“Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our song on the radio! Gimme a pen, I’m signin’! You’re signin’! We’re all signin’!”
-Lenny Haise in That Thing You Do (1996)

Yes, I quoted a movie from last century, but it’s one of my top five — you really should watch it.  That Thing You Do is about a group of friends in the 1960’s who form a band, make a hit record and follow the adventure that ensues. As a musician, I enjoyed the story’s setting in the context of a band, but more than anything, it’s a story about friendships and how success puts them to the test. Here is the relevance to our mission on this corner of the Internet.

“It is very important that you don’t stink today!”

A man at his best is not a loner.  In previous posts, we’ve covered the difference between isolation and solitude, as well as the importance of mentoring. Men are relational creatures.  Even at creation, God saw that the man He had created needed a suitable human companion. And the command to be fruitful and multiply signified that the two of them weren’t supposed to remain alone.

Ideally, your work will put you in contact with others, but let’s be honest — the companies that fully realize the “We’re like a family here” statements are rare.  You may make lifelong friends among people you have to be be around during business hours, but more likely you’ll find your best friends around a common interest.

In my short life, I’ve participated in various team sports, scouting, several theatrical productions, a series of churches (and the various classes, committees and groups that comprise them) and more than a few bands. Quality varies widely from one company, church, team, troop, troupe or group, but let me tell you why being part of a group (musical or otherwise) is important to your pursuit of a life of significance:

• Learning – I always strive to be the least capable musician in any band I’m in.  Why? Because playing with people who are better musicians than I am makes me work harder and improve faster.  Not only that, everybody brings something different to the band.  In the movie, drummer Guy “Skitch” Patterson, is a jazz player who fills in when the band’s regular drummer breaks his arm. His sensibility changes the future of The Oneders/Wonders. I owe a debt of gratitude to the very talented musicians who were willing to teach me what they knew.
• Accomplishment – Elsewhere we’ve discussed the importance of deciding as a necessary first step toward living a life of consequence. Establishing a common mindset and a common objective with a group of friends creates its own strength and momentum. As you plan and prepare for a performance, the fine details that make a song come to life begin to surface. These are difficult to recognize at first. But the more familiar you are with your bandmates, the sooner you identify them, and the greater the opportunity to polish these subtleties. This is the secret to giving your audience a transcendent experience. There is no better feeling for a performer.
• Internal rewards – The fact of belonging is powerful. Knowing that you have a tribe, a people who get you, will give you confidence. If your group is serious about growing — that is, about increasing its capacity — that knowledge enhances your resolve and your confidence. These attributes will embolden you, and will cause you to shed the fear of failure. Even if fear doesn’t totally leave you, you will find yourself trying more than you did when you were its captive. At one point in That Thing You Do, Lenny asks Guy, “Skitch, how did we get here?” Guy answers, “I led you here, sir, for I am Spartacus.”
• External rewards – You can earn decent money playing gigs if you want to. And that’s just one type of reward. Because you’re part of a group, you’ll go more places and meet more people — that is, if you ever get out of the practice room. In the movie, The Wonders go on tour with the Play-Tone galaxy of stars, go to Hollywood to appear in a movie and end up meeting some of their musical heroes. If fortune favors the bold, being willing to take the next step with your group will create more possibilities. More possibilities increase the impact your life can make.
• Serendipity – Being open and principled will put you in place for unexpected blessings. In Guy Patterson’s case, his discipline in practicing drums made him willing to sit in with The Oneders. His playing a 4/4 rock rhythm to Jimmy Mattingly’s love ballad made the song “That Thing You Do” the hit that made The Oneders into The Wonders — and made them all famous.
• Fame and fortune — Eh, not so much. The Wonders were characters in a movie, so of course, they became famous.  But even in a movie, fame was fleeting. Your group may become well-known locally, regionally or not at all, but that’s not why creative people create. As Steven Pressfield wrote in his book, Turning Pro, artists pursue art because they must, even if no reward, as we think of such things, materializes.

I have found some of the most enjoyable experiences being in bands.  That’s just me, though. For you it can be a softball league, a regular foursome for golf, a bowling team, a fantasy sports league, or a cause. Get out there with some friends and make something real.

The most important aspect is this: We all need someone to encourage us and root for us, and to call us back to our best selves. That’s what the Wonders found in That Thing You Do, and I’ve found in the best groups I’ve been part of. My bet is you’ll find it too.

So how about you? What group do you belong to, and how does it help you be the best possible version of yourself? Add your comments below.