“Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.”
– Psalm 119:37 (ESV)

I’ll say it: Fifty Shades of Grey is pornography.  The fact that you can buy FSOG books at airports and grocery stores doesn’t change its essence.  The popularity of the book series and likely success of the upcoming movie cannot alter these products’ intended purpose to titillate and arouse prurient interest.  As Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden, women are choosing to be deceived into making pornography mainstream.

“… do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

A backhanded compliment?
But Fifty Shades of Grey is also an inadvertent repudiation of feminism.  Although feminism has denigrated masculinity and tried to cut it down to a more manageable size, note that the male lead in the story is anything but the sensitive new age guy who is feminism’s alleged ideal.  For those of you just tuning in, here’s a news flash:  Apparently a man who is unapologetically masculine is what really turns a woman on.  The sale of ten million books is a pretty significant indicator.

How we got here
We have to blame our original parents, Adam and Eve.  God gave them one rule and they blew it.  The conflict between men and women began immediately.  Women desired to control their husbands and their husbands were to rule over them.  God instituted this hierarchy for our protection as a result of our rebellion.

The Bible teaches that the man is the head of his wife and Christ is the head of the man.  Both men and women alike are called to submit to God out of reverence, but a man must choose to submit to Christ, while the woman must choose to submit to God by submitting to her husband.  Given the curse of Eden, we can see that this is an ongoing challenge for men and women.  The popularity of FSOG suggests that women want and need their men to be strong.

Falling short
Unfortunately, too many men of the church have accepted the housebroken, emasculated version of masculinity deemed acceptable by feminism — to the point where well-meaning men have retreated from the field.  Some of this is a byproduct of fatherlessness.  Tragically, some of this is also a result of poor teaching on male spiritual headship from pulpits and para-church organizations.

This misbegotten desire to give women what they “really want,” results in the abdication of masculine strength on the part of men, and a loss of interest on the part of women. As a result the marriage bed falls into disuse or misuse.

Women who successfully emasculate their husbands through their rebellion lose respect for an adversary so easily vanquished.  Desire follows respect out the door.  These women seek out a fictional alpha male, somebody who owns his passion, takes charge and really acts the man.  Some women go beyond mere fantasy and get involved in emotional or physical affairs.

At the same time, some of these emasculated men fall victim to the allure of pornography and or prostitution.   Because they have allowed themselves to be chased out of their leadership role, they seek a fantasy world where women submit to them.  This is sordid and lazy, as this is attempting to possess a woman’s beauty without doing the hard work of building and maintaining a marriage.

The sad result of men who won’t lead and women who won’t follow is two people turned away from each other.  To be interested in sex, but not with one’s own spouse makes a “marriage” that is more like co-ed roommates. This is so much less than what we’re made for.  Submission gets a bad rap these days, but godly submission is the pathway to marital fulfillment.

The big picture
Mutual submission is not equal submission according to the model of Christ and the church. Jesus is the bridegroom and the head. The church is the bride and the body. Marriage is a living picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.  The head leads the body but both are necessary and valued.  Still, the head is, well… the head.

A thought experiment
If Jesus were to place the bride on a pedestal the way Christian men are often advised to do with their wives, what a different picture we would have. Note that Jesus didn’t say, “Yes dear. I’m sorry dear. Whatever you say, dear.” He didn’t let her (that is, us) have her own way. Instead consider the letters to the seven churches in the book of Revelation where Jesus commends and corrects these churches as needed.

The spirit of Jezebel and the spirit of truth
In keeping with our discussion of the Fifty Shades phenomenon, let’s look at how Jesus speaks to his bride in the letter to the church at Thyatira.

“I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first. Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways. I will strike her children dead. Then all the churches will know that I am he who searches hearts and minds, and I will repay each of you according to your deeds. Now I say to the rest of you in Thyatira, to you who do not hold to her teaching and have not learned Satan’s so-called deep secrets, ‘I will not impose any other burden on you, except to hold on to what you have until I come.”
– Revelation 2:19-25 (NIV)

Consider how Jesus speaks lovingly to her. He has already proved his love by coming for her, dying for her. He commends what is praiseworthy but never abdicates his headship.

Now he speaks a stern word of correction to her for tolerating false teaching that promotes sexual immorality. Clearly he loves her   — and note this: He isn’t afraid of rocking the boat to bring her to repentance.  This is our model.

If wives and girlfriends who follow Jesus plan to watch FSOG, they should ask themselves how they would feel about their husband’s/boyfriend’s spending that evening downloading porn from the filthiest corners of the internet.

Isn’t it wrong to judge?
It’s true that Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” But that prohibition was against rendering final judgment in terms of someone’s final, Heaven or Hell disposition.   He never meant we should turn our brains off or refuse to discriminate between good and evil. After all, he is the one who said a tree is known by its fruit.  How can you evaluate fruit without using — gasp!– judgment?

A final note:
Headship is not a license for self-indulgence or abuse.  If we love our wives the way Christ loved the church, that is a sacrificial, serving kind of love that leads our wives toward Christlikeness.  We can’t make it about ourselves and succeed in this task.  Even so, a man must lead with strength and gentleness.  Your woman may not enjoy your confronting her, but if you are strong, loving and consistent she will respect you — and even more, she will desire you.

So how about you?  How are you learning to be the spiritual head and build a strong marriage?  Add your comments below.