fantasy sports league, or a cause. Get out there with some friends and make something real.

The most important aspect is this: We all need someone to encourage us and root for us, and to call us back to our best selves. That’s what the Wonders found in That Thing You Do, and I’ve found in the best groups I’ve been part of. My bet is you’ll find it too.

So how about you? What group do you belong to, and how does it help you be the best possible version of yourself? Add your comments below.

The mission of this blog is to motivate and inspire you to embrace Thriving Authentic Masculinity and to become the best possible version of yourself.  Toward that end, we engage topics that affect your physical, emotional and spiritual health, along with subjects that can help you excel socially — like this and this.  If you want to attract a quality woman — or to maintain attraction with the one you have, let me recommend ballroom dancing for your edification.

This guy’s got it! Now all he needs is his partner.

A generation ago, parents sent their adolescent sons and daughters to Cotillion to learn etiquette and how to dance.  Stripped of its artifice, I see now that it was designed to provide some external reinforcement of social norms and niceties, but also to make introductions between young men and young women, with hopes that eventually some might become husbands and wives.  (I said it was a long time ago.)

Every Friday night for twelve weeks, we would all crowd into our town’s Masonic Temple — boys on one side, girls on the other — and learn the Foxtrot, the waltz, the cha-cha and the shag (a Carolinas variant of the western swing and or the jitterbug).  The instructors, a married couple older than our parents, would cue up the same records each week for each dance, and our respective ranks would imitate our human avatars.  It was mildly interesting, but then they told us to walk to the center of the room and “pair up” with the person in front of us.

Now it was no longer theory.  You had to actually dance with a girl and it had to be good.  The pairs would only last as long as a song.  After that, the instructors commanded us to change partners and each of us moved to our right to dance with the girl next to our former partner.  No picking favorites.  no skipping.  From what I’ve read, speed dating uses a similar model.

After our twelve weeks of instruction, we were invited to a dance at the Country Club where we and our “dates” got to show our parents what we had learned.

It wasn’t long after this that disco became popular and ballroom dancing à la Cotillion was over.  Nearly twenty years later when my brother-in-law got engaged, his fiancée was a professional singer, and they told their invited guests that her big band would perform at the reception.  To get ready, my wife and I enrolled in a ballroom dancing course at the local community college.

Once again, the men lined up on one side of the room (a high school cafeteria this time), women on the other, and we learned the Foxtrot, the waltz, the cha-cha, the western swing and the Rhumba. It meant so much more to take the class with my wife and — here’s the best part — we still have occasion to use those steps from time to time.

Here’s what ballroom dancing can teach you:

• The man must lead. — Only one partner can lead the dance — traditionally it’s the man.  It isn’t just an honorary role, and it isn’t patriarchal.  No, to lead in the dance, a man must guide his partner with his hands, his body, his eyes.  A little pressure on the hip, a little change in the grip — all of it has significance.  Dancing well means leading well, and if the woman you’re dancing with is a good dancer, she’ll follow your lead.
• Learn the steps.  — Confidence is attractive.  Being unsure is not.  Will you dance perfectly?  Probably not, and most assuredly not over the course of an entire evening.  If you’re solid on the five dances above, you can spend a delightful evening with a beautiful woman in your arms.
• Feel the music. — This can be hard to explain, but for dancing, music is not so much about hearing the music with your ears, or counting the rhythm in your mind.  Instead, it’s about feeling it.  If you’re not musical, or if you aren’t particularly good at keeping time, you can count beats while you’re listening to music, or go further and download a metronome app and become familiar with different rhythms and tempos.  Learn to hear with your body.
• Don’t look at your feet. — To lead properly on the dance floor, you must be aware of your partner and where the two of you are relative to other couples on the dance floor. If for no other reason, you need to avoid looking at your feet.  Stand up to your full height and look into your partner’s eyes as you lead her.  Smile even if she steps on your new Johnston and Murphys.  You’ll become more attractive to her. Honest.
• Style doesn’t cost extra. — If you’ve invited your date to a dance, look the part.  You don’t have to wear a suit and tie, but if you do, you don’t have to keep the jacket on all evening.  You’ll likely perspire if you stay on the dance floor.  This means a man should show  up properly groomed. Good grooming is mostly about eliminating excess — excess wrinkles, excess scuff marks, excess sweat, excess hair, excess odor — you get the idea.
• It’s your job to make her look good. — In the same way your leading isn’t chauvinistic, making her look good isn’t putting her on a pedestal.  It is simply the etiquette of the thing.  This is the same reason men wear tuxedos to formal events and women wear ball gowns, and why it’s a big deal if two women show up in the same outfit. To make her look good, review the items above and lead.  Lead her onto the dance floor, take her in your arms as is appropriate for the type of dance, and don’t attempt any spins, turns, dips or flips if she doesn’t know how to execute them.  You can always take a course together. If she’s not your date for the evening, when the song ends escort her off the dance floor and thank her for the dance. That’s rockin’ it Cotillion-style!
• Enjoy the dance. — Dancing is supposed to be fun, so do all the hard work before you show up at the next dance. If you’re at an event unescorted where there are other unescorted women, asking a woman to dance can be a great icebreaker. (That’s how I met my wife.) If you have mastered the basics and can lead with confidence, all you have to do from there is to be able to carry on a conversation. You never know where it can take you, but if you do it right you’ll have a partner.

So how about you? How would learning ballroom dancing help you become the best possible version of yourself? Add your comments below.

When the show is over, say thank you, pack your gear and move on to the next venue.

“Take particular care in picking out your building materials. Eventually there is going to be an inspection. If you use cheap or inferior materials, you’ll be found out. The inspection will be thorough and rigorous. You won’t get by with a thing. If your work passes inspection, fine; if it doesn’t, your part of the building will be torn out and started over. But you won’t be torn out; you’ll survive—but just barely.”  1 Corinthians 3:12-15 (The Message)

Who owns your career?  Have you ever thought about it?

As I completed my formal education and began my non-student working life, I thought the company where I worked had a plan for me.  That is, I thought they would observe my good work and bring me a series of interesting opportunities at increasing levels of responsibility and reward.  It wasn’t a bad thought.  After all, when I joined the company, I entered a training program and worked on a series of projects that provided me with exposure and insight into how the company really worked.

From there, I received my first assignment, and from there, I was recruited into a fascinating research and development project.  That led to a product development role, which led to a product management job with great responsibility and autonomy.  It seemed every few years the company came up with some new challenge and I grabbed it with both hands.

I should probably point out that although I was flexible, I had determined to work in the three principal disciplines of my industry — make stuff, sell stuff, and count the money.  Once I had learned these three, I could figure it out from there.

Along the way I learned what I enjoyed and where I added the greatest value.  I also learned that not every lesson  — and not every job — is fun or pleasant.  Above the specifics of the job, however, I made it a point to value people.  The most important lesson, though, was to take ownership of my career.

This required a change of mindset, as up to that point, I was content to see what opportunities the company would bring my way.  Now, older and more experienced, there were not as many opportunities that made economic sense or fit my strengths.  I had to weigh my options more carefully, but I had to be the one assessing my opportunities and pursuing the ones that made sense.

So now let me paint a word picture for you:  In addition to my career, I’m also a musician.  Professional musicians usually work by booking an engagement in advance, traveling to the gig, performing, getting paid, and moving on to the next performance.  No one doubts that a musician owns his career, but you should own yours, too.

Here’s how I view it: The company is the stage where I’m performing now.  I’ve had a good run so far, and the audience — my boss , my colleagues, my suppliers and my customers — have been appreciative.  Eventually, though, the show will end.  When it’s over, a pro will say thank you, pack his gear and move on to the next venue.

Ben Stein said one should always approach his work like a contract employee — if you’re not producing value, you’re not going to remain employed.  Musicians have the same challenge: we create value by drawing a crowd and keeping them entertained. If you want to be a rock star in your work life, own your career the way a musician does.

So how about you? How do you generate value and deliver results in your work?  Add your comments below.

Getting an A in tuning is just the start — not the main point.

“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” -Ephesians 2:7-9 (The Message)

One of the guys in my small group asked the following question: “If Christians are saved by grace, why do we have God’s law?”  An excellent question.

The Law as a Tuner
I would compare the purpose of God’s law — the Ten Commandments and all the other moral teachings of scripture —  to tuning an instrument.

Tuning ensures that the sound of the instrument will be pleasing.  However, an instrument that is in relative tune — that is, one whose pitches are correctly spaced —  will sound good played by itself, but it will not necessarily sound good played with another instrument.  One string out of tune on one instrument can mar an entire performance.  For this reason, all the instruments in the band must be tuned to the same absolute pitch — an objective standard.

In this same sense, God’s moral law provides an objective reference point for determining how we relate to Him and how we deal with each other.

Ear training
Over time, a musician trains his ear.  He learns to recognize specific pitches, harmonic intervals, types of chords and chord progressions.  Likewise, as you grow in your relationship with God, you’ll become better able to distinguish right from wrong and to hear His voice.

A Little Help From My Friends
Even if you have perfect pitch it can be difficult to tune your instrument in a noisy environment.  Instruments get out of tune during a performance — even in the middle of a song.  That’s why even professionals use electronic tuners .  Whether they choose strobe, stomp box, smart phone apps or clip-on tuners (see photo) you see them everywhere. And audiences and musicians are the better for it.  In a high-pressure situation, or a noisy venue, the ability to determine whether or not your instrument is in tune is most valuable.

And let’s agree that life is noisy, so being able to weigh our motives, decisions and actions against God’s standard can help us calibrate our lives.

The Limits of Technology — And The Law
Tuning isn’t a one-time thing.  Recognizing you’re out of tune doesn’t correct your errant pitches.  The musician has to make those adjustments himself to be able to play in tune.  And some instruments are more prone to stay in tune than others, so a good musician will check his tuning and make fine adjustments as needed over the course of a performance.

Similarly, the law doesn’t fix what’s wrong — it merely shows us where we’re out of line.  It’s up to us to seek God’s help and bring the sour notes of our lives into conformance with His standard as often as it takes.

Buying a Stairway to Heaven?
So what’s the goal?  Is it possible to get to Heaven by being a good boy and obeying the moral law? Nope.  Following the law won’t put you in a relationship with God any more than being great at tuning will secure you a spot on the tour bus.

Tuning is an important aspect of musicianship — as obeying God is an important part of living as his follower — but music is much more than being in tune.  It’s about the relationship of melody, harmony and rhythm, and the expressiveness among the players in the band.  Spiritually speaking, God has made a place in His family band for you through the sacrifice of His only son, Jesus if you’ll accept this gift.  Relationship is greater than rules.  Grace is greater than law.

One more thing: In the band I’m in, everybody has his own tuner.  When something’s out, we all know it, but each band member tunes his own instrument.

So how about you?  In what ways are you imprisoned by rules and rule-keeping?  What do you need to help you sort this out and get free?  Add your comments below.